Sustained Tags

I need help to keep me from going bankrupt. I am unable to acquire a job because of injuries I sustained during my deployment to Afghanistan. The army is going to pay me, but that takes a lot of time and paperwork and I am looking at six months before I begin receiving checks. I tried to do college online but had to quit because I can no longer retain new information as a result of my brain injury. I'm married with three children and often find myself running short on groceries at the end of the month. I have let go of all bills that I could (cable, internet, cell phone, etc) but I am still falling short. Any help would be greatly appreciated by myself and my family. I would use contributions to purchase clothing and food, as well as make minimum payments on monthly bills. Once I begin receiving disability I will immediately stop accepting donations, and as soon as I can afford to, I promise to donate at least what I have received in donations back to this website. Again I thank you for taking the time to read this and for having the heart to consider helping a complete stranger.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho men was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Jean and I am a mother of three. I am married to William, for 4 years and we are NJ natives. I am a caregiver for my 60 year old mother who was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Failure in January of 2011.

In June of 2010 my mother came from Michigan to live with me with the intention of helping me and my husband by watching our children during our working hours. My husband and I both work very long hours, and the children would have been required to spend long periods of time alone. So my mother came to help us fill the gap. In October of 2010, my mother’s health took a turn for the worse and it was continually getting worse as the year progressed. By January of 2011 my mother was unable to stand for any length of time and was always short of breath.

On February 10th I admitted my mother to the emergency room @ ACMC/Mainland. She was immediately diagnosed with kidney failure. She was admitted to ICU and on February 12th she had a cardiac arrest, due to toxic levels of magnesium, in her system. My mother suffered a sustained brain injury and to this day has a deficit she will have to live with forever. This deficit has taken away her ability to drive, live on her own, or be without some type of supervision.

My family suffered an extreme financial crisis that is ongoing and increasingly more devastating. I was out of work on FMLA for 8 weeks without pay. I was given $1200 in disability payments. I was allowed back to work, but with a significant decrease in pay and a change of position.

We have fallen behind in our bills in a catastrophic way. It seems the more we pay the more we owe. In fact, for the last week we have been without running water. Our gas has been off for three weeks and we use that for hot water, heat, and cooking. Our bank fees for the month of September have been astronomical (well over $400) for NSF charges and Service fees. This is just spiraling out of control. The children attend a local charter school and Pleasantville High school. Each child only has one pair of shoes and one uniform because I can’t get ahead of the curve to get them additional ones. The little ones need their school logo embroidered on the uniforms but that cost more than the shirt did.

We feel helpless and without some type of help we will continue to be a homeless family of six. We are currently living in a motel on the edge of our town. This is a pay by the hour type of place but it is the only place that will charge us by the week and will allow one of use to sleep on the floor. We are soliciting any type of help you can give. Please be mindful that we are hard working members of society. We have been working since we got out of high school. We are not beggars and we are willing to give back in the form of community service.
All I know is that we need help! Immediately or we’ll be past saving!
Thank you,
Jean Elam
Atlantic Auto Group, 08234

