Overwhelmed Tags

I don't like the word beg but I guess that is what it is. My pride is high and I hate asking for help but I don't know what else to do. I saw something on TV and decided to try this. Here goes!
I am a 39 year old with 3 children and a disabled husband. I have a lot of issues right now that I am trying to deal with and keep my family off the streets. I don't mind sharing my story if need be because honesty is the best policy. My husbands SSI is very low, as if he has not really worked and he is over 50. I have been trying to keep my head up and keep my bills paid. I work but my job is a PRN position because it was all I could get. I was making a fairly good pay until they decided our department needed cut backs and cut our hourly pay almost three dollars. I am trying so hard to finish school to be a LPN and then a RN. I have been trying to finish school since 1992. I know that if I can get my degree, I can provide for my family. So, I have bills up my butt and school is hard. Now, I am dealing with losing my financial aid because though I have a high enough GPA, my other cumulative average is below standard. I knew nothing about that. I was focusing on making sure my grades were good enough. My 14 year old daughter is pregnant and I can't even afford to begin buying baby things or think of how to save for it. My husband is so content with his little check until nothing else matters. My oldest daughter is in college with me trying to get her LPN but her hearts desire is to be an OB/GYN but they changed the required score level for the SAT and ACT and she registered one quarter to late to get in. Had she registered earlier, she could have gotten in the school she wants to attend but now she has to go to a local college and earn credits and then transfer, IF her grades are good enough. ON top of all that, my husband was just hit in the rear by another driver and our car was totaled and he was hurt. So, my only car, of which I was paying on still, is gone and I owe to much on it for the insurance to pay it off.
I feel overwhelmed, depressed and like I will never make it. I am working, attending school, and trying to write a book and do a gospel CD. Anything to try and bring in money to support my family. I really don't know what else to do.
I don't know if this works or not, but I am willing to try. I have felt so bad until at times I wanted to just end it all but I know that is not the example I want for my children. I want to see my grand daughter born and I want my children to finish school and do better than me, but also see me come out of my struggle. I keep telling them I am going to buy the house we live in, they keep laughing and even with that, the land lord is talking about putting it on the market because I can't come up with what I need to even start buying. I pray that God blesses my household and family. If someone does decide that my issues are worth helping, then I pray God bless you with an overflow for your blessing me. I don't know what else to say but thank you in advance. As embarrassed as I am, I can only pray this is real. If not, at least I got to vent and get it all of my chest. I had no one else to tell anyway.
Thank You!

Psych major at UMass. Overwhelmed with student loans, supposed to graduate this year but can't register for more classes unless my student bill is under $500. Maxed out credit cards, can't keep the cell on, and barely eat every month. Any amount helps and I don't have shame in showing my bills if you want to see them first.

I am caring for my 82-year-old mother. Even with her Medicare, we are overwhelmed with medical bills, plus all the things she needs that insurance won;t pay for. I have been out of work for over 8 months and have sold/pawned everything of value. We are awaiting approval for food stamps but it's a long process and we probably won't get much. Anything would help, 5 or ten dollars would be so appreciated.

Hello,

I am a UK-based songwriter and musician and am struggling badly to support a family with partner and 2 kids. I have become overwhelmed with debt, bills to pay etc. I am basically drowning. Although I have a part-time job, it doesn't pay much (the job is all I could get) it's still proving very difficult to make ends meet and the trend is dispiritingly downhill. I'd like to propose a genuine offer to hopefully encourage some donations:- I have made several solo albums of my songs, which are available on iTunes. My proposal is that for anyone who donates some money to me via Paypal, I will reply to your email address with a link which will enable you to download an album of ten songs in return, for whatever you can afford to donate. I would really appreciate any help and will be glad to give something in return. It's basically all I have to give! Thank you so much

I WILL do my best to keep this short. i am a single mom of a beautiful 1 year old baby boy...recently escaped from an abusive partner(my baby's father)...i am trying to get back on my feet and above all provide my son with a safe happy and healthy life... i want to watch him grow into an amazing man that i know he has the potential to become...as long as we are offered a reeeal chance at our opportunities......
~i am having trouble finding a a good reliable job...due to my extensive surgeries and health problems(ONE example: i have to have my entire mouth reconstructed and full implants and jaw surgery....which i just cannot afford,but is life threatening)
my son and i are staying at my parents house until i can figure out a better way for us...however my parents have alot of health issues going on to...and they dont have the financial means to allow us to continue living with them for long...i found a beautiful home for us and our 2 dogs(who are sadly not w us until we find a home...and are not in the best of care...but its all i hhave:()...yet i cannot afford any of this rightnow...i want to go back to school....and raise my son the best i can....i need to provide love ,safety ,and security...i am sooo scared and overwhelmed...... if you have the means a dollar donation toward helping my family in anyway, would be deeeply appreciated and never forgotten.

