Panic Tags

Few month's ago, in an accident my spine is injured. A drunk driver crashed my car.
Before this happening, we move together to a family house, because we wait our frist baby. I lost my love and my baby. I lost everything, what was important for me.
My life is totaly crashed. I lost my family and my job. Every day I pray for God,to help.
I have no money, and If I can't pay my bills I will lost my home.Only I have got this house on my own. I'm in panic and cry a lot. If you can help me, please donate. Every dollar help me. Thank you!

I am faced with an impossible request I think. 3 years ago I was a strong, confident woman, 13 credit hours away from a BS in Biology with plan of going to graduate school. I was in an extremely abusive relationship with a man that I had to assist authorities in putting in prison. The same man left his daughter in my custody under the pretenses that her mother had abandoned her. I cared for her for two years as the only mother she knew before I found out that he had in fact kept her from her real mother and I had to return her to her biological mother. That same man sent people after me to attack me later and forced me to fear for my life. I still do.

I now understand that I was dealing with a psychopath.

After that man was incarcerated I tried to rebuild and began a relationship with another man who later went to prison for a charge that he accepted for someone else basically. While he was incarcerated my best friend of over 20 year died of unknown and still unexplainable causes. Once the man that I was with came home I then suffered two miscarriages.

I am told by my physicians that the constant state of being in a heightened and frightened state caused post traumatic stress disorder which led to an anxiety disorder coupled with daily panic attacks and agoraphobia.

Due to my condition I lost my job and no longer have health insurance. I am unable to drive or leave my house 90% of the time. I have been hospitalized on several occasions in an attempt to control the anxiety and depression that seem to only be getting worse. I feel over medicated but still as if nothing is working.

My physicians have suggested a residential psychatric program that would last approximately 30-45 days to assist me in in getting a handle on these conditions and assist me in regaining control of my life. However these programs are all self pay even if I did have insurance and range from 40-60,000 for the complete care in a facilty that can handle both the medical and therapeutic side of psychiatric care.

There is simply no way that I can accomplish this, but I feel as if I am slipping away and I am scared that I will never come back.

I just want my life back. To be free from these nightmares, this panic, these fears and to not live my life on medications that due nothing but make me a zombie. I had a life and a plan, I was going somewhere, and now I can't even leave my house for weeks sometimes months at a time.

My parents have basically been placed in financial ruin to assist me during this time, and they can no longer assist me. I am scared beyond words, If I don't find a way to get help, to get better, I fear for what will happen to me, how I will live, pay bills, work, be a functinal member of society.

I feel that committing to a residential program as suggested is my only option left, my only option for survival. I am desperate and scared. But I don't know how to accomplish what seems to be the only hope.

Please Help, someone please throw me a rope, I am desperate, lost in a dark pit somewhere, I can't see out, there seems to be no way out......I need a rope.....Please help.

Recently, I was kicked out of my parents house and dropped as a dependent. This means I lost all of my insurance to go along with it. I take many medications per day, including meds for migraines, fibromyalgia, bipolar and panic disorder, insomnia. However, the most important reasons I need my meds are for my endometriosis. I was diagnosed at 17 when I had surgery due to the severe pain I had been going through for years, and the doctor's comments were that my case was the worst he had ever seen - especially in someone so young. My most recent doctor acknowledged that I would need to have a historectomy early due to the endo. He also stated that I would need to conceive soon to ensure that I could get pregnant at all. I have been on Depo Lupron for a while but have not finished my treatment to clear up my endo. Now I do not have the money to receive the shots. I'm really hoping I will be able to conceive...

My best friend was recently diagnosed with cancer. She's too proud to ask for help herself, and I'm one of the few people in her life that even knows she's sick. Her own family (who recently disowned her after she broke up with a fiance they liked) doesn't even know what's going on.

My friend started having a panic attack after doing some calculations and realizing that she can't afford her final semester of college this August after paying for Chemotherapy and some unexpected car repairs. Her family refuses to give her the information she needs to fill out her FAFSA, so she can't even get student loans.

I couldn't stand seeing her like that -- She's been struggling with issues for years due to a traumatic childhood, and to see her dreams of graduating fall apart due to money issues was too much to bear.