In July 2007 my husband was a passenger in a co-workers car; the co-worker turned left in front of a pickup and the car was T-boned directly on his side. The co-workers car was an older model with no airbags; the doctor said that if he hadn’t put his arm & hand up to shield his face than it would have been fatal. The subsequent and enduring “care” he has received via workers compensation (WC), for the grave injuries he sustained, has been appalling at best. This is just my personal opinion, based solely on our experiences since the accident, but I have concluded that workers compensation (that was put in place to protect the workers), is nothing less than an unethical, disingenuous corrupt system. They end up sending you to a doctor of there choosing and these doctors (who have "gone over to the dark side")cater to the insurance companies by writing lengthy reports downplaying any injuries (goal of saving insurance company money with zero regard for the patients well being) in exchange for more patients sent to them and guaranteed, probably higher than usual, reimbursements. All too often it seems like WC caters to those who abuse the system and discriminate against those who really are in need. The “timely” medical care my husband has actually been able to procure through this government supported system is a travesty leaving him with irreparable spinal damage and a life of pain to look forward to. The malevolent truth is, had this system acted in a timely fashion, equivalent to the expedient care that ANYONE else not on WC would receive, then something could have been done to improve his quality of life. Unfortunately, as it stands, due to the guileful delay tactics used by WC, it is too late to do much of anything to repair the injuries causing him pain. Clearly supported medically necessary needs have either gone unapproved or purposely neglected for months all the while he continues to suffer with intractable pain. It is just beyond my comprehension as to how these people can feel no remorse for leaving another human being in such agony. Due to WC neglecting to approve certain items we have had to outlay a significant amount of our funds for medically necessary items\services to help him do tasks that he could previously do unassisted.
Today he suffers unrelenting pain as a result of permanent whiplash, 8 herniated discs, and unacknowledged(despite films clearly showing injuries) unaddressed broken tailbone, ribs and pelvis. Nerve damage from the spinal injury has resulted in numbness in his extremities, frequent weakening of his legs and embarrassing incontinence among numerous other concerns - had these been addressed in a timely manner (much like they would have been if not WC injury) his suffering could have been decreased significantly thereby improving his quality of life. The most serious injury he suffered was the hip break (acetabuler break) the worse break possible - it was broken in four places. As alluded to previously, an injury this severe should have been stabilized by surgery - allowing it to heal properly and not leave him suffering in chronic pain. WC puts such demands on providers to cut corners in order to save money that, in my husbands case, his doctor decided to do absolutely nothing but send him home instructing him to stay in a wheelchair 100 % of the time for several months. This doctor did not follow up with an exam or x-rays to make sure everything had healed properly. When my husband tried to explain to him the degree of pain he was still in the Dr said hmmm that shouldn’t be and then said “I can’t do anything else for you…”. This Dr. was so engrossed with saving WC some money that he disregarded his patients plea for help- how dispassionate and cold. The way this physician treated my husband goes against almost every part of the hippocratic oath which he swore to uphold upon graduation.
After being in pain for years, with no help from WC when it came to pinpointing its primary source, we paid out of pocket for a film that revealed his pelvis had been broken in the accident. This was never discovered previously by the orthopedist, again, due to cutting corners to save WC money they didn't take the necessary films to do a thorough job. We have a hearing with WC before a judge in March to request approval of a doctor who can address his broken tailbone - regardless of the fact that he can hardly sit without being in excruciating pain WC has denied him access to a doctor to treat it.
Immediately after the accident WC paid for home care for my husband and I was his caretaker when they were not here. Once they stopped providing this in home care I had to take over caring for him in addition to taking care of our then one year old daughter. I soon realized that I could not work and take care of both of them so I had to leave my job to stay home. As a result of my loss of income we have used up every penny of savings and 401 K, that we worked so hard to earn. We had to purchase anything medically necessary for Randall that WC was denying or losing track of. In addition to all this bad news, he has had to go out on disability (10/10) due to the deterioration of his condition and as a result our income has been cut substantially. This leaves us struggling to survive with no savings and significant decrease in income. I am the primary caregiver of both my husband and 5 year old daughter and all I able to contribute financially is what I can find the time to sell on eBay and needless to say we are coming up short.
All of our credit cards have been turned over to collections and our house note is in default and I am terrified. My heart breaks for my only child my daughter who is just 5 years old - I want her to remember more than this devastating situation about her dad and what undeserved hard times we are facing. You can ask anyone who knows my husband and they will all say the same that he is one of the kindest, caring, and conscientious people they know. I know that he doesn’t deserve the heartache he is having to endure. He has worked hard his entire life, since the age of 15, up until he could no longer because of his injuries; and I know that prior to this accident he had saved and saved and was looking so forward to retiring and having fun times as a family. He hasn’t lost sight of those dreams but the money he had saved to fund them is all gone. Despite everything somehow he still maintains a positive outlook on life which makes him a much stronger person than I.
We all have faith that God will see us through this one way or the other but some days it is just so hard to maintain a positive outlook. We would be truly grateful for any help - do only as your heart leads you to do!
God Bless

September 2011: Had a nearly fatal motorcycle accident on Lucent Blvd. in Denver. The events leading up to the accident I am unclear of, all I remember is waking up underneith a car and couldnt move. I remember the ambulance showing up to extricate me. Apparently I had a shattered pelvis and a broken humorus. I also sustained another concussion. I never was a big fan of the helmet, in fact very rarely did I wear one. I just happened by chance to decide to wear one that day, if I hadnt I'd be dead. It used to be that I struggled to survive, now I struggle to exist. This account is by my wife:

On September 28th, 2011
My husband Trevan had an accident on is his way to an Interview and he was going on Lucent to get on to the highway on C470 and was not able to see with the dew on the street and sun glare. He didn’t see the car at the stoplights, going on to C470. Didn’t know or see that it was stopped at the light. The sun was so bad that he slammed right into the person in front of him and went over the handlebars of the motorcycle and over the person’s car and was found underneath the car. The Paramedics found him under the person’s car and had to pull him out from under it.

