Lonely Tags

Last night, I found out that I may lose a huge chunk of my already very low income. I'm very frightened.

My worst fear on this earth is being homeless. I am already very much physically alone--in the sense of the only daily companionship I have is my three cats.

I am really, really scared. In the last year and a half, I've lost, my educational future, three jobs, my home, my flat...I was just getting back on my feet and now am told I owe a huge sum to the govenment because they made a big foul up on my paperwork.

I so want to be dead, it's not funny. I am NOT committing suicide--but that said, I would give anything to be dead. To me, it would be like winning the lottery. Life is far worse than death, as far as I can see.

I would very literally rather be dead than homeless.

When you're poor, or alone, or mentally ill---people treat you like dirt--like you've no value, whatsoever.

But, when you're homeless--in most American's eyes---you cease to exisit altogether. I would rather be dead. I really would. I'm really, really scared. I could use a hug right now--not a "virtual" hug, but a real one--oh, how I would love to hear the words, "everything will be alright." But it's not, and there's no one there. I'm just so scared and lost and lonely. I wish I were dead.

I'm from Mississippi, went to Oklahoma last year to see my mum, sistera, uncle.. started helping out an old friend/employer & one evening while fixing the boss' dad's computer for free, met a girl, love at first sight. Then, my parents got me to come back to MS to try out a job. I got the job, very enjoyable, $10/hr, but couldn't forget the girl, she was going crazy thinking I was ignoring her online, I was working & didn't check my messages frequently enough. So I missed her, she missed me.. I came back to OK the day after my birthday & we started our relationship. Everything was perfect. Then, she started losing it, getting stressed for no apparent reason. It turned out the boss had been feeding her meth.(this was oklahoma, after all) so we move out to be happy together, all december we just spent the money I had accumulated working in MS, then stayed in bed together until about New Years, when the boss came around.. we went to casino with her and started working for the ol' boss again, because my job search attempts during December had been fruitless without a vehicle or $ for transportation. So, living with the boss again, problems/drama came back around, my girlfriend would occasionally disappear for 3 days with no communication. I would worry about her, couldn't sleep, worrying/wondering.. we took off to Kansas to get away from the meth-heads. left everything behind, just took a few clothes & ewch other. Everything was perfect.. then my girlfriends aunt started feeding her lies and meth. Effin' meth. girls really get hooked on the stuff. so my first Valentines day was ruined because my girlfriends aunt fed her drugs and lies (i must be a cop because i wont smoke meth with them) and made her think she hates me. She also broke my phone in half and physically assaulted me, but I don't hit females, no matter how obnoxious.. I went back to Oklahoma to work with the boss. this was okay for awhile, but being depressed and lonely, having nothing else to livs for, i stuck with it, no matter how stressful. I was working(for weak pay, but i had free use of vehicles and a place to stay, this was Meth City, Oklahoma, after all - I was the only licensed, insured driver & trustworthy worker they had. I was hoping to accumulate enough funds to take a trip to KS and rescue her from corruption, or at least get her an android to keep in touch, but that never happens when the boss pays you then borrows it back. eventually, the boss' husband went crazy, thought everybody was supplying his wife drugs, or having sex with her, neither of which was I doing, but he kicked everyone out except his nephew, which turned out to be who the one who had sexted his wife from my phone. They were having a relationship, aunt & nephew, which disgusts me.. Anyway, I w(as kicked out as well, my grandparents wanted me to come to Florida to help, meanwhile, my ex comes back from KS with a boyfriend, i get a greyhound ticket to FL.. then the ex kicks her new bf back to KS, comes over needing a place to sleep & get away from meth. I give her uninterrupted sleep, feed her, etc.. and pretty soon we are together again. Nobody helps me get her a ticket to FL for what happened in KS, and before long, matching tickets are sold out. After a hellish, lonely journey in Greyhound, I end up in what seems like paradise, lonely, depressed. My girlfriend wants to get out of Meth City, and I've been trying to make the money with no luck. its been about a week now. My GF texted me how she is heartbroken and wants me to get her out of there. I need to fly her to Jacksonville airport, get her a ride to the nearest airport, and feed her, and I think it can all be accomplished for about $400. I do have intentions of repaying anyone that helps, once I start making money out here. All i need is about $400 to get her out of that drug infested town and out here to the country where she will be away from it all, distracted by lizards, squirrels, bunnies, etc. This girl means the world to me, she's had a rough life, and I want to make her life better like it should be. $400 will get her here to FL with me and I can take over from there, and when I repay, it will be more than was originally contributed, as it should be. this is "begslist" so: Pleeeeeeeease?