So I told her I'd pay for her last semester, in full. And looking at my finances, I will be able to pay for most of it if I penny-pinch, don't eat out, avoid driving anywhere I don't need to, and donate some blood to the local blood bank. But it looks like even with doing that, I'll come up about $500 or $600 short.

If you can donate and help out, I'd be forever grateful for you helping her dreams come true. If you can't donate, have any ideas on how someone living in the Clark County, Nevada area could make some money over the weekends, let me know in the comments.

I'd never considered anything like this before, but today we've finally been pushed over the limit. I am a married man in my early twenties with two kids, a boy age 6, a girl age 2. Things have been going great until this month, I recently lost my job, I was a caregiver and the family no longer needs me, my wife goes to school and is so close to finishing, but until then we're hurting. As of today, our car got hit and the front bumper and headlights broke off and were crushed, my wife was the one in the accident, she was in a panic and didn't know what to do, swapped information and did nothing else, after that they said it was her fault, so it's going to cost us 988$ to get repaired. I've been trying to find new work, but like everywhere else it's scarce. We're already giving up most elective activities, we lost cable last week. x.x

Thanks for taking your time to read this, if you did, and if you help you will receive a personalized thank you.

I have anxiety disorder, sometimes raging agoraphobia and also fell in 2007, causing two vertebrae to bulge and also did some nerve damage to my left arm. I suffer from severe back pain, hip and leg pain everyday and I drop things with my left had constantly! I tried and tried to push on, through the pain and depression I had but finally cracked and I was laid off in 2010 from my job for not being able to handle the pain or the pressure and stress and shortly thereafter met a guy who I will call Jake. Jake has panic disorder, agoraphobia and dependent personality disorder. His family had abandoned him, his friends had become fatigued with his panic attacks. He was in a bad situation being abused by someone who was taking advantage of his disabilities. My mother had over 20 years of suffering this type of illness and was in an abusive marriage, and I had had my own issues with anxiety and depression so I felt I had to help. I invited him to come live in my home. I told him I would do all I could to help. I arranged some free therapy. Introduced him to my friends and family. Gave him all the kindness and love I had in me.

I had hoped it would help. It has not. He is still depressed, still agoraphobic and the worst part for me, still has dependent personality disorder. Now for those who don’t know what this is, well it means I can’t leave the house without him and naturally he can’t leave the house without me. We have not been more than 50 feet from each other in the year he has been here. He can’t go and do anything like movies, bowling, shopping or anything like that so I can’t either, when I myself feel able to do any of those things that is. Don’t feel sorry for me though. I have fallen in love and this is a small sacrifice to make sure he is okay.

We both applied for disability five months ago but it is still working through the process. My unemployment ran out six weeks ago so we have no more income and to make matters worse my father who has early onset dementia with psychotic features had no where else to go so he is living with us now. This has all put serious strain on me. How to pay bills with no money? How do I help this man I love get better? How do I get my sick dad, who has no one else to help him get to appointments with doctors and therapist when I can’t leave the house myself? How do I get better?

I am in serious need of help. I need to be able to at least keep the house and keep the lights on. I don’ t know what to do. I am lost. There is no help for someone who tries to help others. I called the department of family and children services and asked if there was any government program or even charity they knew of that I could apply for help with and they acted like I was a crazy person. She was like, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do for you.”

I am out of savings and my bills are due. I have appealed to family and friends but they are all strapped themselves. I have sold my van, a computer and anything else I had around my house to survive but I am tapped out. Now I am here, depressed and hurting all the time, my friend is here, depressed and we both are having a lot of anxiety. My dad is here and has no where else to go and I am so scared. I have never been in a situation where I had not only my life but the lives of others in my hands and I can’t do anything.

I feel helpless, hopeless and sometimes think it’s not worth going on. I just need some help making my bills for now until disability comes through. Then some of my stress will be reduced. Some that is. But that is most pressing right now. Like I said, keeping the lights on and a phone and car going in case of emergencies.