I got a call about 8:15 am from the fire department letting me know that my husband was in an accident. I was so scared I was trying to get my son ready for school and get my daughter ready to so I could take him. I was told that he was taken to Littleton Hospital and that I can call over there and get info on how he is doing. Instead of me calling the ER the ER nurse called me and gave me some info about what they are doing and what ER room they are taking him to. They took some x-rays and he couldn’t be moved because they were not sure about his back. So they did the x-rays in the ER. That is what the nurse told me that they were doing and that he was stable. The nurse also said if I could get to the hospital as soon as I could, it would be a good idea to come since the police and fire department was still there. I told her I would try. I called my mother in law to let her that her son was in an accident and I called my mom. There were other people that I called too. When I got there and I had to park so far in the back of the hospital that I had to ask for directions to get to the ER from the outpatient so I could be there with my husband. When I got there it was very hard to see what he looked like. He had a neck brace on and his left arm was all wrapped up like a present. He had a big gash on the inside of his right leg that was pretty wide and you could see the fat and it kept on bleeding. They would not take off the brace from his neck because they didn’t know what else was going on with him. I met the ER doctors and they told me that he is in quite bit of pain, and that he was starting to not know what happened off and on. I tried to see if he could tell me himself but could not remember. One of the ER doctors was very concerned about the blood in his urine so they took him to another place in the hospital to do some more tests on him. My mom in the mean time called me and told me that she was on her way to be at the hospital with me for support, I told her that I really need some comfort and to keep it together. When she got here Trevan was not yet taken to get tested yet so my mom said hi to him and ask him questions. Then with the ER nurses came in to take him for the tests my mom ask the nurse what kind of test that they were going to do on him and they said it is to check for internal bleeding. When Trevan was taken back we went to sit in the waiting room in the ER. My mom kept asking me questions but I could not answer any of them, because I have not been told about any thing besides what the nurse told me on the phone before I got there. I ask the nurses that were still around they’re about where his belonging were because I needed to know if his wallet and other things like ring and glasses was there. They handed me the beg that had his wallet and other things that they took off of him. I took the beg with me so I could go through it and see if every thing was still with him. His wedding band was in there his wallet was in there and socks and helmet was there too so I took it with me out to the waiting room. There was also a ticket that the police left in it too. My mom took a look at it to find out what all happened. It just said it was his fault but we didn’t think it was his fault, but later on we did fine out it was his fault but we took care of it for him while he was in the hospital. While we were waiting Trevan’s mom came with my daughter to see him but he was still not back in the Trauma room. After a while they finally moved him to a room so we all went there. They took him to the ICU and we had to keep our hands clean at all times coming and going. Trevan was put on many powerful pain medicines for the pain. He was put on dilaudid and he was on that for a while but then he was inching so bad that they took him off of that and put him on morphine he was a little better but still was itching like crazy.

Doug and Jan drove out here on Wednesday night they didn’t stop except for brakes and gas but they drove all the way through so could see Trevan. They arrived at the hospital at 3:30 am. Trevan didn’t remember that his dad and step mom came to see him the first night. I told him twice that they were here and he just didn’t remember it. Every one came to see Trevan everyday Doug and J, Karen and John Hager, Kehli, his mom Beverly. Doug and Jan were here for four days and they were here also for the surgery. We had a lot of people in the waiting room Beverly and our kids, me, and Doug and Jan. I was happy that I had that many people there with me because I was very upset.

October 1st 2011
Trevan had his surgery on both the pelvis and the humerus bone. The doctor started with his pelvis first he said it was the quick one and that Trevan didn’t loose much blood with that one. Then the doctor moved Trevan to another table to do the other part of the surgery. He lost a little bit of blood when they did his surgery on the arm they had to give him two pints of blood. The doctor did come out to tell us the update as he did them and how everything was going. He showed us before and after x-rays. The doctor did a great job of fixing Trevan up. Then after the surgery was done he was in recovery room for about an hour and a half. They moved Trevan to his room afterwards and he still was not doing hot. He kept saying that the room was moving and it made him sick. He tried to keep his eyes closed but it made him even feel worse. He also kept asking for ice chips which I feed to him as much as I could. He was better by the evening, he didn’t feel dizzy any more. Family kept coming to see him and tell him that they love him and pray that he will heal quickly. I stayed with him every night after the surgery to keep an eye on how he was doing. He didn’t remember a lot of things, which in some ways it is good but in some ways it is bad. I think a lot of it had to do with the pain medicine that the doctors was giving him. A nurse told me that it could happen with the medicine could make you forgetful depending on what kind of pain medicine.

October 4th 2011
While Trevan was at the hospital he did fall. He hit his head agents the closet that was in his room. The nurses found him on the floor. They did say that when he fell he landed on his right side and that they don’t think he hurt him self, but he did hit his head when he went down. I asked them if they were going to see if he did any damage, and they said that he didn’t and couldn’t do that much damage because the way he fell. I asked them if he hurt any thing else and the nurse they checked him over and asked him questions and didn’t see any evidence that he had any more damage to what he already had. I asked to if they did any test to see. They said they didn’t do any other tests on him because they didn’t want him to be exposed to any more radiation from the x-ray machine. He was getting out of bed by his self with out any help, which he was not supposed to do that. That is why when he fell they put a bed alarm on his bed so they would know at all times that he gets up, for his safety.

