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Since today is Mother’s Day, I wanted to share my journey thus far and what it’s meant to be a mother for me. My story is unique in that I’ve overcome various obstacles to gain what some may call normalcy. Now I’m facing a struggle in which I’m hoping to tap into the kindness of the internet in order to help me through this hurdle.

I was raised by a single parent and grew up in a town where most families were on some sort of government assistance and could barely make ends meet. I was always taught to value what I had and that hard work will always bear its fruits. My high school was filled with kids who didn’t care about getting an education. I was a introverted “nerd” who took Honors and AP classes and saw education as a way to get out of a town that didn’t have much opportunity for growth. While I valued my education, I was also bored to death, even in my “accelerated classes,” so I stupidly acted out and started to party as high school kids do. I ditched class to drink and dabbled a bit in drugs because there was nothing else to do. Even as I partied, I still managed to remain on the honor roll for all 4 years. Fast forward to the beginning of my senior year, our class had 250 kids and throughout the year approximately half of the student body dropped out at one point or another, giving up on their 14 year investment in their education. I made it to the end, but while everyone was excitedly responding to college acceptance letters, I had to throw all of mine out. Why? I was pregnant. I fully accept responsibility for my actions, but sex was not talked about in my household. I had no idea I had access to birth control or condoms and foolishly made a mistake that would change my life. I went to my prom and graduation 3 months pregnant without anyone knowing aside from my family.

The summer after graduation was spent brainstorming options and finding a job to help support my unborn child. I decided to keep the baby, thinking I would give it up for adoption. I was too immature to take care of myself, and now a baby? No way. As the months progressed, I fell in love with the baby and decided to keep her and raise her with the help of my family. I was excited but deep inside I was depressed. I really wanted to go off to college and live the life of a student living on campus, making new friends, staying up late to cram for midterms and possibly travel a bit. I couldn’t do that anymore and the thought of experiencing college in any other way didn’t entice me. I also knew if I didn’t get an education, I’d be stuck in a cycle of dead end jobs all my life. I knew I didn’t want to struggle like I’ve seen my family fight just to put a decent meal on the table and keep the lights from getting shut down.

I started college two months after my daughter was born. She was perfection and an incredible motivator. I’ve always thought that she deserves something better, beyond what I can give her but I decided to try my best to give her an amazing life. Since I just had a baby, I wanted to explore the opportunities I had outside of a traditional classroom in college. Luckily, the local community college offered online courses which only required me to be in class on the first day, at midterms and during finals week. I did this for a year and a half until I took every online course possible. Then it was time for full immersion into college. Here came daycare and having to balance college life with working and a small child.

My average day in college looked like this: we’d have to wake up at the crack of dawn so my daughter and I could ride a 45-minute bus to school. Unlike most of my classmates, I had to dash straight from work to class or go to work right after class so that I could pick up my daughter from school at a proper hour. I was very fortunate to land a job in a small office as an office assistant during college that would later prove invaluable. The pay was ok, but I was allowed to tailor my schedule to be compatible with my changing class load every semester. After our day was done came another bus ride. Once we got home, I’d have to make dinner, pack us lunch for the next day, prepare her backpack with extra clothes plus wash and prepare a day’s worth of bottles for my daughter. After I put my daughter to bed was the only time I had for homework. I’d stay up until about 2am every night doing my reading assignments or writing papers only to have to get up 3 ½ hours later to start my day again.

I did this every day for 5 ½ years.

Was it worth it? Heck yeah. I got my bachelor’s degree on my wall as proof. I am the first person in my family to ever get a degree. I have multiple relatives my age who ended up dropping out for various reasons yet I managed to graduate (with honors!) while juggling a small child and a demanding job. Aside from raising my daughter, this is what I’m most proud of thus far. I read online that less than 2% of teen moms attain a college degree before age 30. I’m stoked beyond words to be a part of that 2% (Source) I hope that this struggle and success will set an example to my daughter and show her that hard work does pay off.

After college, I worked a few jobs that I wasn’t too keen on. Too corporate, too stuffy, too bureaucratic to evoke any change and make an impact. I wanted to wake up every morning and feel inspired to go to work. I didn’t just want a paycheck, I wanted to engulf myself within organization so that I could kick ass and take names. I also wanted a 401(k), health benefits and life insurance so that my bases could be covered in old age. But mainly I wanted to wake up invigorated every morning and be able to pay my bills. After college, my daughter and I moved into our first home. I loved waking her up in her room filled with the girliest of things. I was a proud mama–on my own, college educated and living life as an independent woman.

Independent but unfulfilled. That is, until I was introduced to the CEO of my most recent employer. We hit it off immediately and within two week was offered the chance of a lifetime. I was invited to join his multimillion dollar company and close-knit team as his right hand. I’d learn all the in’s and out’s of running a business in a dynamic industry and receive a nice salary. After a bit of contemplation, I decided to resign from my stuffy job to join a company I was proud to be apart of. My job was great. It was flexible, nurturing, educational and insightful. In a few short weeks, I was in the trenches with my boss handling everything from sales to contracts to finance to HR. That is, until the company suddenly went out of business. I won’t get into the details but I was told I’d have a month before we were all let go. This was the job I wanted to settle in and dedicate years to, not just a job really but a mission to which I was dedicated.

I was laid off in March with no severance pay as the company had nothing. I had a small savings which I tapped into as I began searching for a job. I had to file for unemployment for the first time, which was hard as I’ve prided myself on not having to use government resources to pay my bills. I have almost a decade of solid work history and yet I’m struggling to find a job. Places are hiring but they’re scarce and don’t always offer pay that can support a family.

My bills are piling up and I have family and friends that are in no position to help me out. Unemployment can only pay so much and it isn’t enough to put a home-cooked meal on the table or keep everything paid. I’m in the process of starting up two businesses–one that peddles vintage finds and another that provides folks with stellar resumes to land their dream job so that I can increase my cash flow, but in the meantime, I’m asking for any donations to my cause. I’m willing to offer any services in return for a donation over $30 via paypal. There’s a button below where your transaction will be processed safely and gratefully!

Please pass this on and +1 it, favorite it, retweet it and share in any way possible! No action is too small or unappreciated.

Thank you so much for letting me share my story with you.

Since today is Mother’s Day, I wanted to share my journey thus far and what it’s meant to be a mother for me. My story is unique in that I’ve overcome various obstacles to gain what some may call normalcy. Now I’m facing a struggle in which I’m hoping to tap into the kindness of the internet in order to help me through this hurdle.

I was raised by a single parent and grew up in a town where most families were on some sort of government assistance and could barely make ends meet. I was always taught to value what I had and that hard work will always bear its fruits. My high school was filled with kids who didn’t care about getting an education. I was a introverted “nerd” who took Honors and AP classes and saw education as a way to get out of a town that didn’t have much opportunity for growth. While I valued my education, I was also bored to death, even in my “accelerated classes,” so I stupidly acted out and started to party as high school kids do. I ditched class to drink and dabbled a bit in drugs because there was nothing else to do. Even as I partied, I still managed to remain on the honor roll for all 4 years. Fast forward to the beginning of my senior year, our class had 250 kids and throughout the year approximately half of the student body dropped out at one point or another, giving up on their 14 year investment in their education. I made it to the end, but while everyone was excitedly responding to college acceptance letters, I had to throw all of mine out. Why? I was pregnant. I fully accept responsibility for my actions, but sex was not talked about in my household. I had no idea I had access to birth control or condoms and foolishly made a mistake that would change my life. I went to my prom and graduation 3 months pregnant without anyone knowing aside from my family.

The summer after graduation was spent brainstorming options and finding a job to help support my unborn child. I decided to keep the baby, thinking I would give it up for adoption. I was too immature to take care of myself, and now a baby? No way. As the months progressed, I fell in love with the baby and decided to keep her and raise her with the help of my family. I was excited but deep inside I was depressed. I really wanted to go off to college and live the life of a student living on campus, making new friends, staying up late to cram for midterms and possibly travel a bit. I couldn’t do that anymore and the thought of experiencing college in any other way didn’t entice me. I also knew if I didn’t get an education, I’d be stuck in a cycle of dead end jobs all my life. I knew I didn’t want to struggle like I’ve seen my family fight just to put a decent meal on the table and keep the lights from getting shut down.

I started college two months after my daughter was born. She was perfection and an incredible motivator. I’ve always thought that she deserves something better, beyond what I can give her but I decided to try my best to give her an amazing life. Since I just had a baby, I wanted to explore the opportunities I had outside of a traditional classroom in college. Luckily, the local community college offered online courses which only required me to be in class on the first day, at midterms and during finals week. I did this for a year and a half until I took every online course possible. Then it was time for full immersion into college. Here came daycare and having to balance college life with working and a small child.