On top of everything I feel so alone. I have to try and smile because I don’t want my friend or dad to worry. I won’t them to know I am gonna be here for them and not let them down. But I don’t know where to turn to get the help so that does not happen. I am afraid. I am scared. I am depressed and stressed. I need help.

Life is so bad. Lost my job and I'm 58 noone will hire or even reply to my resumes. My husband is handicap and 73, just had open heart surgery so he can't work. We live only on his Social Security and this state says we make too much for assistance. Hum, let them try to live on it. This month we are living on $20 for 3 weeks. Always late on rent. Waiting for phone, TV to be disconnected which happens regularly. Groceries, well go to food pantry to help. Worked all my life and can't believe this is happening. I just sit in my chair most of the time if I'm not crying or having panic attacks. Can't afford insurance or meds, so go to free clinic when I can get in. I'm diabetic, heart issues, lung issues, etc and playing russian roulette, but what can I do. Hope nothing major happens because I have no insurance and can't afford hospital bills, guess I see my parents earlier in heaven.
Anyone if you can help, please please please help us. Anything will help. I've written Ellen so many times but she must think we are worth the help, old folks that we are.

Dear Selfless Donor,

My name is Carol and I am a college grad facing extremely difficult times. Like many others, I have not been guaranteed success and steady employment after college. After living with my parents and endlessly floating from minimum wage job to another in a small rural town with no opportunities, I decided to take control of my life, take a risk, and move back to Philadelphia for more opportunities. I have finally landed a wonderful, amazing job in my field of marketing, but I just started so I won't be getting a paycheck for a few weeks, and I have no money left and nothing else to sell. I need to pay rent in order to continue on with my newfound career, and I am drowning in debt. I have over a hundred grand in student loan debt and am about to default; both of my bank accounts are negative several hundred dollars due to fees and returned payments from not having the funds; I also have credit card debt from having to resort to using only plastic due to lack of money to pay for things like transportation, food, and other bills like my cell phone, which is the most basic prepaid phone and plan possible. I am overwhelmed and my stress and worry level is so high, it interferes with my health, social life, and keeps me from being able to focus in my new work completely. I have panic attacks, nervous breakdowns, and crying fits daily and I have exhausted all options aside from anything immoral and illegal and have borrowed all the money I could. I hope that a generous person could give me the help that I desperately need and once I am back on my feet I would love to pay it forward to someone else who needs it because I know how it feels. Thank you.

Hey everyone. I've been dealing with panic disorder and agoraphobia for about 10 years. I'm currently 28 years old and am almost finished with a bachelor's of science degree. It has taken me almost ten years to complete, but I refuse to give up. I live with my parents still and sell things on ebay, try to do daily jobs, and take classes either on campus or online. I do not have medical insurance and I really need to have my eyes checked, a doctor's check-up, a dental cleaning, and money for Sallie Mae bills. Food, gas, and hygiene money aside. I've pretty much run out of things to sell and my parents don't have enough money of their own to support me. I have applied for HIP but am still on the waiting list after two years. I think it's pertinent to mention that I apply for jobs daily online. I do not sit around and wait for hand-outs. A lot of the jobs I have managed to obtain, I lost due to panic attacks. If I need to "step out" for a few minutes to collect myself, the employer doesn't understand. It's very frustrating because I try repeatedly with the same results. I would love to be able to see a psychiatrist, but again, I cannot afford it. I belong to online self-help communities and try to give myself the best therapy I know how. I have potential -- I know I can offer a lot to people if I can just get out there. If anyone could help me out with any amount, I'd be unbelievably grateful. Not really sure where to go from here.