October 5th 2011
During that time while he was a Littleton hospital they were trying to find a rehab place for him so he can start getting back on his feet. They did find one and they had him transferred from Littleton to Porter hospital. Before he left I told him that I would see him later that evening and so will his mom and kids. He said ok and they he was gone. That evening Beverly and the rest of us call daddy from his mom’s phone to let him know that we are coming to see him but we were going to stop and get something to eat on the way up to the hospital. Then while we were eating at Wendy’s he calls me on my cell phone and asks if we were still coming I told him yes. I asked him did you even remember that we called you before and told you that we were coming he said no he didn’t remember. While he was on the phone with me still we asked him if he wanted us to bring something for him. He said yes. We brought him a hamburger and a frosty. When we got to the Porter hospital and got to his room we noticed it was very small and odd shaped. He had a window but in the wrong place or the room was just in the worst place. It looked like a bad shaped L and had no flow to it. I asked Trevan on how he was doing and he said tired and in pain. I said you just been through a lot and it will take a while to heal. Then we gave him is food and let him eat while we also talked to the nurses that were taking care of him there. We also ask that if there was a way for a cot to be put in there so I could stay with him some of the times. They said yes that they will get one in the room the next time I come up to see him. I said thanks. They also had a bed alarm on his bed and his wheel chair that he was using. I am happy that they had that on there but the moment that he got up to use the urinal that the alarm went off. And he didn’t feel comfortable with them always coming in and him not able to potty when he wanted too. When he is in the bed but keep it on when he is in the wheel chair because he could not remember to lock his brakes before he transferred form the wheel >chair to bed or just getting up to stand.

October 6th 2011
Trevan calls him mom to get my number to be able to call me. He talked to her for a while and he also asked if we were coming to see him, and also asked if we knew where he was. His mom said yes she knew and asked him if he remembered that we were the other night. He said no and also said that we weren’t there to see him. Which we were there but he just didn’t remember that we were all there his son and daughter me and his mom. He forgot the entire evening and event that we even were there to see him the night before. His mom said to him that we were all coming to see you again tonight so we will see you later. The same day I went to take our van to get the oil changed in it and found out that there was a clucking sound and they told me that it was not safe for me to keep driving it. They said about a week or two would be all I should drive it. I called my dad and asked if he knew any one that I could take my van to get an idea on how much it would cast to get it fixed. This was all the same day that I was going to see Trevan at the hospital. They didn’t want me to drive it anymore until it was fixed. So Beverly had to take me back and forth to and from the hospital for a while. After Beverly got off work we all got in to the car and drove up to the hospital. We asked the nurses if there was any way for Trevan to watch movies other than watching TV all the time. They said yes and told us there is a TV, VCR that is on a cart that can go into their room to watch movies and only VHS tapes only no DVD’S. So mom went into the lunchroom and looked at all the movies and wrote down all the ones that Trevan would be interested in watching. After she was done she brought the list to Trevan to see and to know that he had choices. Then we went home and told Trevan that we will see him later the next day. Then said our good-byes.

October 7th 2011
There was a lot of thing going on this day that I don’t want to go through again. I had to take my van to a place that my sister in law told me about. I made my appointment with them the day before and they wanted me to bring it back today and get it fixed. They even said that it was not safe at all. I left it with them to fix it in the morning. Then I came back home and had more things to do. I had to run around back and forth using my mother in laws car which was ok she was taking care of my daughter and my niece so I got thing done and I was able to relax a little bit. We all went to see Trevan that evening. We had to go and pick up my van after we picked up dinner. Then we left to see Trevan. When we got there into Trevan’s room he looked really tired and in a bit of pain. We got an extra hamburger so we gave it to him so he could eat it. Of course he at it all up. I changed the channel and found shreck the movie and we all watched that with Trevan. The nurse cam in to see how he was doing. He said that he needed more pain medicine, also needed to have his depends changed. The kids and grandma left outside the room while he was getting changed. After he got settled again the kids came back in and they were getting rowdy so I ask Beverly to take the kids home. They gave their daddy a kiss and left. That night I stayed with him and he kept on asking if the nurse had given him his pain medicine. I told him yes that they did give you your medicine. I asked him if even remembered it and he said no. He asked me 4 other times to while I was there. When it was time for him to have another dose of medicine I said to use the call button that is what it is there for instead of me always running in and out of his room to let the nurses know that he needed more medicine. I stayed with him all night it was very hard for me to hear. When Trevan would fall to sleep he would start dreaming and breathing heavy then wake up crying and then fell back to sleep. It would go on about 5 times at night. I think it was nightmares and when he wakes up he would not remember any of it.

October 8th 2011
The nurses were coming into see how Trevan was doing. He had his breakfast and pain medicine. After breakfast the therapist came in to take him to do some therapy stuff. He worked on the ramp with wheel chair going up and down with keeping control with his feet. The first round was 35 minutes. Then comes back and rests for a half-hour and goes again for 30 minutes. Then he came back and rested and had lunch. Then he went with another therapist and goes and has a shower, but after a while he came back. The nurses told me when they came back with Trevan that the cut on the inside of the right leg came open while they were helping him with his shower. He lost a little bit of blood but it hurt him quite a bit. So two nurses came back. One was pushing him and the other on putting pressure on the wound. When he was back in the room he looked like a ghost, and looked very tired. Then his nurse came in to put a different kind of bandage on his leg. By the end of the day he had color back in his face and was doing better. That day and evening he didn’t know that I was staying with him. I was with him at the hospital since Friday night, to Sunday evening. I will be going home on Sunday night.