Graduating this Spring 2012 as a Biologist has cost all my money. There is no more financial aid left and I graduate in one quarter, Car payment due and rent due too. Trying to avoid sleeping in car. Overwhelmed until I begin work this summer. Must pay back payments totalling $1,800 dollars to stay afloat.Please contribute a dollar if you can. Need to raise $1,800 dollars by graduation in June 2012. I greatly appreciate any amount you can donate.

Dear Selfless Donor,

My name is Carol and I am a college grad facing extremely difficult times. Like many others, I have not been guaranteed success and steady employment after college. After living with my parents and endlessly floating from minimum wage job to another in a small rural town with no opportunities, I decided to take control of my life, take a risk, and move back to Philadelphia for more opportunities. I have finally landed a wonderful, amazing job in my field of marketing, but I just started so I won't be getting a paycheck for a few weeks, and I have no money left and nothing else to sell. I need to pay rent in order to continue on with my newfound career, and I am drowning in debt. I have over a hundred grand in student loan debt and am about to default; both of my bank accounts are negative several hundred dollars due to fees and returned payments from not having the funds; I also have credit card debt from having to resort to using only plastic due to lack of money to pay for things like transportation, food, and other bills like my cell phone, which is the most basic prepaid phone and plan possible. I am overwhelmed and my stress and worry level is so high, it interferes with my health, social life, and keeps me from being able to focus in my new work completely. I have panic attacks, nervous breakdowns, and crying fits daily and I have exhausted all options aside from anything immoral and illegal and have borrowed all the money I could. I hope that a generous person could give me the help that I desperately need and once I am back on my feet I would love to pay it forward to someone else who needs it because I know how it feels. Thank you.

Hi, Please can some one help me, I am an ex gambler who is trying to pay off all the money i owe. I am not doing very well at the moment and i feel overwhelmed with my debt.I go to gamblers anonymous who are a great help. But at the moment i am not coping with debts they are just getting bigger by the day.
Like an idiot I thought that I would win and just kept gambling.
I have lost everything that i and my husband had saved . I only gambled for 2 months but in that short time i have changed my life from a great one to one of complete desperation...
I do hope that someone can help me just a little..
Thank you for taking the time to read my plea..

I am a single mother of 3 small children, recently abandoned by my husband and worried about how I am going to care for my children. All of my bills are due Rent,Electric,and Phone and i am having to try to make ends meet with 600$ a month which is the amount of my rent. I have applied for assistance from the state and was informed that it could take up to 30 days to get approved. I am desperate and losing hope very quickly. Any help would be a blessing from the Lord. I am overwhelmed right now and just need a little help to get our lives back on track.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I am requesting for assistance because I am overwhelmed with my current financial situation, but determined also that I have to fight on for my two daughters who need me. I am a lone parent who has always provided for my two children single handedly with no assistance but in recent months things have really taken a turn for the worse. I used to be proud of my credit status but now I am ashamed of it.
I am not able to afford to do much at the moment financially.This house that I have moved to needs a total refurb however my kitchen is where I feel I should start my kitchen is in a terrible state I cannot aford to install one I cook using a single burner electric hob. I do need about £2000 to install a kitchen with some basic appliances. I together with my two little girls would greatly appreciate contributions no matter how small towards my kitchen fund.

I recently discovered I am pregnant with my first child and am overwhelmed. I am excited about the idea of becoming a mother and know that I will be a good parent. I am educated, hard working and love children.

I have been a dog rescuer for over 10 years, working as a foster parent for my local humane society. This is 100% a volunteer position that I donate a lot of my time, energy and resources to. In the past 10 years I have rescued, rehabilitated and re-homed over 300 dogs and puppies.