My average day in college looked like this: we’d have to wake up at the crack of dawn so my daughter and I could ride a 45-minute bus to school. Unlike most of my classmates, I had to dash straight from work to class or go to work right after class so that I could pick up my daughter from school at a proper hour. I was very fortunate to land a job in a small office as an office assistant during college that would later prove invaluable. The pay was ok, but I was allowed to tailor my schedule to be compatible with my changing class load every semester. After our day was done came another bus ride. Once we got home, I’d have to make dinner, pack us lunch for the next day, prepare her backpack with extra clothes plus wash and prepare a day’s worth of bottles for my daughter. After I put my daughter to bed was the only time I had for homework. I’d stay up until about 2am every night doing my reading assignments or writing papers only to have to get up 3 ½ hours later to start my day again.

I did this every day for 5 ½ years.

Was it worth it? Heck yeah. I got my bachelor’s degree on my wall as proof. I am the first person in my family to ever get a degree. I have multiple relatives my age who ended up dropping out for various reasons yet I managed to graduate (with honors!) while juggling a small child and a demanding job. Aside from raising my daughter, this is what I’m most proud of thus far. I read online that less than 2% of teen moms attain a college degree before age 30. I’m stoked beyond words to be a part of that 2% (Source) I hope that this struggle and success will set an example to my daughter and show her that hard work does pay off.

After college, I worked a few jobs that I wasn’t too keen on. Too corporate, too stuffy, too bureaucratic to evoke any change and make an impact. I wanted to wake up every morning and feel inspired to go to work. I didn’t just want a paycheck, I wanted to engulf myself within organization so that I could kick ass and take names. I also wanted a 401(k), health benefits and life insurance so that my bases could be covered in old age. But mainly I wanted to wake up invigorated every morning and be able to pay my bills. After college, my daughter and I moved into our first home. I loved waking her up in her room filled with the girliest of things. I was a proud mama–on my own, college educated and living life as an independent woman.

Independent but unfulfilled. That is, until I was introduced to the CEO of my most recent employer. We hit it off immediately and within two week was offered the chance of a lifetime. I was invited to join his multimillion dollar company and close-knit team as his right hand. I’d learn all the in’s and out’s of running a business in a dynamic industry and receive a nice salary. After a bit of contemplation, I decided to resign from my stuffy job to join a company I was proud to be apart of. My job was great. It was flexible, nurturing, educational and insightful. In a few short weeks, I was in the trenches with my boss handling everything from sales to contracts to finance to HR. That is, until the company suddenly went out of business. I won’t get into the details but I was told I’d have a month before we were all let go. This was the job I wanted to settle in and dedicate years to, not just a job really but a mission to which I was dedicated.

I was laid off in March with no severance pay as the company had nothing. I had a small savings which I tapped into as I began searching for a job. I had to file for unemployment for the first time, which was hard as I’ve prided myself on not having to use government resources to pay my bills. I have almost a decade of solid work history and yet I’m struggling to find a job. Places are hiring but they’re scarce and don’t always offer pay that can support a family.

My bills are piling up and I have family and friends that are in no position to help me out. Unemployment can only pay so much and it isn’t enough to put a home-cooked meal on the table or keep everything paid. I’m in the process of starting up two businesses–one that peddles vintage finds and another that provides folks with stellar resumes to land their dream job so that I can increase my cash flow, but in the meantime, I’m asking for any donations to my cause. I’m willing to offer any services in return for a donation over $30 via paypal. There’s a button below where your transaction will be processed safely and gratefully!

Please pass this on and +1 it, favorite it, retweet it and share in any way possible! No action is too small or unappreciated.

Thank you so much for letting me share my story with you.

http://educatedsinglemom.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/i-am-the-2-or-my-life-as-a-teen-mom-2/

Since today is Mother’s Day, I wanted to share my journey thus far and what it’s meant to be a mother for me. My story is unique in that I’ve overcome various obstacles to gain what some may call normalcy. Now I’m facing a struggle in which I’m hoping to tap into the kindness of the internet in order to help me through this hurdle.

I was raised by a single parent and grew up in a town where most families were on some sort of government assistance and could barely make ends meet. I was always taught to value what I had and that hard work will always bear its fruits. My high school was filled with kids who didn’t care about getting an education. I was a introverted “nerd” who took Honors and AP classes and saw education as a way to get out of a town that didn’t have much opportunity for growth. While I valued my education, I was also bored to death, even in my “accelerated classes,” so I stupidly acted out and started to party as high school kids do. I ditched class to drink and dabbled a bit in drugs because there was nothing else to do. Even as I partied, I still managed to remain on the honor roll for all 4 years. Fast forward to the beginning of my senior year, our class had 250 kids and throughout the year approximately half of the student body dropped out at one point or another, giving up on their 14 year investment in their education. I made it to the end, but while everyone was excitedly responding to college acceptance letters, I had to throw all of mine out. Why? I was pregnant. I fully accept responsibility for my actions, but sex was not talked about in my household. I had no idea I had access to birth control or condoms and foolishly made a mistake that would change my life. I went to my prom and graduation 3 months pregnant without anyone knowing aside from my family.

The summer after graduation was spent brainstorming options and finding a job to help support my unborn child. I decided to keep the baby, thinking I would give it up for adoption. I was too immature to take care of myself, and now a baby? No way. As the months progressed, I fell in love with the baby and decided to keep her and raise her with the help of my family. I was excited but deep inside I was depressed. I really wanted to go off to college and live the life of a student living on campus, making new friends, staying up late to cram for midterms and possibly travel a bit. I couldn’t do that anymore and the thought of experiencing college in any other way didn’t entice me. I also knew if I didn’t get an education, I’d be stuck in a cycle of dead end jobs all my life. I knew I didn’t want to struggle like I’ve seen my family fight just to put a decent meal on the table and keep the lights from getting shut down.

I started college two months after my daughter was born. She was perfection and an incredible motivator. I’ve always thought that she deserves something better, beyond what I can give her but I decided to try my best to give her an amazing life. Since I just had a baby, I wanted to explore the opportunities I had outside of a traditional classroom in college. Luckily, the local community college offered online courses which only required me to be in class on the first day, at midterms and during finals week. I did this for a year and a half until I took every online course possible. Then it was time for full immersion into college. Here came daycare and having to balance college life with working and a small child.

My average day in college looked like this: we’d have to wake up at the crack of dawn so my daughter and I could ride a 45-minute bus to school. Unlike most of my classmates, I had to dash straight from work to class or go to work right after class so that I could pick up my daughter from school at a proper hour. I was very fortunate to land a job in a small office as an office assistant during college that would later prove invaluable. The pay was ok, but I was allowed to tailor my schedule to be compatible with my changing class load every semester. After our day was done came another bus ride. Once we got home, I’d have to make dinner, pack us lunch for the next day, prepare her backpack with extra clothes plus wash and prepare a day’s worth of bottles for my daughter. After I put my daughter to bed was the only time I had for homework. I’d stay up until about 2am every night doing my reading assignments or writing papers only to have to get up 3 ½ hours later to start my day again.

I did this every day for 5 ½ years.

Was it worth it? Heck yeah. I got my bachelor’s degree on my wall as proof. I am the first person in my family to ever get a degree. I have multiple relatives my age who ended up dropping out for various reasons yet I managed to graduate (with honors!) while juggling a small child and a demanding job. Aside from raising my daughter, this is what I’m most proud of thus far. I read online that less than 2% of teen moms attain a college degree before age 30. I’m stoked beyond words to be a part of that 2% (Source) I hope that this struggle and success will set an example to my daughter and show her that hard work does pay off.

After college, I worked a few jobs that I wasn’t too keen on. Too corporate, too stuffy, too bureaucratic to evoke any change and make an impact. I wanted to wake up every morning and feel inspired to go to work. I didn’t just want a paycheck, I wanted to engulf myself within organization so that I could kick ass and take names. I also wanted a 401(k), health benefits and life insurance so that my bases could be covered in old age. But mainly I wanted to wake up invigorated every morning and be able to pay my bills. After college, my daughter and I moved into our first home. I loved waking her up in her room filled with the girliest of things. I was a proud mama–on my own, college educated and living life as an independent woman.

Independent but unfulfilled. That is, until I was introduced to the CEO of my most recent employer. We hit it off immediately and within two week was offered the chance of a lifetime. I was invited to join his multimillion dollar company and close-knit team as his right hand. I’d learn all the in’s and out’s of running a business in a dynamic industry and receive a nice salary. After a bit of contemplation, I decided to resign from my stuffy job to join a company I was proud to be apart of. My job was great. It was flexible, nurturing, educational and insightful. In a few short weeks, I was in the trenches with my boss handling everything from sales to contracts to finance to HR. That is, until the company suddenly went out of business. I won’t get into the details but I was told I’d have a month before we were all let go. This was the job I wanted to settle in and dedicate years to, not just a job really but a mission to which I was dedicated.

I was laid off in March with no severance pay as the company had nothing. I had a small savings which I tapped into as I began searching for a job. I had to file for unemployment for the first time, which was hard as I’ve prided myself on not having to use government resources to pay my bills. I have almost a decade of solid work history and yet I’m struggling to find a job. Places are hiring but they’re scarce and don’t always offer pay that can support a family.