Hi, I hate to beg but am desperate. I live in the U.K am a single parent with disabilities panic attacks, agorophobia, anxiety and a degenerative back condition.
My son aged 14 severely disabled Downs Syndrome, Autisim, Challenging Behaviours, Type 1 Diabetes, Wheelchair user.
Our car was seized by Baliffs for 2 parking tickets worth £25. They now want £1000 to return the car. I am housebound and desperate now. They are selling the car at auction next week.Any help would be gratefully received. Thanks
king2511@live.co.uk

I’ve never asked for any kind of help before, and certainly not from people that I have never met! But my situation has become so desperate that I really do need help.
I have, for the last 15 years, struggled to make ends meet, following periods of ill-health, bad luck and catastrophic decision making. My circumstances are now very desperate indeed, and have even considered suicide.
In 1997 I suffered from a period of depression, that became so severe that I was forced to give up my job, and borrowed money to cover my mortgage and keep my house. Unfortunately the repayments on this ever increasing debt snowballed, and I found myself unable to meet my mortgage and household bills. I had ploughed my life savings into the home, and lost it all.
In 2006 I was approached by a friend, who was concerned for my financial circumstances, and suggested that we buy an old property, renovate it and sell it for a profit. I was desperate to make some money, and trusted my friend. I would refer you to full details of this in my Beg, as the project ended in complete failure having been ripped off by an unscrupulous builder. Work that should have taken 3 months took in excess of 9, and I ended up carrying out all the work myself. I regularly worked at the house from the early hours until well past midnight. The long hours left me exhausted, and in October 2008 I had a breakdown. I simply couldn’t carry on, and collapsed at work. My employer at the time was an unforgiving and vindictive man, and he said that I would be suspended if my work didn’t improve. I was afraid that I would lose my job, and under considerable psychological pressure from my employer I was forced to resign.
Following the failed business venture, which had plunged me into further debt, my breakdown and subsequent loss of my job, I simply couldn’t cope and pushed me into a long period of depression that became so severe that I planned to take my life. At the time I was so ill that I was unable to hold down a job, and this simply added to my woes - whilst out of work and undergoing intensive counselling I borrowed further. By the end of 2009 I was £15,000 ($23,250) in debt. I desperately want to rebuild my life now, but it is difficult to do so when I am saddled with a debt that is crippling me. Between 2009 and December 2010 my debt increased - there is no answer to it, and I will never ever me able to clear the £18,000 ($27,900) that I now owe. It is a debt that cripples me and prevents me from having a normal, happy life. I am 50 in February 2012, but have no future. I am tired of being worried, stressed, unable to sleep, and being depressed. Please, please help me start my life all over again. Please read my full story, and contact me if you have any questions. Thank you.

Hello, my name is kimberly and i dont know where else to turn so i am posting on this website. I am a survivor of the joplin may 22nd tornado. I was working at walmart when we got a code black and we all went to the back of the store. We were all joking around not really thinking much about it. We never thought walmart would get hit. My brother called me and told me that there was a tornado in joplin and that it was big and not to panic. I still didnt think walmart could get taken down, we were in a busy populated area in the middle of the city. The power went off and i told my brother i had to get off the phone. It got pretty loud and sumone yelled that it was here. I looked up and seen the roof getting ripped off. Everyone then screamed and we got down on our knees and prayed. All i could do is pray to see my little boys again and my husband and the rest of my family. The winds were so fast and i was getting hit with all sorts of things and something was on my back and was very heavy and something hit me in the head. It got quiet and people thought it was over and i was yelling at everyone to stay down for a little while to ensure it was over. After about 5 minutes we got hit with the end of the tornado and was just holding on to whatever i could and telling everyone that i loved them, even if i didnt know them. We were very crammed together as some people were on top of each and there was zero moving room and we were getting heavily rained on and hailed on. I found a small hole to put my hand through so that hopefully someone would see it and help us out. After about 30 min sumone was able to help get me out and i started helping others get out as there were many injured and many children. I started ripping open blankets to give to people because we were all soaked, filthy and freezing. Once i finally got out of the store and to the parking lot, i was in shock. Everyones cars were on top of each other and crushed. And i looked around and everything was flattened for miles. I dont know how any of us survived because walmart was totaled where we were. I have dealt with alot of anxiety since then and am dreading spring this year. I would really like to raise money for a shelter to have peace of mind and to ensure my kids safety. I never want my familys safety. Going through this tornado has made me realize how important things are in life and to have fun with my family and to appreciate life. I am going back to school andd my car just broke down and we think its the cadillac converter which i cant afford. I also want to help my dad out. He is disabled and raising my 3 teenage brothers. He is hurting financially as well and i love to help him when i can. I have a new found look on life now and love my kids so much and im so happy i was able to go home to them. There were many people that didnt make it that day and that easily could have been me. There are many heros from that frightful day. I dont like asking for help but i didnt know where else to go. I appreciate the people that help out people like me. You are wonderful people and god bless. Anything at all would help me out at this time. Thank you for taking time to listen to my story and thank you for donating. You are amazing and cherish those you love because you never know what could happen. Thank you!