I do have a full-time job to pay my bills. I am a hard worker and have been at my current job for 6 years. However, due to the economy in my area, my income recently took a sharp nosedive. I am looking for additional work to supplement my income and/or a different full-time job (that is not commission based).

Unfortunately, my bills are now behind and my home is in foreclosure. I own a small farm in the country and have a great set-up for the foster work that I do and a great place to raise a child. Rentals in our area tend to be higher than what my mortgage payment is now ($550), so moving wouldn't be a better move for me financially. I am currently 3 payments behind.

With cold weather here now, my electric bill has spiked and is now averaging about $195 a month (most months it is only about $85-$90).

I own my vehicle outright, but it's older and seems to be in need of more and more repairs. Right now I am in debt to my mechanic $165 for brake work he did 2 weeks ago. It's an older SUV and a gas guzzler.

I do not live a fancy lifestyle, by any means. I do not have cable tv, high-speed internet, new clothes or shoes, expensive purses or designer sunglasses. I live a very modest and healthy life and do not believe in waste. I'm not a drinker, not a smoker and do not use drugs of any kind.

The humane society foots in the bill on all of the foster-dog related expenses (vet care, food, toys, etc.), so I have no money going out towards that. I have cut back on the number of dogs that I foster, from 2-3 at a time to just 1. I am a responsible foster parent and in no way a hoarder.

I intend to continue fostering up until I have the baby (due date is August 15th). I get so much personal fulfillment out of rescue work and I know will miss it when the baby comes. However, I know that I will want to focus 100% on my child and being the best mom I can be.

I have always been a big believer in paying it forward to the greater good. I'm hoping that this plea will reach someone out there who is currently in a comfortable financial position and willing to assist someone who is not.

I can, and will, provide proof of any of the facts I stated above, including a letter from my employer, a letter from the humane society director, copies of my utility bills, mortgage bill, etc., upon request.

My wife, two kids and I are lucky to still have a house over our heads. For now that is. We are overwhelmed, as many are these days, with a mountain of debt that is never-ending. We will never see the light of day without help. Our story is not unusual but we ask for your help to begin digging out of this hole. Anything would help! Please do what you can if you are able! Thank you and God bless.

I really hate asking for help like this but, desperate times call for desperate measures. I am a 20 year old single mom of a 10 month of boy. His father and I were together for over 4 years and I guess one day he decided that having a family isnt what he wanted. He left and I have no idea where he went, he quit his job, changed his number and his family wont talk to me! He left me and my son with nothing but over due bills, an eviction notice and broken hearts. I have a job at a local gas station but no one wants to watch someones child for free so I am now working parttime so cut childcare down a bit, but that means less money in general. Im so far behind on everything and just dont know what to do anymore. With overdue bills, an eviction notice, christmas and my sons birthday I am so overwhelmed! I just cant seem to get myself out of this rut i am in. Pay a little here, pay a little there and things still just keep adding up up up up up not to mention diapers, wipes, food, formula!
I hope someone can find it in their heart to help me out of this rut, and help me give my son the life he deserves!

Thank you in advance and God Bless!

I don't know how I feel about this. I guess this is what happens when you get desperate? I used to be the one donating to causes. I haven't done that for a while.

I am 25 year old woman who used to look forward to life. I have a partner of 8 years, who also has seen happier times. In the last 12 months I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and panic attacks. It's paralyzing.

We both finished high school in 2004, soon after, my Nanna whom I loved like my own mother got a brain tumor. I was forced to quit my retail job, look after her (she had no money/retirement) although I don't regret it. I looked after her. She died 5 months later and I have been grieving since. It was very traumatic.

My partner and I decided to start saving for a home in 2006. We bought a very old apartment in 2008. We were both working jobs we hated 4 hours away from our home, but it paid the bills.

Then my partner incurred a life long injury in his back. He had to choose between work and his health. He lost his job eventually and I lost my job during cuts. Our parents were paying for our home for a few months.

Then my partners Dad got cancer. We both had to go on welfare (which was the most embarrassing moment of my life, I literally wept when the woman was treating us like the scum of the earth all because we had fallen on hard times). We ended up moving home to ease some of the pressure and to help his Dad out.

We found renters for the apartment in time, but the rent is not enough to cover the costs. We are in debt to a loan taken out to help us pay bills when my partner hurt his back/was jobless.