Because I believe in the power of prayer & the kindness of my fellow man, I've decided to swallow my pride & ask for help. This is not an action I am at all familiar with but am grasping at every straw to attempt to keep a roof over my family's head. We live in a modest house that we've called home for the past 20+ years.

I am a single mother who's been truly blessed with 4, beautiful, healthy children; 3 biological & a foster son that joined our family when he was 12…..he is now 23. My kids are the reason I continue to battle through what has been the most challenging, darkest phase of my 50 years on this Earth.

In the summer of 2011, life, as my family knew it, was forever changed. My son got off the school bus & proceeded to enter a crime scene upon opening the front door of the house we call home. It was immediately clear that we were victims of a daytime home invasion and robbery. A trail of splinters led straight to my bedroom door, which had been demolished in the process of gaining entrance & access to my personal belongings. Robbers took my box of trash bags & proceeded to fill them with anything that could be sold or traded. I came home to find that they had stolen everything of value that I had worked for in my 50 years of existence & everything of value that my kids cherished as well.

It didn't happen often, but on the occasion that I had a few extra dollars to spend on myself, I found pleasure in buying nice jewelry. Through the years, I had managed to accumulate a nice collection. Also, as a child, my father & I shared an interest in coin collecting. I had managed to hold on to several interesting coins my dad & I found. Weekly, he also, gave me & my brothers our allowance of a fifty cent piece each. I had somehow managed to hold on to many of these as well. I stored my coin collection in the bottom portion of my large armoire. This area is what my family referred to as "the safe." Anything of value, particularly sentimental, was given to me to be protected in the safe. A couple good examples are my, then, 10 year old son's game ball for hitting the Championship game winning grand slam home run & my daughter's horse riding medals, show jewelry & accessories, as well as a silver handled knife & sheath…….the only personal possession my foster son owned from his childhood. I carry a tremendous amount of guilt for not doing a better job of safe guarding my family's precious & dear possessions.

In addition to the lingering guilt, the robbery also resulted in life altering psychological effects to me & my family. I continue to wonder if & when I will ever fully recover & be the secure, self confident person I was before the robbery. Immediately following the break-in, I was consumed by finding out who was responsible & ways of obtaining this information…..I could think of nothing else. After several weeks of frantic guessing & running wild goose chases, I started to realize that regaining possession of my property was less likely as each day went by. I could feel myself falling into a dark, lonely place with deep despair…..& unfortunately, I was content to be there. For the next several months, I could not work, did not eat or sleep & rarely came out of my bedroom. There was a film in my head that ran & reran the events leading up to & immediately following the robbery…..filled with the "I should've"s, "I could've"s and "what ifs." I am plagued with distrust & no longer find interest in much of anything. I was robbed of far more than just pieces of property…..they stole my trust in mankind, my desire to thrive, my faith in the world & my sanity.