I am nearly 60 years old and am loosing everything. I lost my job and downsized to an apartment with the rest in storage. I still have not found a job and have been served eviction papers on the apartment and registered mail for the auction of my storage. I haven't been to the grocery store in months and now am down to a few canned goods and oatmeal. I need your help and am hoping someone will see this and contact me. this is a last ditch effort to salvage what is left of my life. Please think of me and help me. I don;t know what else to do. This is the act of someone who is is panic stricken. Please help me.

I am nearly 60 years old and am loosing everything. I lost my job and downsized to an apartment with the rest in storage. I still have not found a job and have been served eviction papers on the apartment and registered mail for the auction of my storage. I haven't been to the grocery store in months and now am down to a few canned goods and oatmeal. I need your help and am hoping someone will see this and contact me. this is a last ditch effort to salvage what is left of my life. Please think of me and help me. I don;t know what else to do. This is the act of someone who is is panic stricken. Please help me.

I am nearly 60 years old and am loosing everything. I lost my job and downsized to an apartment with the rest in storage. I still have not found a job and have been served eviction papers on the apartment and registered mail for the auction of my storage. I haven't been to the grocery store in months and now am down to a few canned goods and oatmeal. I need your help and am hoping someone will see this and contact me. this is a last ditch effort to salvage what is left of my life. Please think of me and help me. I don;t know what else to do. This is the act of someone who is is panic stricken. Please help me.

I am nearly 60 years old and am loosing everything. I lost my job and downsized to an apartment with the rest in storage. I still have not found a job and have been served eviction papers on the apartment and registered mail for the auction of my storage. I haven't been to the grocery store in months and now am down to a few canned goods and oatmeal. I need your help and am hoping someone will see this and contact me. this is a last ditch effort to salvage what is left of my life. Please think of me and help me. I don;t know what else to do. This is the act of someone who is is panic stricken. Please help me.

I am nearly 60 years old and am loosing everything. I lost my job and downsized to an apartment with the rest in storage. I still have not found a job and have been served eviction papers on the apartment and registered mail for the auction of my storage. I haven't been to the grocery store in months and now am down to a few canned goods and oatmeal. I need your help and am hoping someone will see this and contact me. this is a last ditch effort to salvage what is left of my life. Please think of me and help me. I don;t know what else to do. This is the act of someone who is is panic stricken. Please help me.

I am nearly 60 years old and am loosing everything. I lost my job and downsized to an apartment with the rest in storage. I still have not found a job and have been served eviction papers on the apartment and registered mail for the auction of my storage. I haven't been to the grocery store in months and now am down to a few canned goods and oatmeal. I need your help and am hoping someone will see this and contact me. this is a last ditch effort to salvage what is left of my life. Please think of me and help me. I don;t know what else to do. This is the act of someone who is is panic stricken. Please.

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.
From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.

From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

Hello I need help moving out of my in laws basement. My wife, myself, and three small kids currently reside in Maryland and have been staying in my father in laws basement for the past two years. We found a home near more family in Georgia and need some help moving. I have severe nerve injury and am unable to have a full time job. My wife takes care of out three children, but also suffers from severe panic attacks and doesn't leave the house.I served in the Marine Corps for six years did two tours in Afghanistan, and I do receive some assistance for my injuries, but we are currently appealing the V.A. decision to get a higher disability rating. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you in advance

Hi! I'm a 34 year old who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, extreme anxiety and panic who can't no longer work because of my mental illness.I can no longer afford to pay my student loans but have no choice to;but, leaves me with few money to survive or eat throughout the month...I really need the help.I could no longer afford to pay rent,and i don't want to give up my apartment and my dog. I always have been independent, and never thought I would ever ask anyone for help. If you pay part of my student loans which is $28,000.00, I would greatly appreciate it. And, if you can't help me thank you for taking time reading this.If you can help please email @ Nickreyf@yahoo.com. Thanks.