October 9th 2011
The nurses and doctors decided not to have therapy because Trevan gave them a scare. So they just let him rest and let the wound heal some more before he did any more. I watched him sleep and he has the bad dreams again all day, and all night. I woke up every time he had the dreams. I counted how many times he would wake up and go to sleep again. It was hard to hear too. When he did wake up I would ask if he remembered any of it. He would say No. I did let the nurses know what was going on with Trevan and also asked him to keep an eye out and check on him. I also asked them to keep a record of it too. I left the evening so I could take care of my kids the next day. My mother in law had to work and had to keep Sarah with me. I said my good-byes. I asked the nurses to keep me in formed on how he did through the night.

October 10th 2011
Trevan told me that he had therapy and that he was in some pain. He was up in the wheel chair and bed. He was learning how to put socks and underwear, shorts and shirt on by him self with out help and doing it all by with one hand. He did OK is what he said. It is hard for him to remember which arm to do in first. The nurses said try to remember left first than over the head than right arm. Then put your glasses on so you can see. He said he would try to remember. Then I went home. He also saw the doctor and asked for Ibuprofen.

October 11th 2011
I got to the hospital to see Trevan about 7ish. He looked tire but also happy to see me. He said to me when I can in “I was wondering when you were going to be here” I said I had to take care of the kids first. In the morning he did therapy then he has lunch and after he had lunch he did some more activities he had u ride outside and played scrabble to get his mind working on thinking. That is what he did during the day when I was not there to see him during the day Trevan had therapy and looked somewhat tired when I got there, he was also in his wheel chair. He ate all the tacos that his mom got for him. After we got done eating he was in a lot of pain. He asked for more pain medicine and he could not get any more ibuprofen. So they gave him percocet for the pain. All we did while I was there with him we talked and watched TV together. Was late when I left to go home and care for my kids.

October 12th 2011
I went to see Trevan about 7ish again. He did a lot of thing in the morning it was all written down so I knew what he did. Which he was to do every day for his memory issues that he has. He had breakfast then he had PT. He did exercises with his legs. ST. tested him it scored 20 out of 25 on the cognitive tests. Then he did some transferring using one leg, 2-½ lbs. on the other leg (right leg all weight and partial weight on the left.) After lunch he did the walker, wheel chair, shower, teeth and hair. All of this info that I keep getting is what he writes down for his memory reminder. I took a look at him and asked him how he is doing, He said he is in a bit of pain. A lot of pain was mainly in the arm. He asked for some pain medicine and he started to fall to sleep. So I told him that I would head home and take care of the kids. He said to tell them that he loves them. I said ok.

October 13th 2011
Just reading his report that he wrote. He did getting in to his wheel chair to go to the toilet, Independence Square and weight. That was his activities during the day and he also had another stitch pop and his leg started bleeding again. That is what he told me. It is covered with gaze. I was happy that they did put that on there to protect it better. He has been sleeping better. They aren’t using the walker with the plate form because of his bad left arm. He is balancing so much better on his right leg which I am very proud of him. I noticed while I was there he didn’t remember that he had his pain medicine which they did give it to him. But they could not give him any more until 9:15 PM. And it was about 8:20 PM when he asked for more pain medicine.

October 14th 2011
Trevan woke up around 5:45 am having pain in his arm and needed to be changed. Found out that Dr. Bess has not released him from putting more weight on his left leg. It will be 30% weight for a while. At a little bit after 9 this morning went for a wheel chair walk. He sat in the wheel chair and used his right foot to move him forward and his right hand also help him to move forward in the direction that he needs to go. He went around the hallway twice. Then after he did that he came back to his room, so after that another person came in and took him down to the shower. Both of us were in the shower room with the nurse getting him ready and helping him stand only on one leg. He could not put much weight on the left leg. After every thing was off the therapist helped him sit on the shower/ tub chair. We both helped him get cleaned up, but we made sure he did most of the cleaning up. He did well at listening to me and stayed seated until we needed him to stand to pull up his pants. He only used his right leg to stand on and his right arm to pull up. I told him if he comes home he is going to have to listen and wait until I can come and help him. I didn’t want him to fall again and end up in the hospital again. After the shower we went back to his room to rest for a few minutes. Then he went to do more moving therapy. He did hopping on the right leg and using the parallel bars with the right arm to and from the wheel chair. Then he did some bumping up and down on the stairs. They would not do any more of them for a while because it tired him out so much. We did not know when he would be able to come home yet. We were going to have someone come by to take a look at the house and see if he can come home. Right now it is set for wed. But it is not set in stone. I am planning to stay the night again and leave about 8:15 am to watch my daughter. Then I will be back to stay with him again that evening.

October 15th 2011
This is what Trevan did for the day, leg/ hip exercises, control wheelchair up and down ramp. ST- did memory strategies, put a picture with info, and writing down notes. OT- watched him do his brushing his teeth, getting dressed, independence square (cashier, shop, and sandwich) memory. That is what he did and also found out he has a urine infection. He slept a little bit, was up having to go to the potty all night, had to remind him mot to put any weight on his left leg. He said that he was not but I doubt it. I was watching him. After he was done he was always putting weight on the left leg every time he pushed his butt back in the bed. I am very worried about that. I did tell the nurses to keep an eye on him that he was having issues with him having to pee all the time. Since he had the infection. They said that they would keep watch and see how he does through the night.