My bills are piling up and I have family and friends that are in no position to help me out. Unemployment can only pay so much and it isn’t enough to put a home-cooked meal on the table or keep everything paid. I’m in the process of starting up two businesses–one that peddles vintage finds and another that provides folks with stellar resumes to land their dream job so that I can increase my cash flow, but in the meantime, I’m asking for any donations to my cause. I’m willing to offer any services in return for a donation over $30 via paypal. There’s a button below where your transaction will be processed safely and gratefully!

Please pass this on and +1 it, favorite it, retweet it and share in any way possible! No action is too small or unappreciated.

Thank you so much for letting me share my story with you.

I am a 36 year old single mother of two awesome teenagers and I'm trying to fulfill a life long dream by going back to school.

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be an archaeologist and history professor as well as wanting to move to Norway since first reading the Prose Edda at the age of 11. Unfortunately those dreams got put on hold when I had my first child at the age of 19 and my second at 21. My children are now 15 and 17 and about to go off to university and begin their own lives and so it is time for me to revisit my dreams. This is going to consist of 3 steps each of wish I need help funding as I do not qualify for student loans/grants and cannot afford to quit my job to be elligible.

As the first step in this process I have been accepted to the University of Leicester to begin work on my BA in Ancient History and Classical Archaeology and am scheduled to begin classes on June 4th 2012 via distance education. In total the 3 year course will cost £10,350 with £1150 installments due every January, May and September 1st. Along with this one module requires me to go to England in year 2 for field school at Borrough Hill as well as a second trip over in year 3 for lab work. There is also an option to make a third trip for the graduation ceremony if funding allows. Each of these trips will cost roughly $2500 - $3000.

The second step in this plan is to complete a Master's degree in Nordic Viking and Medievil Studies at the University of Oslo in Norway. At this time UiO does not have tuition fees however they do require that international students have NOK 80,000 (roughly $13,500) per year of study. And Norwegian law prevents international students outside the EU from working while persuing their studies.

Finally the third step in the process much like the second involves doing further studies at UiO in the form of persuing a PhD in a topic related to Viking Metallurgy.

I have already taken steps to start covering costs on my own by working as much overtime as I can get (though this option is going to be limited once school starts as I will need to focus on school work) as well as moving from the house I was renting to a smaller, cheaper apartment with a roomate to cut costs. Unfortunately these measures alone aren't going to be enough to get me there. Any help you could give would be very much appreciated.

Selah Beloved Citizens Of This Divinely Intelligent Universe!!

If like 1,000s of 1,000,000s of people in USA Territories YOU TOO are living in fear about your finances and what appears to be happening with the money system, I respectfully request that you take this Beggar Request very seriously and act, (not just read), if your heart resonates with my words and my promise.

WHY? Because I am not some crazy Beggar hoping people will send me some of their money. Formerly known as The Prophetess Of Destiny and countless other titles you can pull up on Google, I am a Servant Of The Light bearing gifts in exchange for PROOF that you will open up to RECEIVING BACK FROM THE UNIVERSE in exchange for gifting me with $11-Bucks or more. My labor is to enrich, uplift and enliven Humanity worldwide and Google yields plenty of evidence.

TITLES TO SEARCH:

Doc Vaj
Mystic Vajrayana
The HeartSeer
The Frequency Modulator
The Desire To Reality Confidante
The World's Only CartomancSeer
The ELF (Enlightened Life Facilitator)

Whatever you have asked, hoped, prayed, searched for that has not shown up yet is now within reach!!

CLARION CALL: Whomever you may be, no matter your current conditions or station in life, know that we are now in a time deemed by The Angelic Forces to be the most pivotal year (2k12) in Human history; yes, in Human history!! And because the fact that we are all connected is provable within our experiences, I ask you to allow your heart intelligence to help you discern why my request for your financial support is a win-win-win agenda designed to prove that choosing to gift other people (can) yield perpetually increasing $financial$ returns on investments (ROI) when you are aligned with a lead by example expert at Human Potential Optimization who is 100% committed to consistently exercising her responsibilities without delays and/or excuses.

You see, there is more to you than flesh and blood and more to life than here, and each of us is a unique expression of Divine Intelligence, no matter how we name it, for Human Beings actually are the eyes, ears, hands, feet, heart and voice of Spirit/God, operating in the Earth!! Even though billions of spiritually asleep people do not believe it or (consciously) know this as their personal truth, we all have personal Spiritual Inheritances, and when we purposefully explore, reach for and accept the possibility that this statement is correct, we position ourselves to prove it and thereby, remembering how to optimally exercise our Human birthrights can happen for us this lifetime. Unfortunately, without receiving our inheritances, life on Earth tends to remain a haphazard walk on the wild side.

You are a SOUL-GEM; a luminous magnetic Spiritual Being on a Soul Journey through the Human experience here on Planet Earth and GRATITUDE IS an interactive magnetic force field that gets added unto your personal energy stream. Gratitude is a self chosen (adopted) heartfelt attitude of thanksgiving for WHATEVER WE DO HAVE IN LIFE (at the moment), and it is therefore a higher mind set. And when you connect with your world while living in the energy of gratitude, every single time you give from your heart, you open a spiritual portal through which The Universe itself delivers good unto you, whether you are paying attention to it or not!!

THIS IS WHY: The spiritual Cycle Of Abundance looks like this. (A) Your GRATITUDE for whatsoever you do have underlies feelings of generosity, for when you look at this world system you easily see there are billions of others with far less than you. (B) Your GENEROSITY allows you to be see/feel the pain of other people and/or their need and you become inspired to give. (C) Your GIVING uplifts others, especially strangers who cannot return the favor and this selfless act of giving makes you feel good, raises your vibration and thereby aligns you with higher energies. (D) Your ALIGNING with higher energies attracts similar experiences into your life which also makes you feel good/better. (E) Your RECEIVING, (even if receiving is only a smile, a friendly hello, an offer to help you in some seemingly unimportant way), makes you feel connected to others which makes you feel grateful for the gesture. (F) Your GRATITUDE is then at the top of your mind and when it is, a brand new cycle begins for you again. The magical working of our connectedness in the Universe is what makes life worth living.

The Cycle Of Abundance is: Gratitude, Generosity, Giving, Aligning, Attracting, Receiving and Gratitude. As a 25(+) year seasoned Agent Of Light in service to Spiritually Awakening Humanity, I ask that you link your Light with mine and make a donation to my cause, for making higher truth known and available to the masses worldwide is my task at hand. I am an Elder known as The HeartSeer people are chatting with worldwide. I have a global radio broadcast and walk my talk making knowledge of who and what we are as Divine Beings, known to all in search of answers and ways through the challenges of life.

Today is Mothers Day, May 13, 2k12, and if you do not™ choose to gift me below, feel free to check out my Light Portal (website) so you can gain all the details your mind may require to stop shouting NO in your head. My site was created in a FireFox Browser and it is picture perfect in that browser only. So please, please, only use FireFox Browser because all other browsers yield ugliness. Use FULL SCREEN MODE because you can know the whole site is loaded when you see HEARTS around the (3) columns.

When you get there you will find (3) columns; the two outside columns are the same no matter what you click on and the middle column is where whatever you click on (pages and posts) will appear. See Vital Page in top left column (or) Blog Archives in top right column. Check out (Gifting To The HeartSeer) in either column; they are identical and provide all details: A video, two radio show archives, all details and a way to gift me. Then you can explore the rest of site, or do that first if you prefer.

My primary internet domains:

Http://DocVajsLight.BlogSpot.Com/

(HeartSeer Cosmic Intelligence University)
Http://HCIU-Global-Radio.Biz

Thank you for taking time to read this and please share because blessings and breakthroughs are guaranteed to all who dare to believe that everyone is not a criminal or a hustler out to get them. Now it can be your turn to begin wiping away whatsoever keeps you up at night biting your nails off and/or tearing your hair out, so if you have but a mustard seed worth of faith that there is A GOD, take several deep breaths and visit my light portal. Don't delay!!

Doc Vaj

please can someone help,i have to get away from my bully controlling partner.i am now so miserable and depressed,i really dont want to go on.i need to get as far away as possible before 1 more punch kills me.i need to change my name by deed poll an be able to afford to rent somewhere in another part of the country
i just need that one oppertunity of a bit of help.he gives me just enough money for the bills an shopping an i have to produce reciepts,if i dont then i'm in for it big time.i have a secret paypal account that he dont know about,he thinks an tells me im dumb so i delete my history so he thinks i know nothing about computers.i am on my knee's begging help me make a new life

My situation is more complicated than I can explain, however I ended up as a single parent despite having been married and never expecting this circumstance. In brief, my husband experienced the onset of severe, debilitating mental illness and made several suicide attempts before we split up and my daughter and I have been alone since the last twenty years. I worked hard and partially succeeded in raising my daughter alone but during the last twenty years I became ill. My husband's family want little to do with us and do not provide us with any support. My daughter is trying to get through post secondary education and I am hoping that the economy will be improving but meanwhile I cannot pay the bills because my hours were cut. My own father is in a nursing home, he has no money to speak of, my mother died last year, and my husband's family will not help us despite their own wealth. We want desperately to become more independent but do not want to rip anyone off. If you are interested in my cause let me know. If everyone who read my message gave only a single dollar, imagine how much good it might do? We want to be able to buy a home so that we can put a stop to these high rent payments we make. A mortgage, based on my work history, would be less expensive. It sounds unreal but we live in Vancouver and want to stay here if possible for work and school. We have been here for a long time. Please let me know if you want to help us make some dreams come true. If you do, then I can provide you with more information to make donations and more details on our lives and how your donations are helping us. I know that we do not live a third world lifestyle but many people are unaware of how quickly homelessness can happen in North America due to lack of family support, which is our problem. Please find it in your heart to help us.