Thank you for reading my post. I am 61yrs I lost my job .I have been looking for work and he has been very hard to find one .My daughter and my two grand kids
are living with me. My daughter is going to school. I was the sole provider now that I am not working our life turn upside down. I am having panic attack I can not sleep at night not knowing were to turn to find the rent money for the first of September I have try every where and I was told I needed to have a job for them to help me. I need help With $1500.00 to pay the rent.water electricity and my car Insurance. Please help me. God Bless

I was raised in my beautiful grandma's house. I consider her more my mother than my own mother. She is a women of strength, confidence, encouragement, grace and class. My grandmother has been the rock in our family all my life. She raised 5 children and 6 grandchildren. At one point, 12 people lived in her 4 bedroom townhouse. All her grandchildren were there, and 4 out of 5 sons lived there. She cooked and cleaned for us everyday. She never complained about doing it because she wanted us to learn that family comes first. She eventually moved to Florida with my grandfather and my life has never been the same since.

Within the last 6 years, her health has gotten worse. She suffers from diabetes. Two years ago she suffered a minor stoke. She did not want to tell any of her grandchildren in fear that we were going to panic. Well we ALL panicked! She goes to doctors appointments twice a week to make sure her blood levels are normal but always seems to get bad news. I didn't realize the extent of her illness until recently. I was getting married in The Bahamas and was excited to have my family and friends there. I was excited to have my grandmother walk me down the aisle and be apart of this wonderful day in my life. She had been feeling so sick lately that she said she wasn't going to be able to make it to my wedding. To express to you how that made me feel is indescribable. I got married without my grandmother there and it was heart breaking. I would have down ANYTHING for her to be there.

My grandmothers nieces have decided to throw her an 80th birthday party. I am very excited to help and very eager to see her. Unfortunately, the party is starting to add up and none of her children are able to help pay. I asked my cousins (her grandchildren) to help and they are being jerks about helping the ONE woman in their life that has down EVERYTHING for them! They are such jerks! I can only give a little towards her birthday and I can't believe they can't even give $20 each! I am asking if any of you out there can help with ANY amount, I would appreciate it. I love my grandmother more than anything and I want her to have the best birthday ever. Please help if you can.

Hi my name is Danielle Gonzalez. Im 22 yrs old and just had my daughter Jaylynn Dejesus on November 22 of 2011(shes my 1st and only child). My boyfriends name is Julian Dejesus ,he's 21 yrs old. Julian is currently incarcertaed at the manhattan detention center in downtown manhattan, New york city. Julian is severally emotionally disturbed and suffers from anxiety as well he also has a diagnosis of minor adhd. .He was originally arrested for possesion with intention to sell. While he was awaiting the judge at the benches in court his ex lawyer(legal aid) had told he and I that he would be facing some serious time and she also stated to him that I was not coming to the courthouse which also would cause him to panic. Julian had paniced and try to flee from court. He is know charged with possession with intention to sell, assault on an officer(allegedly) and escape. His next court date is on jan 4th 2012. If it is possible for him to do an impatient program without any jailtime please help me get that for him.hes been in there sence he was arrested on December 1st. If theres is anything you can assist me with even if you can't personally help I'de really appreciate the guidance im really desprite and would like to do what ever I can to help him. Julian Is not a bad person this is his first offence and there kind of trying to throw away the key. He has so much more to offer and deserves a second chance at life to show everyone how wonderful of a person he can be. He had NO guidance what so ever as a young kid. No mother of father his grandmother is illiterate and the rest of his family are drug addicts. he grew up in a domestic violence home. he raised his self on the streets living from crack house to crack house.Im not asking for any pitty or any money im just asking for help and understanding, i want him to see there are good people out there who do care even without any attachments to a person. Please help me, I beg you!(his bail is 12,000) but i cannot afford that at all!!)please help meeee!!!any donations help pls