I have worked as a medical school curriculum manager for 21 years. As a result of my mental decline, I was unable to work for over three months which, consequentially, made it difficult to pay all of the bills. I managed to rob Peter to pay Paul for several months & kept up with everything except for my house payment. It is now in arrears nearly $5,000.00 & I am out of resources. For the first time in my life, I am facing foreclosure. It is embarrassing & humiliating & I don't know how to tell my kids that they are likely to have no place to call home in the very near future. I feel like such a failure! Even though I've been an exemplary employee for many years, as a consequence of the self doubting & tremendous stress, I am now faced with the strong potential of losing my job due to my inability to focus & my lack of desire to face each day, As if this wasn't enough for one person to handle, I am also witnessing the daily decline of my father & my hero due to end stage Parkinson's & Alzheimer's.

I'm not sure how this begging website works but if there is someone out there that is willing to make me a loan & work out a payment arrangement, I promise not to let you down.....you will be repaid! I am working hard to battle the persisting PTSD symptoms that continue to plague me. I just worry that facing homelessness may be more than I can handle. Lord, I hand it over to You coz I come to You a broken, wounded angel. I thank you for any consideration and appreciate all prayers. May God bless you many times & in many ways for your generosity & kindness!

Because I believe in the power of prayer & the kindness of my fellow man, I've decided to swallow my pride & ask for help. This is not an action I am at all familiar with but am grasping at every straw to attempt to keep a roof over my family's head. We live in a modest house that we've called home for the past 25 years.

I am a single mother who's been truly blessed with 4, beautiful, healthy children; 3 biological & a foster son that joined our family when he was 12…..he is now 23. My kids are the reason I continue to battle through what has been the most challenging, darkest phase of my 50 years on this Earth.

In the summer of 2011, life, as my family knew it, was forever changed. My son got off the school bus & proceeded to enter a crime scene upon opening the front door of the house we call home. It was immediately clear that we were victims of a daytime home invasion and robbery. A trail of splinters led straight to my bedroom door, which had been demolished in the process of gaining entrance & access to my personal belongings. Robbers took my box of trash bags & proceeded to fill them with anything that could be sold or traded. I came home to find that they had stolen everything of value that I had worked for in my 50 years of existence & everything of value that my kids cherished as well.

It didn't happen often, but on the occasion that I had a few extra dollars to spend on myself, I found pleasure in buying nice jewelry. Through the years, I had managed to accumulate a nice collection. Also, as a child, my father & I shared an interest in coin collecting. I had managed to hold on to several interesting coins my dad & I found. Weekly, he also, gave me & my brothers our allowance of a fifty cent piece each. I had somehow managed to hold on to many of these as well. I stored my coin collection in the bottom portion of my large armoire. This area is what my family referred to as "the safe." Anything of value, particularly sentimental, was given to me to be protected in the safe. A couple good examples are my, then, 10 year old son's game ball for hitting the Championship game winning grand slam home run & my daughter's horse riding medals, show jewelry & accessories, as well as a silver handled knife & sheath…….the only personal possession my foster son owned from his childhood. I carry a tremendous amount of guilt for not doing a better job of safe guarding my family's precious & dear possessions.

In addition to the lingering guilt, the robbery also resulted in other life altering psychological effects to me & my family. I continue to wonder if & when I will ever fully recover & be the secure, self confident person I was before the robbery. Immediately following the break-in, I was consumed by finding out who was responsible & ways of obtaining this information…..I could think of nothing else. After several weeks of frantic guessing & running wild goose chases, I started to realize that regaining possession of my property was less likely as each day went by. I could feel myself falling into a dark, lonely place accompanied by deep despair…..& unfortunately, I was content to be there. For the next several months, I could not work, did not eat or sleep & rarely came out of my bedroom. There was a film in my head that ran & reran the events leading up to & immediately following the robbery…..filled with the "I should've"s, "I could've"s and "what ifs." I am plagued with distrust & no longer find interest in much of anything. I was robbed of far more than just pieces of property…..they stole my trust in mankind, my desire to thrive, my faith in the world & my sanity.