My daughter and I are in need of finding a place of our own. These past couple months have been extremely hard because of the death of my mother. We were all living together and my mom was splitting the rent with me and I was working to take care of her. She was sick with Cancer and she had the operation and we all thought she was going to be okay. She did not recover like we expected and she ended up going in a Rehabilitation Center and we visited her often until she came home. I am the youngest of her children. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we are called the Berry 5. We were allways known as the Berry Family from the time we were little. My mom started to do better and we were so happy to have her home. It came time for her to Start Chemotherapy and Radiation. She was scared but I and my sister talked her into it because we knew the doctors had told us that she needed it because the cancer had spread to her lymp nodes and when they did the surgery they were not able to get everything. My mom had done one week of Radiation and she went in for one session of Chemo. The same day she had Chemo she seemed fine and then 2 days later she was having fevers, throwing up and so extremely weak. I thought it was because of the Chemo because that is what was explained to us. My concern was she couldn't keep anything down. I needed to give her medication for her Diabetes and High Blood Pressure but everytime I gave her anything, it all came up and so I was so scared because her blood sugar was high and I didn't want it to get any higher. She began to complain of stomach pain and I thought it was another side effect of the Chemo. For a couple days of her vomiting and having diarrhea, I was able to get some fluids down her and it seemed to stay. Little by little we both thought she was doing better. Her strength was not there though, it was difficult for her to even get up to go to the bathroom. The following day she continued to vomit and I was scared so I told her she needed to go to the hospital, because I felt that they could help her more. They could give her medications through an IV and they could find out why she was so weak and everything. She was scared and did not want to go but I convinced her. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I tried to follow her but I had to pick up my 11 year old daughter from school. I did go and they would not let me go back right away. I told them my mom had been brought in and they told me she wasn't checked in yet. About 20 minutes passed and I went back up to the window and they told me they would see if the doctor would let me back there and they were saying my daughter couldn't come back there because she wasn't 14, I told them she is only 11 years old and I'm not leaving her in the waiting room with strangers and that she was coming back there with me. They finally let us in and we went back to see my mom. I couldn't believe they had her hooked up to so many machines and she was on morphine and so out of it. I walked up to her and I said Ma, I'm here and she turned and looked at me. She was happy to see me, but then she told me that they told her, they found blood in her stools. I told her it was probably just do to her Hemorrhoids. but she said they told her it was positive for something. I asked her for what and she didn't know. I began looking for the doctor so I could ask questions but he wasn't around and everyone I talked to told me the doctor would be in soon to go over my mom's condition. I stayed with my mom, just holding her hand, telling her I loved her and that she was going to be okay. They came in to take her to have an ultrasound and my daughter and I waited. The doctor finally came in and told me that my mom had an abcess in her stomach that had burst. I said what are you talking about? He said that she had a condition called peridonitis and that the abcess burst and was releasing all this poison inside her stomach and her blood pressure was dropping dramatically. He then told me it was too dangerous for them to operate at that time because her INR level to to high. My mom had been taking Cumadin for a blood clot that she previously had and the cumadin made her INR level extremely high and her blood was not clotting so they said if they did surgery, she would bleed out. They said they needed to correct it by giving her lots of blood products and they gave her all kinds of strong antibiotics and blood and plasma. They were pumping so much stuff into her, I didn't know what to do. Her blood pressure was like 85/60 and then like 76/40 and it was getting lower and lower. They had her hooked up to so many IVs and then they told me that she was the sickest person they had in the ER. So many doctors and interns and students and nurses overcrowded my mom's room. I called my sister and told her what was going on and she came down to be with me and my daughter. They told us they would do all they could for my mom but that it didn't look good. I began to pray, my mom had always taught me to pray and give things over to god. As the night went on, they decided to put an IV in my moms neck, they said it was more direct and if and when she went to surgery it would be better to have that in place. They made us leave the room and they had like 10 people in there with there machines and cameras and equipment to help guide them where to put the IV at. I had never gone through this before and I was so scared but I was keeping my faith. One doctor wanted to talk to me and my sister alone and I didn't want to hear him telling me anything negative. He asked us a lot of questions concerning my mom's health and history. He then told us that she was in acute renal failure and that her colon was damaged where the abcess bursts and fecal was being released into her abdomen. This is the last thing I wanted to hear. I asked him if they could fix it, he said they would do all they could but that their main focus was trying to bring her INR levels down because they were dangerously high. She was also anemic and that is why she was so weak, her blood level was extremely low. They were continuously giving her blood products, antibiotics and plasma. My sister decided to take my daughter home with her. I told her I would call her when I knew when they were going to do surgery. The surgeon had spoken to us and said that it was a good chance, and that operating was her only chance and once her blood level was corrected that they would go in and repair the damage. I felt some what relieved but as the night went on she was in a fight for her life. The main doctor working on my mom's case came and told me that her breathing was not getting any better and that he needed to put her to sleep so he could intubate her and put a breathing tube down her throat. He said it would be good to have anyways so that she would be ready when they went to surgery. There was nothing I could do except walk out of the room and wait. I continued to pray and wait and pray and wait. Hours went by and I would walk and peek inside the room and see my mom's blood pressure increasing some, this gave me hope but then the doctor would come and tell me it wasn't looking like she was improving and that we needed to prepare that she might not make it through the night. i couldn't believe what he was telling me. I called my sister and my brother and told them , they were praying as well. I didn't know who to listen to, one doctor is telling me it's hopeless and the surgeon is telling me it's a good chance she would be okay once taken to surgery. I sat in the hall because they wouldn't let me back in and they stayed with her at all times, monitoring her and giving her medicine and all the blood and stuff back to back. Then they came out in the hall and told me they were ready to take her to surgery. They said she might not hear you but you can still talk to her. I walked up to her lying there, so still and I told her how much I loved her and i told her to fight and that we would do it togther and that I would be here when she woke up and that I was not leaving her. The surgeon put me in the OR waiting room. I was all alone in there by myself. I waited and waited and only 20 mins went by and a security guard told me there was a cafe there and if I wanted to go grab a cup of coffee that I could. I went downstairs and got the coffee, as soon as I reached the OR floor I saw the surgeon standing there, he walked over to me and he said, I'm sorry but your mom's heart stopped during surgery and we revived her but then it stopped again and he said I don't we can get it back. My whole world just crumbled, I began screaming and crying and I fell to the floor. I was just askig God why. Why is this happening? This security lady came over to comfort me and began telling me how sorry she was and asked me if I had any family I could call. I called my sister and told her and she said she was on her way down. She lived in another city about 45 mins away. I was still on the ground just broken and this lady began to tell me that God would help me and give me the strength to go on. She asked me if I had any children, I told her I had a daughter, and she told me I needed to be strong for her. I wasn't trying to hear all that. My whole world was ripped right from under me. A couple of doctors and this lady helped me off the floor and the surgeon that came out , came out again and told me they would take me back to see her. They brought out a wheelchair and wheeled me back there and when they opened the door, my god I just saw them on top of her doing chest compressions and I was just screaming and then the surgeon is telling me I need to make a decision because everytime they do that, they are hurting her and he said, you don't want her to suffer anymore. I was just waiting on my sister4. I didn't want to make that call but I didn't want them pounding her chest in so I told them to stop. It killed in me inside. They wheeled me over to her and I just cried. My mom was only 60 years old and she had her whole life ahead of her and I don't understand why any of this happened. She was such a beautiful person and she had been a christian for 33 years. SHe loved the lord and she raised me and my siblings up in the church. I couldn't believe that she was gone because I had prayed and prayed and I just knew that God would spare her life. I lost my real father at the age of 16 and even then I didn't know him. I always had my mom and she remarried when I was 11 years old. She had been married for 19 years and my step father passed away in July of 2008. He was a sickly person and she took care of him and nursed him for all those years. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, he was on dialysis for kidney failure, he had a four by pass surgery and he was in and out of the hospitals for years. She suffered so much seeing him suffer and taking care of him, he took what little strength she had. But because he was her husband she did all she could to help him and she loved him so much. So now all remains is just me and my siblings. It's hard because my mom was my best friend. I can't remember a time when she wasn't around. We did everything together and we lived together for years and I took care of her. I wanted so bad for her to be okay and to make it through surgery, I had been taught for years about the love of Jesus and I couldn't understand what he chose to take her away from her children and grandchildren. We had a two bedroom apartment and she had her room and my daughter and I shared a room. After she died, I went home that morning with my sister and I stayed over there for the remainder of the day. The whole day was just hurting, crying and calling the rest of the family. I felt so bad because my youngest brother, say youngest because he is the youngest of my 3 brothers, even though they are all older than me. He came to the hospital to see my mom but he thought she was still alive and the doctors didn't tell him, they let him in the room and she was already covered up and he walked in and was like, it's over ?? he couldn't believe it , he just broke down. One of the nurses that was in the OR called my sister and he was crying, apologizing to us because he thought my brother already knew. He told us how sorry he was. Now my family is broken, my mom was the rock that held us all together. We didn't have money growing up, we didn't have a lot of the finer things in life but we had love. She loved us like no one could. She did it all for her children and most importantly she taught us about God. She lived her life for Jesus, she would pray on a regular basis, read her bible daily, go to church often as she could and when things looked hopeless she took them to god in prayer. She prayed not only for her children, grandchildren and siblings but for people all over the world, she would pray for all the countries and for the sick and homeless and anyone she could pray for. She gave over the years endlessly to Trinity Broadcasting Network, Feed the children, CBN, David Terrell Ministries, Boys Town, Children International, Food For All and to so many others. Month after month, year after year she was giving. She taught us how to give and there were times when we would just make food and take it to the park to give to the homeless, bottled water, sandwiches, noodles, chicken or whatever we could. She would never turn down a person needing help or asking for spare change, she would give freely. She would tell me all the time, it's better to give than to receive and that god would bless me. So I began giving as well, I would call and donate and try to help whenever I could. My mom was also a big giver to the goodwill. Over the years we gave so much, and everytime they would ask if we wanted a donation paper for a tax write off she would say no. she didn't want that, she was giving freely and she didn't want anything in return. That's who she was, she was the person who would mentor you and talk to you about Jesus and how over the years he brought her and our family through so many trials and tribulations. SHe praised god for everything, for the good times and the bad. She used to always tell me to be thankful and to praise god. Now there were times when i was suffering so much and I didn't want to praise god, I wanted god to help me and at the time it seemed like he wasn't. My mom was always there to tell me baby, hold on.. give your burdens over to the lord and he will help you and supply all your needs. I realized that he did just that. I remember when she had surgery for the cancer and she was wondering why god allowed her to come down with that. It was hard for her because her faith was shaken then. She couldn't believe after she was faithful to him for so many years that he would allow her to suffer so horribly and there my sister and I were telling her that she would be okay, that God loved her still and he had not forsaken her and that he would bring her through this. She was so discouraged at the time but we would not let up. She couldn't believe this was her children mentoring and encouragiing her as she had done for us over the years. She told me, she was happy and she felt relieved that her living and everything she had taught us was not in vain. She was thankful to God that we were listening to her and by example we followed her footsteps. She began to get better and we thought she would be okay. My mom was a pure Christian, she didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. She would make you turn the tv channel if you were watching something that cursed. She loved her cowboys though. Her favorites were Bonanza, The rifle man, High Chapparal, Wagon Train, The Virginian and so many others. She also loved the old shows, the clean shows, the original dennis the menace, columbo, family affair, petticoat junction, I married joan, hawai five o, the streets of san francisco, i spy, murder she wrote, in the heat of the night, matlock, the big vally, dr quinn, little house on the prairie, family ties, good times, 227, what's happening, the jeffersons, the brady bunch and so many others. Her favorite game shows were The price is right, deal or no deal, let's make a deal, the newlywed game, match game and who wants to be a millionaire. I loved spending time with my mom, she was someone I could always talk to and she would never judge me, she would tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. She taught me how to carry myself as a lady and she taught me how to stand up for myself and I owe her so much. I felt like I let her down that night she was in the hospital and I told her she would be okay and that I would be waiting for her when she woke up but she never woke up. I felt that made me a liar. I had been taking care of my mom for months and I was preparing her meals, giving her medications on schedule and was taking her to her appointments and running errands for her. My mom had been weak for so long because before she found out she had cancer she was bleeding perfusely having vaginal bleeding and they made her very anemic. Before surgery she had 4 transfusions and then after surgery she had 2 more. She never got all her strength back and after she had the first surgery, she was too weak that they sent her to Ballard Rehabilitation and they were working on getting her strength back and getting her up and walking. She did so much better when she was in there and when she came home, they sent out a home health nurse, a physcialy therapist and an occupational therapist. They began doing exercises with her and the physical therapist thought it would benefit my mom to have some help with getting around. So she ordered her an walker , the kind that had a seat on it, she ordered her a wheel chair, a raised toilet seat with the rails and a shower chair and shower bench. So when my mom started walking more better she was using her walker all the time, it was helping her because she had the support to keep her from falling and when she got tired , she could just sit down. I did all I could to take care of her, on a daily basis. She was not strong enough to shower herself, so I bought the shower hose and I began to shower her daily, dress her and do everything for her but I loved her so much and I didn't care what I had to do, she was my mom. There were days when she thought she was a burden to me and she would tell me, that I work to hard and that she was sorry she was not able to do things for herself and i would immediately tell her to stop talking like that. I would tell her, she was my mom, I loved her and wanted to look after her and that she wasn't a burden on me. That she took care of me when I was little and over the years and now it was my turn to take care of her. She told me a couple weeks before she passed away , you said, you really stood by your mom, when all the others went on their way. you stood by your mom. She said, I don't know what I would have done with out you. She said I don't know how I would have made it and she said god is really going to bless you and he will remember everything you did for your mother. She told me how special I was and now that she is gone , I remember everything she ever told me. It has been so hard, going through all her things and seeing all the cards and letters she gave me over the years. Everybody keeps telling me it will get better but I don't see that happening. I can't go one day without crying for missing her so much. I am grateful because she is not in any more pain but I am hurting so badly without her. I have a big sister but we have never been that close, she seems to want to spend more time with me now but nobody could ever feel that empty space inside my heart for my mother. I recently moved in with my brother and I want so desperately for me and my daughter to be able to get a place of our own. It costs so much to pay for first and last months rent and I have this old 1994 car that has been giving me so much trouble and I am barely scraping along , just trying to make it. I would appreciate any help I am given. If anyone can find it in their heart to help me and my daughter move out and get our own place or simply help us with the day to day necessities, it would be greatly appreciated.