October 16th 2011
Trevan had a bad day at remembering this day. I just don’t remember what he forgot because I was also very tired this day also.

October 17th 2011
We brought Trevan home to do the home inspection so we could find out what we all needed to do and what to get for the house, so Trevan can come home. We didn’t want him to get injured any more than what he is now. When we got to the house the two nurses had to lift him and the wheel chair up the stairs since we didn’t have the ramp up quite yet. We did tell them it would be up once we know what day we could get help. While Trevan was still sitting in the wheel chair he had to use the restroom. He did try to get in the restroom which he did do just fine, but when he was ready to get back out and into the wheel chair he almost fell in to the wheel. So they deiced not to have him use the small bathroom.

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.
From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.

From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

I am married a veteran who has sustained a traumatic brain injury in Afghanistan. My husband is currently awaiting to receive 100% VA disability, but it has taken a very long time. I am a college student maintaining a steady GPA of a 4.0, and I do my very best to move forward in order to get somewhere in my life, but this year has been an absolute nightmare for our family. I had a premature child this year which resulted in me receiving 25 units of blood transfer and a two week hospitalization. The baby was three months early, but thankfully he did make it and is now doing pretty well. I have a daughter and two other sons who are completely disabled and one is in a wheelchair. We do own our house, but we live in a little town and my husband has to drive 45 miles roundtrip daily in a v8 truck cause that is the only vehicle we have. Right now my husband is being forced to sleep in our truck in freezing weather in order to not lose his job because he will not have enough gas to get back home and to work again for the rest of the week if he does not. I have done everything I possibly can, and somehow I just can't get out of this rut so I am forced to kindly ask those of Christian hearts to please help my family. God will bless you for helping others and spreading genuine love and charity. I don't want a handout, I would rather give it to someone else, but I am at the end of my rope. The fuses in our house blew out and we won't have heat because our house has no heat except plug-in portable heaters. I really need some help. Any will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Veteran's Lady

I am a student with the university of phoenix, and a baker (actually skilled in all types of culinary) by trade was working for a restaurant called Golden corral. I sustained an injury from my work called tendonitis in my right hand which I am a right handed person. I have been out of work for two weeks and have been living from pay check to pay check because the pay is not all that great and I rarely have a week were I work a full forty hours. Now that I have been out of work the doctor is talking about surgery which I can not afford and the bills keep piling up.I would not be doing this except right now I have no other help or choices. I live alone in a city where I have no family I need some help please I can not afford to lose my internet connection either as school is what I am doing to have a better life for myself.I will work but my injury has put me in a situation where I can not and I do not have any insurance or anything else at the time. PLEASE HELP

Okay so here is the scoop. My ex dropped my kids on me three years ago and dissappeared. They are aged 4,4, and 6 years old. I go to school and work fulltime and as many of you know they are costing a lot for daycare. I have sustained until now. I will graduate next year and really want to become something and now ask for handouts. I have never given up until now. My car is about to be repossessed and it is my lifeline. I go to work school and take care of my children with this vehicle. My children live good lives and I myself have sacrificed everything including my own social life for them. I need $280 to make one payment to keep it from getting taken as I am behind by three payments and cannot pay at this time. It cost 1700 a month to send my kids to daycare. I know I will be successful either way but this journey has been rough. Would love to keep my car.

I believe in miracles and in God's mercy in times of need...so here I sit in great hope that this message reaches the right person/people somehow and somewhere who are able and willing to assist my family in any amount they can or see fit to give. A little bit of background on us: We are a husband and wife with three young daughters who are trying to provide as best we can for our children and keep them happy. We have been struggling for the past year now with finances as my husband's job could not provide the income we needed to survive. He has attempted to find something with better compensation numerous times but has come up empty in his search. Over the past year, we lost our townhouse and were forced to move in with relatives that don't even have enough room for us to stay.We now are unable to continue staying with them on the account that there is not enough room for all of us. My husband has joined the Army as a way to try and save us from becoming homeless and without a future, however, he does not start basic training until October and we do not have that long to stay afloat.That is a year that we cannot afford to keep up with. Plus we will not receive housing until he is finished with individual training for his job so we wont have housing assistance at all until next June.. So, this puts us in an unfortunate bind with no place to live because we cannot afford to pay the high prices of housing, without employment with pay to suffice for our survival(my husbands pay is below poverty level) and no way to pay for childcare so I can go and find employment. We have one car and are about to lose that also. We have lost all hope that our lives can be sustained despite our great effort to improve the outlook of our situation. I'm pleading for anyone who can offer any kind of help to us, to please donate to help us have a roof over our head and restore our faith in humanity and the world we live in as a whole. Please help us help our children who are innocent and undeserving of this instability. I have never felt so low in my entire life and need the miracle of kindness to overjoy me and show me mercy. I need to know that God has not failed us in giving us a chance to change our circumstances for the better. If you are still reading this, my hope is that you reach out to us if you are able to. We will try our best to repay you in some way. I never imagined I would need to write a classifieds ad to fight for our lives but I have faith that people will come together and extend their hands to us. I know there are angels on earth and need their help right now. In whatever way you can help, we will be forever greatful for it. No amount of help is considered too small or large and we will graciously accept with much appreciation. I feel horrible to have to ask and it makes me feel so low as a person but I see no other way and therefore am wearing my pride on my sleeve in hopes it will save us. Please only contact us with serious and good hearted intentions. I am trusting in God that I can trust in you. Again, thank you so much for coming to our aid. There are no words to express how worthy you are to us and the magnitude of impact that you will have on our lives forever. Send a donation to change our life. I will do a return favor of keeping all donators updated on our story and how their donation helped us. Love and Blessings to all of you.