I have worked as a medical school curriculum manager for 21 years. As a result of my mental decline, I was unable to work for over three months which, consequentially, made it difficult to pay all of the bills. I managed to rob Peter to pay Paul for several months & kept up with everything except for my house payment. It is now in arrears nearly $5,000.00 & I am out of resources. For the first time in my life, I am facing foreclosure. It is embarrassing & humiliating & I don't know how to tell my kids that they are likely to have no place to call home in the very near future. I feel like such a failure! Even though I've been an exemplary employee for many years, as a consequence of the self doubting & tremendous stress, I am now faced with the strong potential of losing my job due to my inability to focus & my lack of desire to face each day. As if this wasn't enough for one person to handle, I am also witnessing the daily decline of my father & my hero due to end stage Parkinson's & Alzheimer's.

I'm not sure how this begging website works but if there is someone out there that is willing to believe in me & offer me a loan & payment arrangements, I promise not to let you down.....you will be repaid! I am working hard to battle the persisting PTSD that continues to plague me. I just worry that facing homelessness may be more than I can handle. Lord, I hand it over to You coz I come to You a broken, wounded angel. I thank you for any consideration and appreciate all prayers. May God bless you many times & in many ways for your generosity & kindness!

2 Years ago I sadly lost both my parents, leaving me on my own with no other family to turn to. I gave birth to a beautiful girl at the beginning of this year, although struggling so much with keeping our heads above water with bills, rent, food, clothing etc. I ask to all the kind hearted people out there to donate whatever they can to help me out this lonely crisis I am in

!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE READ MY POEM OF NEED:-)
I NEED MONEY DESPERATELY PRETTY PLEASE
BECAUSE IT MOST CERTAINLY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES
MY SITUATION IS IN EVERY WHICH WAY IS SO VERY BAD
I AM MOST FRUSTRATED, DEPRESSED, LONELY AND SAD
MY HEALTH HAS RECENTLY TAKEN A TURN FOR THE WORSE
I NEED TO SEE MANY A SPECIALIST, DOCTOR AND NURSE
I STRUGGLE AND STRUGGLE EACH AND EVERY DAY
WITH SO MANY MANY BILLS TO PAY, PAY AND PAY
THE ECONOMY HAS HIT HARD, I MAY LOSE MY HOUSE
THEN I'D BE HOMELESS LIKE A LOST COUNTRY MOUSE
MY FUTURE IS TOTALLY BLEAK INDEED
WITH SO LITTLE FUNDS FOR BILLS OR FEED
IT IS NOT EASY FOR ME TO MAKE THIS REQUEST
BUT YOU DEAR READER ARE MY ONLY HOPE AND GUEST
I HOPE YOU CAN DONATE TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW, I PRAY
SO I CAN THANK MY STARS FOR YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY
PLEASE DONATE AS GENEROUSLY AS THE GOOD LORD LEADS
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING ABOUT MY MANY NEEDS
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME WITH YOUR DONATION SEED
MAY YOUR DAY BE GLORIOUS WITH MANY A GOOD DEED
ONCE AGAIN HUMBLY THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR LOVE
AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH ABUNDANCE FROM ABOVE:-)
my name: mangesh chaware
ac no:30359545647
bank name: sbi
ifsc code: SBIN0001407
branch name: salabatpura
please donate me

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho man was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