My daughter and I are in need of finding a place of our own. These past couple months have been extremely hard because of the death of my mother. We were all living together and my mom was splitting the rent with me and I was working to take care of her. She was sick with Cancer and she had the operation and we all thought she was going to be okay. She did not recover like we expected and she ended up going in a Rehabilitation Center and we visited her often until she came home. I am the youngest of her children. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we are called the Berry 5. We were allways known as the Berry Family from the time we were little. My mom started to do better and we were so happy to have her home. It came time for her to Start Chemotherapy and Radiation. She was scared but I and my sister talked her into it because we knew the doctors had told us that she needed it because the cancer had spread to her lymp nodes and when they did the surgery they were not able to get everything. My mom had done one week of Radiation and she went in for one session of Chemo. The same day she had Chemo she seemed fine and then 2 days later she was having fevers, throwing up and so extremely weak. I thought it was because of the Chemo because that is what was explained to us. My concern was she couldn't keep anything down. I needed to give her medication for her Diabetes and High Blood Pressure but everytime I gave her anything, it all came up and so I was so scared because her blood sugar was high and I didn't want it to get any higher. She began to complain of stomach pain and I thought it was another side effect of the Chemo. For a couple days of her vomiting and having diarrhea, I was able to get some fluids down her and it seemed to stay. Little by little we both thought she was doing better. Her strength was not there though, it was difficult for her to even get up to go to the bathroom. The following day she continued to vomit and I was scared so I told her she needed to go to the hospital, because I felt that they could help her more. They could give her medications through an IV and they could find out why she was so weak and everything. She was scared and did not want to go but I convinced her. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I tried to follow her but I had to pick up my 11 year old daughter from school. I did go and they would not let me go back right away. I told them my mom had been brought in and they told me she wasn't checked in yet. About 20 minutes passed and I went back up to the window and they told me they would see if the doctor would let me back there and they were saying my daughter couldn't come back there because she wasn't 14, I told them she is only 11 years old and I'm not leaving her in the waiting room with strangers and that she was coming back there with me. They finally let us in and we went back to see my mom. I couldn't believe they had her hooked up to so many machines and she was on morphine and so out of it. I walked up to her and I said Ma, I'm here and she turned and looked at me. She was happy to see me, but then she told me that they told her, they found blood in her stools. I told her it was probably just do to her Hemorrhoids. but she said they told her it was positive for something. I asked her for what and she didn't know. I began looking for the doctor so I could ask questions but he wasn't around and everyone I talked to told me the doctor would be in soon to go over my mom's condition. I stayed with my mom, just holding her hand, telling her I loved her and that she was going to be okay. They came in to take her to have an ultrasound and my daughter and I waited. The doctor finally came in and told me that my mom had an abcess in her stomach that had burst. I said what are you talking about? He said that she had a condition called peridonitis and that the abcess burst and was releasing all this poison inside her stomach and her blood pressure was dropping dramatically. He then told me it was too dangerous for them to operate at that time because her INR level to to high. My mom had been taking Cumadin for a blood clot that she previously had and the cumadin made her INR level extremely high and her blood was not clotting so they said if they did surgery, she would bleed out. They said they needed to correct it by giving her lots of blood products and they gave her all kinds of strong antibiotics and blood and plasma. They were pumping so much stuff into her, I didn't know what to do. Her blood pressure was like 85/60 and then like 76/40 and it was getting lower and lower. They had her hooked up to so many IVs and then they told me that she was the sickest person they had in the ER. So many doctors and interns and students and nurses overcrowded my mom's room. I called my sister and told her what was going on and she came down to be with me and my daughter. They told us they would do all they could for my mom but that it didn't look good. I began to pray, my mom had always taught me to pray and give things over to god. As the night went on, they decided to put an IV in my moms neck, they said it was more direct and if and when she went to surgery it would be better to have that in place. They made us leave the room and they had like 10 people in there with there machines and cameras and equipment to help guide them where to put the IV at. I had never gone through this before and I was so scared but I was keeping my faith. One doctor wanted to talk to me and my sister alone and I didn't want to hear him telling me anything negative. He asked us a lot of questions concerning my mom's health and history. He then told us that she was in acute renal failure and that her colon was damaged where the abcess bursts and fecal was being released into her abdomen. This is the last thing I wanted to hear. I asked him if they could fix it, he said they would do all they could but that their main focus was trying to bring her INR levels down because they were dangerously high. She was also anemic and that is why she was so weak, her blood level was extremely low. They were continuously giving her blood products, antibiotics and plasma. My sister decided to take my daughter home with her. I told her I would call her when I knew when they were going to do surgery. The surgeon had spoken to us and said that it was a good chance, and that operating was her only chance and once her blood level was corrected that they would go in and repair the damage. I felt some what relieved but as the night went on she was in a fight for her life. The main doctor working on my mom's case came and told me that her breathing was not getting any better and that he needed to put her to sleep so he could intubate her and put a breathing tube down her throat. He said it would be good to have anyways so that she would be ready when they went to surgery. There was nothing I could do except walk out of the room and wait. I continued to pray and wait and pray and wait. Hours went by and I would walk and peek inside the room and see my mom's blood pressure increasing some, this gave me hope but then the doctor would come and tell me it wasn't looking like she was improving and that we needed to prepare that she might not make it through the night. i couldn't believe what he was telling me. I called my sister and my brother and told them , they were praying as well. I didn't know who to listen to, one doctor is telling me it's hopeless and the surgeon is telling me it's a good chance she would be okay once taken to surgery. I sat in the hall because they wouldn't let me back in and they stayed with her at all times, monitoring her and giving her medicine and all the blood and stuff back to back. Then they came out in the hall and told me they were ready to take her to surgery. They said she might not hear you but you can still talk to her. I walked up to her lying there, so still and I told her how much I loved her and i told her to fight and that we would do it togther and that I would be here when she woke up and that I was not leaving her. The surgeon put me in the OR waiting room. I was all alone in there by myself. I waited and waited and only 20 mins went by and a security guard told me there was a cafe there and if I wanted to go grab a cup of coffee that I could. I went downstairs and got the coffee, as soon as I reached the OR floor I saw the surgeon standing there, he walked over to me and he said, I'm sorry but your mom's heart stopped during surgery and we revived her but then it stopped again and he said I don't we can get it back. My whole world just crumbled, I began screaming and crying and I fell to the floor. I was just askig God why. Why is this happening? This security lady came over to comfort me and began telling me how sorry she was and asked me if I had any family I could call. I called my sister and told her and she said she was on her way down. She lived in another city about 45 mins away. I was still on the ground just broken and this lady began to tell me that God would help me and give me the strength to go on. She asked me if I had any children, I told her I had a daughter, and she told me I needed to be strong for her. I wasn't trying to hear all that. My whole world was ripped right from under me. A couple of doctors and this lady helped me off the floor and the surgeon that came out , came out again and told me they would take me back to see her. They brought out a wheelchair and wheeled me back there and when they opened the door, my god I just saw them on top of her doing chest compressions and I was just screaming and then the surgeon is telling me I need to make a decision because everytime they do that, they are hurting her and he said, you don't want her to suffer anymore. I was just waiting on my sister4. I didn't want to make that call but I didn't want them pounding her chest in so I told them to stop. It killed in me inside. They wheeled me over to her and I just cried. My mom was only 60 years old and she had her whole life ahead of her and I don't understand why any of this happened. She was such a beautiful person and she had been a christian for 33 years. SHe loved the lord and she raised me and my siblings up in the church. I couldn't believe that she was gone because I had prayed and prayed and I just knew that God would spare her life. I lost my real father at the age of 16 and even then I didn't know him. I always had my mom and she remarried when I was 11 years old. She had been married for 19 years and my step father passed away in July of 2008. He was a sickly person and she took care of him and nursed him for all those years. