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Extended Family In Need

Posted by Gladys on 2012-05-02 02:58:37

What do you say when you are entreating an entire world of strangers to come to your aid? How do you sound deserving of their help? How do you express, without writing a novel, why you are in need, how you came to be there, how you came to choose this way of seeking help, and how very afraid you feel.
First, the reason I chose this method. I was feeling frustrated one night after being asked to work another fund raiser. While there is no doubt that the family is very much in need their financial security was markedly better than my own. I was wondering why it seemed that it was always people who already had some means at their disposal who got that kind of sympathy and help. Obviously I was feeling self centered but still the thought remained, what kind of resources were there out there for people like me, people barely above poverty level and struggling to keep from going under. So...I started searching the internet and came across references to "begging" online. I was shocked, I was appalled...I was hopeful. The anonymity of it was a big plus.
Feeling so hopeless, and out of control is very frightening for me. I work with the public. The street people call me Smiley because I try to always stay upbeat while at work and they know that if I can I will always help them with a dollar or two when they need it. There are many people ( even those who are only a few years younger than my 55) who call me Mom and have come to me for assistance both emotionally and financially. I have two adult children of my own and many more that have come through my household and are a part of my family even though they are not related biologically. I send my own Mother money a couple times a month. She lives on a fixed income that doesn't even cover here cost of living. I can no longer afford these things but I don't know how to cut off the aid to others even though I, myself, am in need of aid.
My husband and I come from poor families and were determined to make a better life for our own children. Since we both only had high school educations neither one of us are in well paying jobs but we have always managed to survive and our children never had to worry about whether Mom and Dad were going to be able to feed and clothe them. But things have gotten progressively worse this year.
I tried to start a small business in order to provide my oldest grandchildren and one of my children with a secure job and something meaningful to do. Trying to keep them out of the "system" and teach them to have self respect, and trying to provide a means for them to have financial security. But the business never picked up and we were funneling money into it...my daughter lost her husband and we were also supporting her household. The financial strain has put us in debt that we cannot pay. Our cars have broken down, there are three running vehicles for six drivers to use getting to work and looking for work but no money to repair or replace them. My daughter and her children are living in my home, having lost theirs, and my husband and I are staying with my youngest and her family. Her husband was recently laid off and she is expecting her second child. My husband had to have surgery and that put him off work for six weeks, and now in order to keep his job we have to somehow pay for hearing aids ($3000 for the least expensive ones). Although it is hard we have stuck together and are helping each other as best we can.
The problem is that I see no end in sight. Just the electric bill is $6oo a month thru the winter months. Fuel is outrageous. Food for this many people (5 adults, 3 late teens, and 3 small children) is very expensive in this state. Mortgage payments, gas for cars, and phones...these are things everyone has to pay. I know there are many who are far worse off than I, at least we still have roofs over our heads. But the output is so much higher than the income and each month, each WEEK, sees me feeling a little more desperate. How will I, will we, end up? Will we all be living on the street next year? The interior of Alaska is no climate for the homeless. I don't know what it will take to make this better, to make my family secure but I hope there is help out there for us.

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