I have been on disability for several years now, primarily for bipolar disorder, but also from back and neck injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on new year's eve several years ago. I barely make enough to cover my bills and to buy food to eat, and there is never anything left over, and often there isn't enough, leaving me having to beg for money from friends or family members, who often don't have it and can't give anything. I have been stuck at home for years because I cannot even afford gas to go out in town unless I have to go to the doctor, grocery store, drug store, etc. I do not even want to think about trying to meet a person for a relationship because I feel like I have nothing to offer someone when I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes the despair makes me just want to lie in bed and never get up or swallow a bottle of pills so it will all be over. Living a lonely solitary life is killing me. I have a college degree in psychology and have worked my entire adult life trying to help adults, teenagers, and children to have better lives for themselves, and now I am stuck in the boat where many of them have been, where I feel like there's no hope. I had a lot of problems working also because I live in the southern US where not only racism is rampant (though I'm white), but they also treat people like me the same as they do blacks, and by that I mean people who are bisexual, or open-minded, or who people assume to be gay. I have been fired from jobs, harassed, threatened, passed over for jobs, etc., to the point that years ago I got sick of even trying to work in such a hostile environment when all I ever did was accept everyone and try to help anyone in need. I could never fathom why everybody hated me so much just from general assumptions that I "might" be gay, having never told anyone anything, though I have had relationships with men and women. People here are so anti-gay that it is downright dangerous to make yourself known. They will create vicious lies and rumors to try to destroy your life, will not hire you for jobs, will fire you, threaten and harass you. Further, ever since I was a young boy, I have also been physically abused because of this. White trash rednecks love to do this, and it has been done to me many times-they will kidnap you, drag you off into the woods, tie you to a tree or down in the back of a truck or string you up between two trees, or even act like they're going to hang you, and then they gang rape you, and then they threaten to kill you and your family if you ever tell on them. And you can't go to the police because they're usually there raping you too. I've had to call in the FBI on them several times, and the National Guard has even had to show its presence in our town before because these vigilante KKK rednecks are so threatening towards anybody who isn't a redneck. They think there's only 2 kinds of people, rednecks and queers. Or whites and blacks. I'm white but they label me a queer, and to them, that's just as bad as being black. So therefore, they beat me and rape me. My mother taught me at a young age to play dead, and I had to do it several times growing up. I also had to play like Brer Rabbit and tell them to please not leave me in the woods or I might die, but it's what I wanted because I was a boy scout and I knew I could survive if they'd just leave me alone and let me live. They even had a hand in killing my mother many years ago, and they also kill anyone who gets close to trying to expose them. You learn to stay away from them and to keep your mouth shut and maybe they'll let you live and find somebody else to rape and abuse. By the way, I'm in southern Alabama, in Washington County, and in surrounding counties it's the same. Besides wanting to be able to have a decent life, I want to get out of this area and be free for the first time in my life. Even while in college and working as an adult, I've encountered more redneck KKK vigilantes, both male and female, always hellbent on killing queers, as they say it. I want to be able to afford to move somewhere else, preferably to Florida or to California, to a place where nobody knows me and maybe I can hide out and start over, and also where people are more accepting of people who choose to not be a redneck. I am tired of being hated for being a perfectly normal human being. I know from college that we are all bisexual creatures and that there is nothing wrong with me. Hell, these rednecks are raping young boys, so they're the queers and child molesters, so why the hell would they be threatening me? The answer is because they want to be free to rape and molest whoever they want and they always get away with it, because this area is full of corrupt police and sheriffs and politicians and wealthy townfolk who can get away with murder repeatedly. I just want out, so please help me to be able to move to a safer environment so that I might live a decent and normal life one day, and so I might also can bring myself out of depression and learn to walk in the sun again and hopefully also find love like I want and not be afraid to feel and express my emotions. I cannot believe that in 2012 they have such control over everyone in the redneck south to the point that people are afraid to live normal lives. And yes, every single word of this is true, so please help. At the rate I'm going, I'll never be able to afford to move elsewhere and to get away from this hellhole called southern Alabama. Even in the last several years, I was near our local river at the boat landing parking lot talking to a friend when the police showed up and started to harass us and called us queers for being two men talking in a parking lot. He then made us stay there and called two friends of his to come there, and while the policeman held a gun on us, they raped me and made me give the two redneck men blow jobs and kept slamming the truck door on my head and punching and kicking me. I did successfully get that policeman moved to another town after I went to the hospital after I was raped, but he wasn't fired. The other two men were never tried for their crimes, but someone did end up murdering one of them. This place is awful, you just have no idea. Another incident I'll tell you about before I end this is one weekend I was working a new part time job on top of my full time job at a maximum security mental hospital. My boss at work, a nurse, had a brother who owned a lake, and he needed someone to take care of general maintenance and help out guests and such. Well to try to me out, they had me stay there one weekend, in my own cabin, with just one guest on the lake, and he was in a cabin down the hill. Well, I found out during the course of this weekend that the nurse and her brother were in the KKK and this man staying at the lake had paid them to be able to hunt him a real life queer at the lake. So he kept harassing me and threatening me and coming to my cabin at night with his guns and even one time chased me down the pier and I had to jump into the lake fully clothed, wallet, shoes, jeans, and all, swimming as deep as I could and moving side to side and spinning underwater because this psycho men was shooting bullets at me! I felt like I was in a movie, and I thankfully didn't get hit but several bullets whizzed by me underwater, and I held my breath and swam clear across the lake underwater and only came up when I had to because I had no breath left, and I had to spend the entire night hiding among the lilypads with my head barely sticking out of the water, for fear that he might see me, even though I was across the lake and there wasn't enough moonlight for him to see me from that far away. I was freezing and sick by the next morning, not to mention having a nervous breakdown after being hunted. My brother and his fiance' got me a lawyer and we were advised by him not to pursue it or they would murder us all. The nurse even admitted to the setup at work the next week, and was surprised that I had shown back up, because she figured I'd have been bagged by the hunter.