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, he was on dialysis for kidney failure, he had a four by pass surgery and he was in and out of the hospitals for years. She suffered so much seeing him suffer and taking care of him, he took what little strength she had. But because he was her husband she did all she could to help him and she loved him so much. So now all remains is just me and my siblings. It's hard because my mom was my best friend. I can't remember a time when she wasn't around. We did everything together and we lived together for years and I took care of her. I wanted so bad for her to be okay and to make it through surgery, I had been taught for years about the love of Jesus and I couldn't understand what he chose to take her away from her children and grandchildren. We had a two bedroom apartment and she had her room and my daughter and I shared a room. After she died, I went home that morning with my sister and I stayed over there for the remainder of the day. The whole day was just hurting, crying and calling the rest of the family. I felt so bad because my youngest brother, say youngest because he is the youngest of my 3 brothers, even though they are all older than me. He came to the hospital to see my mom but he thought she was still alive and the doctors didn't tell him, they let him in the room and she was already covered up and he walked in and was like, it's over ?? he couldn't believe it , he just broke down. One of the nurses that was in the OR called my sister and he was crying, apologizing to us because he thought my brother already knew. He told us how sorry he was. Now my family is broken, my mom was the rock that held us all together. We didn't have money growing up, we didn't have a lot of the finer things in life but we had love. She loved us like no one could. She did it all for her children and most importantly she taught us about God. She lived her life for Jesus, she would pray on a regular basis, read her bible daily, go to church often as she could and when things looked hopeless she took them to god in prayer. She prayed not only for her children, grandchildren and siblings but for people all over the world, she would pray for all the countries and for the sick and homeless and anyone she could pray for. She gave over the years endlessly to Trinity Broadcasting Network, Feed the children, CBN, David Terrell Ministries, Boys Town, Children International, Food For All and to so many others. Month after month, year after year she was giving. She taught us how to give and there were times when we would just make food and take it to the park to give to the homeless, bottled water, sandwiches, noodles, chicken or whatever we could. She would never turn down a person needing help or asking for spare change, she would give freely. She would tell me all the time, it's better to give than to receive and that god would bless me. So I began giving as well, I would call and donate and try to help whenever I could. My mom was also a big giver to the goodwill. Over the years we gave so much, and everytime they would ask if we wanted a donation paper for a tax write off she would say no. she didn't want that, she was giving freely and she didn't want anything in return. That's who she was, she was the person who would mentor you and talk to you about Jesus and how over the years he brought her and our family through so many trials and tribulations. SHe praised god for everything, for the good times and the bad. She used to always tell me to be thankful and to praise god. Now there were times when i was suffering so much and I didn't want to praise god, I wanted god to help me and at the time it seemed like he wasn't. My mom was always there to tell me baby, hold on.. give your burdens over to the lord and he will help you and supply all your needs. I realized that he did just that. I remember when she had surgery for the cancer and she was wondering why god allowed her to come down with that. It was hard for her because her faith was shaken then. She couldn't believe after she was faithful to him for so many years that he would allow her to suffer so horribly and there my sister and I were telling her that she would be okay, that God loved her still and he had not forsaken her and that he would bring her through this. She was so discouraged at the time but we would not let up. She couldn't believe this was her children mentoring and encouragiing her as she had done for us over the years. She told me, she was happy and she felt relieved that her living and everything she had taught us was not in vain. She was thankful to God that we were listening to her and by example we followed her footsteps. She began to get better and we thought she would be okay. My mom was a pure Christian, she didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. She would make you turn the tv channel if you were watching something that cursed. She loved her cowboys though. Her favorites were Bonanza, The rifle man, High Chapparal, Wagon Train, The Virginian and so many others. She also loved the old shows, the clean shows, the original dennis the menace, columbo, family affair, petticoat junction, I married joan, hawai five o, the streets of san francisco, i spy, murder she wrote, in the heat of the night, matlock, the big vally, dr quinn, little house on the prairie, family ties, good times, 227, what's happening, the jeffersons, the brady bunch and so many others. Her favorite game shows were The price is right, deal or no deal, let's make a deal, the newlywed game, match game and who wants to be a millionaire. I loved spending time with my mom, she was someone I could always talk to and she would never judge me, she would tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. She taught me how to carry myself as a lady and she taught me how to stand up for myself and I owe her so much. I felt like I let her down that night she was in the hospital and I told her she would be okay and that I would be waiting for her when she woke up but she never woke up. I felt that made me a liar. I had been taking care of my mom for months and I was preparing her meals, giving her medications on schedule and was taking her to her appointments and running errands for her. My mom had been weak for so long because before she found out she had cancer she was bleeding perfusely having vaginal bleeding and they made her very anemic. Before surgery she had 4 transfusions and then after surgery she had 2 more. She never got all her strength back and after she had the first surgery, she was too weak that they sent her to Ballard Rehabilitation and they were working on getting her strength back and getting her up and walking. She did so much better when she was in there and when she came home, they sent out a home health nurse, a physcialy therapist and an occupational therapist. They began doing exercises with her and the physical therapist thought it would benefit my mom to have some help with getting around. So she ordered her an walker , the kind that had a seat on it, she ordered her a wheel chair, a raised toilet seat with the rails and a shower chair and shower bench. So when my mom started walking more better she was using her walker all the time, it was helping her because she had the support to keep her from falling and when she got tired , she could just sit down. I did all I could to take care of her, on a daily basis. She was not strong enough to shower herself, so I bought the shower hose and I began to shower her daily, dress her and do everything for her but I loved her so much and I didn't care what I had to do, she was my mom. There were days when she thought she was a burden to me and she would tell me, that I work to hard and that she was sorry she was not able to do things for herself and i would immediately tell her to stop talking like that. I would tell her, she was my mom, I loved her and wanted to look after her and that she wasn't a burden on me. That she took care of me when I was little and over the years and now it was my turn to take care of her. She told me a couple weeks before she passed away , you said, you really stood by your mom, when all the others went on their way. you stood by your mom. She said, I don't know what I would have done with out you. She said I don't know how I would have made it and she said god is really going to bless you and he will remember everything you did for your mother. She told me how special I was and now that she is gone , I remember everything she ever told me. It has been so hard, going through all her things and seeing all the cards and letters she gave me over the years. Everybody keeps telling me it will get better but I don't see that happening. I can't go one day without crying for missing her so much. I am grateful because she is not in any more pain but I am hurting so badly without her. I have a big sister but we have never been that close, she seems to want to spend more time with me now but nobody could ever feel that empty space inside my heart for my mother. I recently moved in with my brother and I want so desperately for me and my daughter to be able to get a place of our own. It costs so much to pay for first and last months rent and I have this old 1994 car that has been giving me so much trouble and I am barely scraping along , just trying to make it. I would appreciate any help I am given. If anyone can find it in their heart to help me and my daughter move out and get our own place or simply help us with the day to day necessities, it would be greatly appreciated.