My story is my body has sustained alot of battlewounds during pregnancy and I hope that the generosity of kind people out there would help me get closer to my dream of seeking plastic surgery with gorgeous getaways. I am a mother of two beautiful children I have a supportive loving partner who works long hard hours to keep our livelyhood ticking over. My reason for coming on this site is because I never put myself before family I'm scared this might devastate us financially. But I am so insecure and embarrassed about my tummy and breasts as they look like they belong to a sixty year old women and not a thirty year old women. I am and always have been petite. I'm an active person by nature, I love running but my stomach is saggy and stretched out from having 9 pound children and breast feeding 2 kids have made me breasts look like fried eggs. I feel like the ugly duckling in my family, my husband is gorgeous and my girls are stunning, I'm so scared my husband is going to turn his attention onto someone else one day. I need to start feeling vibrant and sexier again. Please help me break out of my ugly duckling ways. I have nothing to offer but my friendship and ever lasting gratitude. Thank you for listening to my story sincerely yours NZ

Hello!

I'm 32 y.o. man, living in Portugal and my last 3 years were a mess. I've always worked hard, lived by myself, sustained myself, but then I got unemployed for two times and all my bills got late. I'm receiving calls everyday from money companies saying they will take me to court to get my house.

I live in a small apartment and I would pay the same amount for a rented house as I'm paying for my mortgage (600 dollars), so it would be the same for me to get rid of my apartment. Besides, here in Europe (and as you probably know Portugal is on bankruptcy), the houses's value went down, so I can't even sell it without losing money.

So, I'm begging for your help to pay 7.200 dollars to the bank, clean my bank bills and start a new life with only the apartment's mortagage to pay. I will be so thankful for those who can help me. Thank you very much in advance.

Hello!

I'm 32 y.o. man, living in Portugal and my last 3 years were a mess. I've always worked hard, lived by myself, sustained myself, but then I got unemployed for two times and all my bills got late. I'm receiving calls everyday from money companies saying they will take me to court to get my house.

I live in a small apartment and I would pay the same amount for a rented house as I'm paying for my mortgage (600 dollars), so it would be the same for me to get rid of my apartment. Besides, here in Europe (and as you probably know Portugal is on bankruptcy), the houses's value went down, so I can't even sell it without losing money.

So, I'm begging for your help to pay 7.200 dollars to the bank, clean my bank bills and start a new life with only the apartment's mortagage to pay. I will be so thankful for those who can help me. Thank you very much in advance.

I'm a mother of 2 small children and it is still cold up here and our power and gas bills are high this month and I am disabled due to injuries sustained from domestic violence and I can't work. So I have no money. Please someone my power bill is 300$ and my gas is 150$ I have til the 6th to pay it. Please someone help :(

I was injured this year in may on my job and as a result of the injuries Ial sustained it is highly unlikely I will able to return to work anytime soon, nevertheless the workmens comp I receive doesn't even cover a third of my financial responsibilities...I have cut out cable, home phone, home internet in my pursuit to keep my head above water but to no avail....I'm about to be evicted and lose my only vehicle for non payment.....I am a good person I eveven took in a single mom with two kids who had nowhere to go, but after they ran my bills up and stole from me they disappeared....anyhow I just need a small jesture of financial assistance to get me through because I am able to return to work I can and will pay it forward.... God Bless

Hello, my name is Toby. Thank you for taking the time to read my story of Heartache, Healing, Happiness & Heartache again…

My Heartache
I was a victim in a horrific accident, which changed my life in a split second. When I regained consciousness after being in a coma for three months, I realized that the way I lived and saw life in the past, would change forever. To my horror I saw that my one leg was amputated at my knee - and that was only the beginning – I was paralyzed from my waist downwards.

The doctors informed me that I was very lucky to be alive. I broke my lower back on three places, had 27 fractures throughout my whole body and had a fractured skull. The medical staff told me that I was on life support for two weeks and they feared that I would not survive my injuries, and if I did survive, that I would have brain damage (the bleeding in my skull had caused my head to swell to double it’s size) and that I would be paralyzed for the rest of my life - confined to a wheelchair.