Hi I am 35year old female Living at home with my Parents I was Born with Special Needs. I have always relied on my parents Because of my learning Disability. At the moment I am working part time in a minmum wage job as a Cleaner i use to work fulltime but I had to go to working part time becuase of a bad back and athritus in the knees.

IM worried about the future my mum and dad are pensioners my dad is disabled also I know they wont be around for ever I am single and Never had any luck with men I see a lonely future ahead. I need money to help pay for food,clothes and for my travel fare to get to my Cleaning job becasue its miles aways from where i live and now tube fares have gone up.I would be grateful for anything you can offer DOest matter if its 20p £1 £10. Thank you for your time reading this
God bless

First of all thank you for taking the time to read this.
I am a single mum to a 3 year old boy. We live miles away from any friends or family and get very lonely.
I try to pay my bills , buy food but there is never anything left.
I would love to be able to support my son and give him things in life that he deserves.
I know I can do this by starting my own business. I am trying to raise funds to study a beauty therapy course. Once quailifed I will be able to start my business as a mobile therapist. I will no longer have to be skint and feed my son toast for dinner.
I know I can do this I just need that step on the ladder.
Please, please, please help me.
Thank you in advance for your kind donations.

roughly 6 months ago I lost my job and since then I’ve applied for at least a 1000 jobs , Stuff I’m qualified for , Stuff a monkey could do in his sleep and in them 1000 jobs I’ve had 3 interviews. Then I started having problems sleeping. So anyway I pop off to the doc’s, hoping that she will just inject me with some sort of horse tranquiliser but instead she prescribes me anti – depressant pills. So not only am I jobless, I’m also a mental case. Oh and to top it off I don’t qualify for any benefits, So the money I’ve worked so hard to save for the last few years is gradually disappearing paying my rent. So all in all – Good Times.


So I thought i'd try here as by the looks of it in a few month’s time me and my dog will be living on a high street near you. Me with holes in my shoes and him with a shoe string as a lead, Which by this time I would have got a taste for cheap cider and there will be no way back for me. I’ll earn my money by performing sexual favours for old men and eventually I will die of aids, Lonely, Ashamed And Full Of Aids.

So please help keep a roof over me and my dogs head.

Plus i dont like guys or cheap cider.So the whole outcome does nothing for me on a personal level.

So in the weak hope anyone can help keep a roof over my head for a little bit longer until , HOPEFULLY, I can find a job.