Not long ago, I lost my home to a psychotic woman who made a phony accusation of "domestic abuse" during one of her more than 100 psychiatric hospitalizations (that's just during my acquaintance with her). I have since learned that she has done the same thing to at least two other men and made other false accusations against at least four of her doctors.

Evidence exists in the form of her medical history, affidavits by those who have observed her behavior, and written statements by the woman herself admitting that she is "delusional". This material could be presented in court and should prevent her from ever harming another man. But that will take money for legal fees, and since I am disabled and on a fixed income....it's money I don't have.

If anyone can help at all I will be deeply grateful. I'd like my house back--after all, I paid for it over 15 years. And I'd like to see this woman stopped from harming anyone else. Her next victim could be you.

I have health insurance but due to recent precondition problems I am risking losing my insurance getting a necessary though seemingly optional cosmetic tail implant. I was born with a partially emerging tail about 3 three inches long that I can vigorously wag and I have a condition where when ever I am nervous , anxious or anticipating something happening my tail starts to wag fast and hard with a sort of red light going on in my head because my imagination pictures my tiny three inch stub of a tail being a long elegant leopard size implement with a graceful swagger. Since I was born I could not wear ordinary pants. So I went to various plastic surgeons over the years to see what could be done to augment my unfinished limb. The good doctor i found devised a way that takes parts of my buttocks and builds a muscle tail approximately three feet long that will extend my tail enough that I will be able to put an end to that red light in my head that says it does not function. Yes I will end up with a smaller behind but it will definitely be worth it in a trade off that gives me the tail I have always wanted. The doctor estimates that the operations will cost between $478,000 and Three million dollars. Yes I know what you are thinking is this tail worth that much money? Of course. I will be able to swing from trees by my tail with the new power muscle tell that can be built for me. I will have three limbs above my waist. I will feel whole for the first time in my life and I will make medical history as the first human in some 200,000 years to have a tail that can express itself with grace and elegance. If I can't raise the money I swear I am going to join the ranks of the circus freaks and get the money wagging my disgustingly ugly existing tail in public. I know that sounds demeaning but I am still proud of my tail and blessed to have it. I am thinking of getting a couple of monkeys to develop an act to get top billing on the freak show circuit. Planet of the Apes Man and Monkeys would be a good name for the act? You just don't know what it is like having just a stub of a tail when you are so close to having the real thing and swinging it in the trees. Hurry and donate before Obama care has to pay for this.

Hi. My wiccan name is Celestial Dream. My website is http://danublessings.blogspot.com/

I am very good at what I do. I practice Powerful Magic.

I practicing solitary wicca five years ago.

I am also a psychic dreamer. Psychic and spiritual gifts ablilties have run in my family for years.

Today, the practitioners of the Wiccan faith carry on the rituals of Pagan Irish history and mythology. Nature worship and the divinity of the Goddess (as opposed to a patriarchal male God) are the fundamentals of Wicca, which focuses on incantations and rituals to honor the Goddess, the great outdoors, and the spirit world.

I've learned how to cast powerful spells of love, money, and much more.

I've helped family and friends for years when they've need a spiritual understanding and resolution to life's problems. I've given gifts of everyday jewelry that I've charged with a spell and they've had very good results.

Casting a spell is ceremonial.

Mystical objects and positives energies can be charged to an object. Charming items is to place a spell on them that carries out a particular purpose when in someone's possession. I've helped many people and they've been happy with the results.
After you purchase one of my spells send me your name and anything you would like me to know about your situation.
Please leave feedback after I start your spell. If it doesn't take at first I will gladly recast for you. Blessed Be!



Email from a happy customer.
Dear danublessings,Hello,I hope you are well, I wanted to update you that I just won $50 on a scratch off ticket. I hope the money continues to come. And thank you so much for everything, checking on the status and more importantly for the recast. I will continue to update.- barthmmm



Disclaimer: Due to federal and state laws I must declare the following: You must be at least 18 years old to make this purchase. By purchasing my products and/or metaphysical services, you do so at your own risk. I am not responsible for any injury due to services and is not a substitute for professional, legal, medical, financial or psychiatric advice or care. Spells and readings are at buyers’ interpretation. By buying on my items and completing a transaction this constitutes your acceptant use of my products. Items and services are for entertainment only by bidding you accept these terms and frees me of any and all liability for any reason.

I am a married 59 year old disabled man. My wife is also disabled. I paid into Social Security and Federal taxes for 34 years and served my country during the Iran Hostage crisis. While getting my 50 year physical exam my bloodwork and a biospy ended up putting me through 2 chemos for my liver. Even though I wasn't cured we seemed to have stopped the progression of the disease. While going through this living hell our government would not approve my Social Security disability until I was completely penniless. My claim was finally approved after 2 years with no income or money. The judge who approved my claim was appalled that the SS Administration waited so long to approve someone over 55 with a 34 year work history. I was found 100% disabled due to a condition that ends in death. It's pretty obvious they were waiting to see if I would die! Now I do have some income which I am thankful for but it doesn't cover all my expenses. If all I had was general bills like gas, water, electric, car ins. and food I could make ends meet. I am struggling to pay my property tax. I own my home which my father built after WWII. My property tax is billed every 6 months and is over $1000.00 semi-anually my monthly check is only $1300.00 which barely covers the regular bills. Right now I am barely staying ahead of the threats to sell my home for back taxes. I applied for the Homestead Act property tax exemption for seniors and the disabled where they can deduct up to $25000.00 from the value of your home and tax that amount. The average person in my state saves $400.00 a year on this program according to their website. When my tax bill came this exemption only reduced my taxes by $164.00 a year. That's only $82.00 from each semi-annual government extortion. First I was forced to exhaust my life savings before they would approve my disability now this. I must figure a way to supplement my income. I have paid my dues and shouldn't have to struggle and deal with such heavy stress at this stage of my life. These are supposed to be pleasant years when you've lived right. Please, HELP!
A more in depth version of this is on Yahoo Voices and titled "Life Changing Health Issues, Social Security and Going Broke".

To whom it may concern,

Stated Goal: $2,000.00 (by March 21st, 2012) for tuition, books and some new pants to get my academic career going... Breakdown of $1,288.33 for tuition/fees, approximately $400.00 in textbooks/supplies for the quarter, and the remainder for some pants and necessary travel expenditures for the first month of school.

I know you have many options with where your hard-earned money goes - some may make you feel GREAT about shedding a few pounds in the wallet, and others will leave you feeling downright dirty. I know this, because I was once in your shoes; money in my wallet, left only to my vices as to where to spend it. I never felt right about just handing it over to someone who, in my opinion, would merely go drink it away, drug it away, etc. It's funny how life throws these things all back into your face sometimes, and as such I find myself in need and hoping that the right person(s) will have the faith to invest in me - that's right, I said INVEST.