My Healing
I underwent groundbreaking surgery on my back, taking bone from my hip bone to rebuild the vertebrae in my back. After wearing a body brace for 3 months, I started swimming to the best of my ability with my lower body being paralyzed. I spent 6 to 8 hours a day in the pool and miraculously, after doing this for 22 months, I slowly regained feeling and movement in my amputated leg. I was overcome with joy.

My Happiness
Finally, after being confined to a wheelchair for 3 years, with a brace on my paralyzed leg and a walking aid, I took my first step. I never regained the use of my one leg – I regained a small amount of feeling, but no movement. But this handicap did not bother me – I had my prosthetic leg and my walking aid – I could move around, have a shower, be “normal”.

I was so incredibly grateful for this “Second Chance on Life”. I was on top of the world and I was looking forward to a wonderful future – I really got a second chance on life – or so I thought.

My Heartache once again…
A few months later I developed an excruciating pain in my paralyzed leg and back. This pain literally paralyzed me and I had to revert back to using a wheelchair to get around. I am back to that time in my life when I was in hospital and realized the enormity of my injuries. The pain is not only preventing me from walking, but also from living a normal life. The pain consumes me, 24 hours a day. I can’t function in the normal sense of word.

According to my surgeon, another back surgery will relieve me from the pain. This surgery is my only hope to ever walk again and have a normal life. This operation is very, very expensive (tens of thousands of dollars). My medical insurance is depleted and my medical expenses, ruined me financially.

The months since the pain started, when I could not work and was basically bedridden, I compiled an e-book on health, anti aging, super foods, diet and the perfect exercise program, sustained by years of medical research, conducted by professionals in their individual fields of expertise. This e-book was going to be my tool to make the money to pay for my surgery. I have made a few sales, but not nearly enough for to cover the cost of the back surgery that I so desperately need.

I now plea with you to find a place in your heart to make any donation towards my surgery. In return I will send you my e-book, no matter how big or small your donation is, any donation will be greatly appreciated.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and empathy.
Toby

Copy and paste the link below to receive your copy of “Your Perfect Health”
http://perfect.health.officelive.com/Donation.aspx

Hello, my name is Toby. Thank you for taking the time to read my story of Heartache, Healing, Happiness & Heartache again…

My Heartache
I was a victim in a horrific accident, which changed my life in a split second. When I regained consciousness after being in a coma for three months, I realized that the way I lived and saw life in the past, would change forever. To my horror I saw that my one leg was amputated at my knee - and that was only the beginning – I was paralyzed from my waist downwards.

The doctors informed me that I was very lucky to be alive. I broke my lower back on three places, had 27 fractures throughout my whole body and had a fractured skull. The medical staff told me that I was on life support for two weeks and they feared that I would not survive my injuries, and if I did survive, that I would have brain damage (the bleeding in my skull had caused my head to swell to double it’s size) and that I would be paralyzed for the rest of my life - confined to a wheelchair.

My Healing
I underwent groundbreaking surgery on my back, taking bone from my hip bone to rebuild the vertebrae in my back. After wearing a body brace for 3 months, I started swimming to the best of my ability with my lower body being paralyzed. I spent 6 to 8 hours a day in the pool and miraculously, after doing this for 22 months, I slowly regained feeling and movement in my amputated leg. I was overcome with joy.

My Happiness
Finally, after being confined to a wheelchair for 3 years, with a brace on my paralyzed leg and a walking aid, I took my first step. I never regained the use of my one leg – I regained a small amount of feeling, but no movement. But this handicap did not bother me – I had my prosthetic leg and my walking aid – I could move around, have a shower, be “normal”.

I was so incredibly grateful for this “Second Chance on Life”. I was on top of the world and I was looking forward to a wonderful future – I really got a second chance on life – or so I thought.

My Heartache once again…
A few months later I developed an excruciating pain in my paralyzed leg and back. This pain literally paralyzed me and I had to revert back to using a wheelchair to get around. I am back to that time in my life when I was in hospital and realized the enormity of my injuries. The pain is not only preventing me from walking, but also from living a normal life. The pain consumes me, 24 hours a day. I can’t function in the normal sense of word.

According to my surgeon, another back surgery will relieve me from the pain. This surgery is my only hope to ever walk again and have a normal life. This operation is very, very expensive (tens of thousands of dollars). My medical insurance is depleted and my medical expenses, ruined me financially.

The months since the pain started, when I could not work and was basically bedridden, I compiled an e-book on health, anti aging, super foods, diet and the perfect exercise program, sustained by years of medical research, conducted by professionals in their individual fields of expertise. This e-book was going to be my tool to make the money to pay for my surgery. I have made a few sales, but not nearly enough for to cover the cost of the back surgery that I so desperately need.

I now plea with you to find a place in your heart to make any donation towards my surgery. In return I will send you my e-book, no matter how big or small your donation is, any donation will be greatly appreciated.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and empathy.
Toby

Click on the link below to receive your copy of “Your Perfect Health”

http://perfect.health.officelive.com/Donation.aspx