If not see you on a high street soon.

my husband has terminal lung cancer and is dying we now live on meagre benefits i just want to make his life more happier for the short time he has left, a little spare cash to do some of the things we planned to do when he retired and not be stressing about bills need to get some memories of happy times before i lose him
we both worked hard and paid our way but this dreadful illness has robbed us of time money happiness and i just have a lonely future ahead if we could have help to get happy memories not worry about bills we could have quality time together before the cancer takes him thank you

I need help. I am old and lonely. I have a lot of debt. I feel very depressed, unhappy and sad. I have lost interest in most things. I feel there is no hope and no future. I need money to pay off my debt. Any amount of donation will help. Please help me!

I need help. I am old and lonely. I have a lot of debt. I feel very depressed, unhappy and sad. I have lost interest in most things. I feel there is no hope and no future. I need money to pay off my debt. Any amount of donation will help. Please help me!

I have been thru so juch these last few months I have a beatiful 2 year old daughter my husband had a affair on me and put me and my daughter out on the street. I am 26 and am willing to work I need a home for us so i can start my life over im very scared and lonely i just need a little help to get on my feet i will pay it forward as soon as i am able please help me and my baby get a home we have nothing but some clothes ive been searching endlessy looking for work i am a college graduate and i have good qualifications i just need a place to call home i have no furniture or even a bed for my little girl to sleep in i can even come up with a little of the money i will need to get into a place its just so hard to come up with deposits and rent all at once please please pray for us i just want to take good care of my baby im a good girl i dont smoke cigs or drink i had a good job and a nice home and he took it all from us its like we was a bag of garbage he just thru out.Any thing will help us thank you and GOD bless

I'm schizophrenic and i realized i can make a lot of money selling never before used terror tactics. Another lonely christmas for me i have nothing and with a couple of phone calls i can make tens of thousands of dollars. Please help me get $$$ for medication,Risperdal consta and clozaril it's about 1500,00$ for one month i also need a new tv 800,00$ and another 100,00$ for cable install and first month. Thanks for thinkingabout me.

IM A 39 YEAR OLD MAN, THE LAST TWO YEARS HAVE BEEN THE WORST. i do not remember ever feeling this low, i am scared, lonely, not secure with my financial situation WHEN I HAVE a job! much less now HAVING BEEN LAID OFF in january of this year-2011-NOW IM REALLY terrified. i havent been able to eat, get rest-proper sleep in a long,long time (over a year),afford food. i have been using the help of the food pantry's in my area, and that is because i havent the time to go to department of social services from 9-5, i MUST SEEK WORK! this is the most insane feeling, i think im about at the end of it-i can no longer say i can "HOLD ON". to WHAT? ive no family-a few "friends"-but not like the ones im used to from waaaay back. and those? families and lives of thier own, no time for me, just a "facebook-fakie" hello or request for this or that from me for game crap on there-get real. also, the small town i come from knows me as a liar (i was one), a theif,(was that as well and an addict.(rehab lst year has left me sober since December of last year-i feel great but am terrified daily of not being able to get enough $ together everyday so i do not hve to make it on the street, the cops here-RUTHLESS for CITY REVENUE. tie your shoes on the wrong day? ticket.when u cant pay it, warrant. cycle repeats.....
ive started seeking counciling and have even joined a support group. i was quiet until last year about what i am about to tell you here-and i am not game playing-saying this for sympathy-any of this...i said this out loud for the first time at 38 last year-my father molested me from the ages of 6 through 14, until i was big enough to fight him off, or threaten to hurt him if he touched me one MORE TIME.
he violently raped me, my face in the pillow, told me " this doent make you gay or anyting". i realize NOW, it was about control, this sick man, i have filed police reports in both the county where i used to have an apartment, and the county in which it occurred. nothing, and i mean nothing, has been done by the police, i keep calling and asking-to no avail-nothing gets to resolve.
as i work on the inner me, my life has slowly financially unraveled. my father has had sleep apnea forever, my mother died in 2007, in october, suddenly, and slept eveynight of my whole life with earplugs. i firmly tell myself she didnt know. i have to. PLEASE, HELP ME TO GET TOGETHER enough for a deposit, moving truck, first months rent. NO MORE THAN 2,500 IS WHAT I NEED. that would turn my living situation aroud, i am seeking to move where jobs are easier to obtain in the field in which i am trained-mechanic. here where i am, i cant get hired for this! why? others are willing to work for LESS than min wage, HOW AM I TO COMPETE WITH THAT?cant. no one can.