I then had a very public breakdown earlier this year. I haven't worked since February. I went to the doctors with our last remaining money to help myself. That's when I was diagnosed with mental illness.

My partner eventually found a job that accepted him and his life long back injury, but it pays half of what it used to. He's working hard, he does what he can. He does extra work on the side. He rarely gets a day off. And yet our heads are just above water.

The thing is, we're 25 and don't have any silly consumer debt. We did everything right, we followed the rules, we studied hard and we worked hard. And we just get tossed aside when we're not needed anymore.

I know there is a lot of people out there asking for help. I know, I am always so overwhelmed by the world and it's problems. I wish I could make a difference.

I am asking for any donations, as little as you can spare. It will make a huge difference in our lives at the moment, it will provide some financial relief. I will be able to afford to continue to go get medical help, same with my partner. And we'll be able to keep our apartment that we worked so hard for.

Thank you.

My Illness

I am Kit Kaplan's sister. My name is Gigi Fredy and I first became ill over a year ago when I was diagnosed with emphysema. I was hospitalized frequently and lost my sales job because I could not produce. While in the hospital they found I had non-drinkers cirrhosis of the liver (a family illness which killed my cousin recently).

I also have painful cirrhotic arthritis, diabetes, and now a serious heart condition from stress. My ribs are fracturing and I may have bone cancer.  It seems like every week I have another diagnosis, most of which can kill me.

I am Raising a Disabled Child

My daughter Ashley is 19 and and has a 16 month old son Kingston. She became extremely unstable after his birth. Ashley has struggled with physical and mental illness on and off since her childhood and has been in 10 institutions since the baby was born. She gets overwhelmed easy and is afraid of losing me so she has begun to have small mental breakdowns that land her in the psychiatric ward.

The stress of raising Ashley alone has taken a toll on me over the years and now I am primary caregiver for the baby who exhausts me and I fear we will have to give him up.

We live week to week on gifts from friends and family, always fearing eviction. Our family has said they have no more to give. We have no car and my daughter cannot get to her treatment program so we are stuck inside most of the time as it is very hot here.

I applied for disability and Ashley also has a strong disability case. Will be able to support ourselves then but we don't know when it will happen.

In the meantime, we are living hand to mouth running out of diapers and food and almost got evicted last month. I am exhausted and terrified. We are afraid we will have to give up the baby and move to a shelter. I don't know how my life got this bad but it did.

You can help!

It is hard for me having supported myself since I was 15 to now have to live on the goodness of others. I need your help. Please donate what you can. Even $25 will pay for diapers for the month. $100 pays a utility bill. Our monthly expenses are $1800, give what you can.

God bless you.
Gigi Fredy, Ashley and Kingston

I was told about the value of an education, but the joy of earning a PhD has been overshadowed by the over a quarter million debt incurred from credit cards, student loans, and a divorce. At 30, I am extremely overwhelmed and sometimes not sure how I haven't had a mental breakdown yet. I've calculated that if I could get 1 dollar from 325,000 people then I could actually have peace of mind again and think about the future more positively.

I have recently found myself desperatly trying to get ahead in life. I am overwhelmed by my student loan debt and have no where else to turn! I thought that by going to school and getting a degree that I would be "bettering myself". It turns out I was completely wrong. I am now a college graduate with no job and mounds of debt piling up and accruing interest. Please help me with anything you can spare! I thank you for taking the time to read my plea.

My fiance and I recently had a baby. Due to the fact that our son was almost 3 monthes early, he spent the first 2 months in the NICU and I spent most of my time there with him. I have recently started working again, but my fiance had to spend 2 weeks off work with a back injury. Since all this has happened, we have just gotten behind on our bills and I cant seem to catch up. My bank account is about to be in the negative because I didnt realize that one of my bills would come out of it and I have a $250 check out there. Anyone whos ever bounced a check knows the bank is going to take me for about $200 in nsf fees cause they'll try to run it probably 5 times. I have $5 in my wallet and dont get paid again until friday. Everytime I think about my bills this month i feel so overwhelmed, I just dont know how we are going to catch up this month and I fear we will lose our car or our apartment.