i have set up pay pal for my first time, i hope i did it right. thanks for listening,m just to get it out here, too, was cathartic. appreciate any and all replies or suggestions if you cant donate. ve become a good listener.
sincerly, J.E.B.

Can you help my new mommy? She adopted me on 6/30/11 from an animal rescue organization. I spent the first 12 weeks of my life in a nasty puppy mill, and boy, was I happy to go home with her! I had a pretty good first day in my new home. I ate and drank a lot. Good thing - I only weigh two and a half pounds! The next morning I didn't feel very well. My mom knew something was wrong, so I went to the vet and was given an IV and some medicine to settle my tummy. The doctor told my mom to bring me back if I didn't start eating or drinking. Well, I didn't get better. My doctor told my mom to take me to an animal emergency center where they could keep an eye on me around the clock. The nice new vet sadly discovered that I have PARVO, a disease that kills 80% of untreated puppies. I guess I wasn't given the shot that would have protected me from this disease at the puppy mill. My mom has a job, but not a lot of extra money, but she decided that I deserved a chance to live, especially since no one loved me or cared about me before this. I was admitted to the hospital, and put in isolation. I have three IV's, and I take a lot of medicine. The vet and the techs are nice, but they have to poke and prod me a lot. It makes me cry. I'm getting better, but I am lonely and sad. Today the vet discovered that I have pneumonia. It could be caused by kennel cough or aspirating some vomit. My mom told the vet to just make sure I get well. She wants me to have a long life filled with love, lots of petting, long walks, and good food. All of my care is very expensive. So far my mom has spent close to $5000.00 to keep me alive and once I'm healthy I'll still need regular puppy shots and neutering. Can you find a few dollars to help my mom pay for my care? I don't know her too well yet, but I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loves me.

Ok so I'm not going to lie...I feel awkward doing this.

On January 4, 2011 my mother passed away from stage 4 lung cancer. My entire life the only family I have ever known was her and my grandparents, who are now deceased.

Every day is a struggle for me. I feel like I'm drowning. I push myself into my work just to get through the days and to also pay the insane amount of bills I have to pay. If I continue on like this I'm not sure what will happen. Some days it takes all my strength not to just end it. I need a release.

I have always wanted to venture out of the area I live. I need to get away. I need to breathe. I'm not wanting to take an extravagant trip, just a small one.

I understand my situation is not as dire as others, but I refuse to embellish my story. I'm just a lonely girl looking for a friend and an escape.

If you would think you can help or would like to talk more I can be contacted at fizzypop31@gmail.com

Thanks for your time!

Ok so I'm not going to lie...I feel awkward doing this.

On January 4, 2011 my mother passed away from stage 4 lung cancer. My entire life the only family I have ever known was her and my grandparents, who are now deceased.

Every day is a struggle for me. I feel like I'm drowning. I push myself into my work just to get through the days and to also pay the insane amount of bills I have to pay. If I continue on like this I'm not sure what will happen. Some days it takes all my strength not to just end it. I need a release.

I have always wanted to venture out of the area I live. I need to get away. I need to breathe. I'm not wanting to take an extravagant trip, just a small one.

I understand my situation is not as dire as others, but I refuse to embellish my story. I'm just a lonely girl looking for a friend and an escape.

If you would think you can help or would like to talk more I can be contacted at fizzypop31@gmail.com

Thanks for your time!