My fiance and I recently had a baby. Due to the fact that our son was almost 3 monthes early, he spent the first 2 months in the NICU and I spent most of my time there with him. I have recently started working again, but my fiance had to spend 2 weeks off work with a back injury. Since all this has happened, we have just gotten behind on our bills and I cant seem to catch up. My bank account is about to be in the negative because I didnt realize that one of my bills would come out of it and I have a $250 check out there. Anyone whos ever bounced a check knows the bank is going to take me for about $200 in nsf fees cause they'll try to run it probably 5 times. I have $5 in my wallet, nothing in my fridge, and dont get paid again until friday. Thank God I already bought enough diapers and formula for the month. Everytime I think about my bills this month i feel so overwhelmed, I just dont know how we are going to catch up this month and I fear we will lose our car or our apartment.

Sorry for my sobb story I know there is others who are worse off than us. I am a strong believer that God has us on a bungie cord he will let us almost reach the ground but it depends on our faith and hope that we bounce back up. I am a mother of one beautiful angelnames israel. I'm a loving wife who will do anything for her family. I have stuck by my husband in the last 2 years of unemployment. Or while he has small contracts. I've been working two dead end jobs and recently lost one. Living on a 200 dollar a week paycheck is a major struggle. I often have no gas and walk 5 miles to work. Our power was out for 3 days in houston weather. Our car needs a new starter, which if I do have gas I have to pop the hood everytime I start it. Our rent is almost due and I can't do it. I'm always paying past due stuff or late fees. I go days not eating just so my son can. I'm weak tired and scared. I have to stay strong. My wonderful son understands and offers me his pennys to pay rent. My husband had a nervos breakdown and wanted to die.I had to stay calm and help him. We have no family to help. I can't get anymore loans. I'm looking for another server job. He is continuing to send out resumes. I'm pleading for help. I need help. I have to pay my rent. Its 725 I have to pay by the 3rd. Can anyone help?. I don't have much to offer but I can donate kids toys some used cell phones that really arnt worth anything but maybe can come to use. I'm scared for my health, stress is not easy. But when I'm overwhelmed I look at my son. His smile is priceless. Bless everyone and thank you for reading about my life. Anne

Sunday at church I was overwhelmed with emotions and couldn’t control my tears as I heard the choir and sang along with them. I was hoping God would hear me because my husband, family, and I are in such a hopeless financial situation that there is nowhere to turn and we can’t live normal lives due to our debt.

We struggle to buy grocer everyday and keep our children in school. We don’t even have enough for the fees for them to start on august 1st. All fees must be paid by July 27th or they won’t be able to attend. This is a public school. My husband has always had a full time job and many times he’s had two jobs. I work part time when I can and home school my smaller children.

We only have one old van so I take everyone to school, work, etc. We have nine children. Two are on their own with families. Seven still live at home. Two of them have families. One son was laid off of his job last month and had to move back in with us. He has been desperately trying to find a job but nothing has come in yet. One our sons got into some trouble and we tried to help him but it’s escalated and he’s ended up in trouble with the law. My husband and I tried financially to help keep him afloat, including getting a car for him in our name. Our son lost his job because of all of the trouble and we were left paying his car until it was repossessed. Now we are paying for a car we don’t have. Paying lawyers, court fees, bonds, and so much more has drained us.

We started getting loans on our wedding rings and many items in our home. We couldn’t keep up with the interest due every month and normal bills. We took out payday loans. What a mistake! Our banks became horribly overdrawn. We filed a Chapter 13 in hope of saving ourselves. We had filed before when we were younger and first married. We didn’t know any better and made huge mistakes. Our 13 now has us paying such a huge amount of $1,200 a month that we fell behind immediately because of the other debt.

Our son’s troubles have kept us from paying our debt and just being able to live. Our son is innocent. That’s why we continue to stand by him, it breaks our heart to think of him going to jail for something he didn’t do. Our Chapter 13 is going to dismiss us if we can’s pay what we’re behind. It’s almost $5,000. Our Xcel bill is going to be turned off. We owe Xcel $4,000, and our water bill is $400 and ready to be turned off also. We will be behind $1,500 on our rent by this Friday. We’re being sued for almost a thousand dollars for a pizza check that was returned by our bank. We can’t buy groceries and gas for us to get to work. We’ve been getting small loans on our children’s items to help get small amounts of food.

We’re so embarrassed. We don’t have any family who can help and we haven’t kept in touch with friends. We’re always busy with our family so we don’t have time to socialize. We feel so sorry for our children. They had to be embarrasses all of last year at school because we stilled owed fees and they couldn’t participate in school activities. They are trying to work jobs while attending school but we are so far behind that we just can’t catch up.

People who know us think we have no problems, especially financially, but we are so depressed and sad. We can’t sleep or function in our everyday lives. It has affected our whole family and it is tearing us apart. We have lost the respect of our older children because we couldn’t keep our selves together financially. Please, if you’re reading my letter, if you can help in any way, or know someone who can help, please help us. We’re good people who work hard but are guilty of having big hearts. We’ve been married for 32 years. We don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, go out, or party in any way. We believe in God and hope our prayers and faith will get us through this.

My family and I need help. We don’t know where to turn and the depression making us sick. Especially my husband. We’re going through the motions of living but were not. Please help us and our children so we can get our lives on track and start living and enjoying life. We will find a way to repay as much as possible as soon as we can.

Sincerely,
A person who is in need for her family.

It's so awful that I have to beg to get the help that I need. I'm disabled and on a fixed income and have to decide whether to buy food or pay for my medications. As a result of my health I can't work. My bills have overwhelmed me and I'm in desperate need of help with my utilities, medical bills and I have a storage unit that is in foreclosure and I don't want to lose my valuables. Thank you for reading my urgent plea even though not everyone can help and thank you for those who will and can help.

I want to start off with letting you know that this is very embarrassing to ask for help from strangers but I don't know what else to do. So here it goes.
My husband is in the Army and we have 3 amazing kids ages 9, 7 and 2. We have been married for almost 13 years and have what I like to call "The Picture Perfect Family".
We have recently gotten deep into debt and can't find a way out. This is a last resort to help dig us out.
I have not been able to find work since being stationed in El Paso, everywhere that I have tried requires you to know Spanish, which I do not. I have done babysitting to bring in money but the families that I worked for all moved with the military. Our money is gone as soon as it hits the bank going out to bills and not all of the bills get paid, they just keep adding up. When we think that we are finally getting caught up we get knocked back down again.
My Dad just passed away in January and we had to take out a military loan so that we could fly home. They automatically take out $200 a paycheck and that sets us back even further. Our mortgage check bounced along with two other bills so we have fee upon fee for those.That was just this month and doesn't count the others. The list just goes on and on.
I finally swallowed my pride and went to a food bank last week so that our kids had a warm meal only to be humiliated by the staff that worked there. I was told that since my husband is in the military that we should be financially able to pay our bills and not need a handout. Yes, we do get medical insurance and a steady paycheck but it isn't much. I have sold every unused item in our house and more. I have pawned every piece of gold that I owned and anything else of value. I have taken most of our kids toys to the consignment shop along with most of my clothes.
I am overwhelmed and don't know what to do. If you could help in any way our family would greatly appreciate it. Your help would go towards food for our family and hopefully some catch up on at least our utility bills.
We do not smoke, drink or do drugs. We are a kind and honest family.
Thank you for your time.

Hello,
My fiance and I lost our jobs, unable to get unemployment, filling out applications at every available place in town with no luck ro get hired. The utility bills and rent come due the first of this month and we have even been selling everything that we own, including my engagement ring, our t.v., some of our clothes, etc. We have even tried working for some family friends for some money but that only covered one of the bills..we are so desperate and are young and do not want to get evicted or get our utilities shut off. We are even enrolled in the discounted shut off protection plan for our utilities and cannot even afford the 55.00 a month for electric. Our rent is 395 and we are just exasperated and overwhelmed at what is going to happen to us if we cannot come up with at least that. Please help us, we would do anything and even re-pay you once we are hired somewhere.

Thank you so much

Hi,

I live in the NY/Tri-State area and have a good resume, but like many people, have not been able to secure work. My unemployment claim was rejected and I had to live off of savings. Now, I have to be out of my apartment by the end of the month (but do have family that I can stay with), overwhelmed with student loan debt, and penniless. I have fervently applied for jobs, in and out of my field and interviewed at several places, but nothing. I am a good worker and take pride in whatever I do, I just need the opportunity to do something.

Please help me get a job.

I have an IT, Finance, and accounting background, but willing and able to do any work that does not go against my moral principals.