I don't believe in a handout, but I DO believe that sometimes we fall a bit harder than we are prepared to do and as such are put into situations that we neither expected nor are comfortable with. I opened a business that was going rather well for its first 7 months of operation. Then, through an anonymous post from someone online that "appeared" to be from my company, me and my business partner got black-balled from the industry (VERY political/bureaucratic in that particular industry). When this went under, though, it took me and everything I own with it - my vehicle, my home and much of my personal belongings. Prior to that, I spent 11 years on active duty military status in order to protect and serve this country. Yes, I've earned the G.I. Bill and fully intend to use it for its designed purpose. TheMy defining issue, however, is that the Bill pays for school on a month-to-month basis, at the END of each month of training. For example, my school begins this April 2nd so I cannot claim my benefits until the end of April, which will cause my first G.I. bill payment to get sent out in early May. The school, however, requires payment up-front and as explained above, I currently do not have the capital to get started. Once I've started, the Bill will sustain me, therefore I merely ask for assistance in getting the first quarter of classes paid, including books. I have a great academic history, and this is truly where I excel. My purpose is to some day acquire a PhD in pharmaceutics and do research to find new and improved medications for the benefit of the masses.

As for the pants, I have two pairs remaining and both have holes in the legs and crotch. While these DO technically work for all intents and purposes, it gets a bit breezy on these cold days and nights, and is probably unsightly (at best) to any of my would-be professors who may not appreciate an instructor's-eye-view of these things. As such, I figure I might like to buy a couple of pairs prior to matriculation.

Thank you, in advance, to any and all who assist me on this endeavor.

Can maybe get Social Security in 5 months but need help living till then.
Dire Straits. noun. a bad or difficult situation or state of affairs, (not just the name of a band).
Up front, I take full responsibility for my current condition/situation, no other person place or thing is responsible for bad decisions I have made. And I have made quite a few.
That being stated, here are the facts;
Currently living in a car(read that homeless).
Unemployed, not unemployable but a very poor job history.
Stuck in a place where the weather is nice, but I really do not want to be here.
So if you have guessed that this is a plee for help, you are correct.
How did I get here? Years of practice.
I recently spoke with a professional, not in his professional settings, but of subjet matter that is discussed in his professional settings.
After some communications between us his opinion is that quite probably I am suffering from PTSD (Post Tramatic Stress Disorder). Something I aquired at the age of 17. 45 years ago I was involved in an automobile accident that resulted in both deaths, yes plural, and permanent disability to persons other than myself. Although due to circumstances beyond my control I was never charged with any crime, and there are no wants or warrants now, I believe the accident was my fault. I am willing to discuss the details in private as posting them on the internet could possibly bring painful memories to any living family members involved.
So for 45 years I have practiced the symptoms of PTSD so well that I have slipped through undetected. Probably in part due to the fact that although I am of the typical age of a Vietnam Vet, I never served in that arena, as I ran away from home just after the accident, because I was afraid of going to jail, that any draft papers never caught up with me. I was not afraid of going to jail because of being locked behind bars, I was afraid of suffering more sexual abuse at the hands of older inmates like I had already received from my sick alcoholic father.
So not being a vet and not discussing the accident no one ever considered PTSD, and they now know that severe trama of any sort can cause it, not just the theatre of the battlefield. Couple that to me not staying in one spot long enough for anyone to really know me. I have been successfully hiding in my head. As long as I don't get too close too intimate it won't hurt when I run away and lose you.
Severe trama it is now believed to stunt emotional growth. If the trama is severe enough emotional growth can in fact be locked in to the time of the tramatic event. So imagine being a teenager in a 61 year old body, thats me. Married 4 times afraid to have children. I heard on a radio talk show when I was very young that "The sins of the fathers where passed to their offsprings" and made a decision to never have children because no way was I going to do what was done to me to some helpless trusting child. This is one of the few things that I have been successful at.
The professional says I must discuss these matters, that is part of the healing process. So I am jumping in off the deep end, going online with my story in hopes that it will benefit myself and any other poor sod that happens to be in a similar situation.
Yes I am asking for help, financial help. Here with the help of the professional is what I am thinking, If I can find a few thousand lucky individuals that are housed and employed to give one dollar then I can purchase a used motorhome, put it in an inexpensive rv park so that I can have a base of operations from which to take showers on a daily basis, eat hot food and have an address to put on job applications. I could find some form of professional assistance either city/state/federal to deal with the PTSD for the long term.
There is help available.
And just to ease the voices in your head, I have not had a drink of alcohol or any hard drugs since 1982. I have used marijuana on a irregular basis off and on my whole life, I'll see what the PTSD treatment brings regarding that issue.
Honesty, what a concept.
Well if you have read this far, please, if you can afford it, click the paypal button and just one dollar is all I ask.
Thank You,
Joe

Yesterday morning I gave birth naturally to a beautiful 9lb10oz baby girl, and an hour after I was notified my dog, Tyson, had gotten out (my room mate let him out because he doesn't like my dog).
The pound called and said it would be $150 and $20 a day for every day he is there. So now $170..
we have $80 so far from a few friends, but not enough yet. And we would make the room mate pay, but there's no proof other than what history says.
Which brings the story here. I believe in random acts of kindness, and I'm asking anyone reading this to donate to help us get him out. Even if all you can give is a dollar, please, everything helps.

Please help us get Tyson.

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Hi guys,

I'm not the sort of person to beg and i don't expect sympathy and to use this as a sob story as this is my fault in the first place. I'm 19 years of age and already have the experience of facing debt which i can tell you is not pleasent.

Story...

Ever since two year ago i was introduced to payday loans because due to my credit history where i'd missed my phone bills by accident due to my direct debits not being payed properly it affected my credit rating badly so i was unable to get a proper loan to learn how to drive. I eventually got into a situation where i took out a payday loan to pay the other payday loan and ended up in one vicious cycle. The problem was a couple of month ago i was made redundant and fortunately i found a job the month after with great career prospects (apprenticeship) the only bad thing is i have took a massive pay cut which means i can't afford to pay these debts anymore. So i'm asking anyone out there even if it's just £1/$1 they have free (sorry i'm english) then please donate to my cause? I know there are people out there who are far off worse (homeless/in huge amounts of debt compared to mine) but it's the most horrible situation. I can't sleep or think about anything else other than the problem i'm currently facing. Anybody who can help i will be forever indebted too.

Thanks

Jamie

from
England.

Hello, I am a mother of 5 who has worked all my life to support and raise my kids.I started a small business in 2009 that helps kids and families and have been using the money from my full time job to grow that business. Do to the ecomony I lost my fulltime job and I am finding it difficult to buy the supplies I need to keep this business growing. I am looking for a small amount of money to help take me to the next level. I have had some interest from a big grocery chain, I have a franchise business of stores that I supply and a local ministry contract so I know I am on the right path. I can't get a bank loan due to my credit history (which I am clearing up slowly)and just need a little help so that I can continue to help those in need of my products and services.

PLEASE SOMEONE HEAR ME Hello Everyone
Well here I am and I don't know where to begin.
I am a middle aged intelligent business woman not a dater partier or drinker. However I am in deep trouble and cant get out without help. I am HOMELESS I moved in with a druggie who said he was not doing drugs anymore. Since I was desperate, I believed him. I have cleaned his home for days in was so dirty, do laundry been cleaning on a daily basis. He moves things around makes messes when he is doing drugs. Lighters in the bed, cigarettes burning ashes all over etc. I have been a caretaker of him and his home. His parents are wonderful Christian people he is not like them at all. His mother had said maybe this is God's will for me to move in. It has taken a toll on me. I have been a great influence on him. He had put a drug in my drink twice I could tell. I confronted him. I am a strong person, this has not been easy. I could see I have made a difference in him. At this point my belongings are in his garage the remainder of my belongings are in storage. I have been here 6 weeks 4 out of the six with no car. He would take me to a job I needed to get too 2 weeks ago. I have been in dire straights' in the house everyday. He has a gate out front which I do not have the code for to get out. He locks the door on me and I have to knock for 2 minutes to get in. I sleep in a room with no heat on. My car broke down once I am penniless, my car guy fixed it free. A 10 year old VW. Now the clutch went therefore I have been grounded. No money to fix it. I asked him since he spends money like water on his children and drugs, however, he says he has none he is on unemployment. He has a history of a felony. I need to get out of here, I do not have a place to go to and no car. Tomorrow he says he is going to put my belongings in the garage on his truck and take it out of here and he expects me to leave. I have no where that I can go. I am behind in my storage fees as well.
When I am on the phone he asks me who am Im taking too, on the computer he thinks I am videoing him his home etc. yes he is parinoid. He was at PASSAGES in Malibu for a few months but it's obvious they did not help him nearly enough. You know if this was a paying job I can I believe work wonders for him. There has been a change in him. It is a challenge but I would do it. I see some progress and that makes me happy. He needs to be held on the right track. I know he doesn't like me here because he really cant be himself. He is limited with me here watching him. Also I have two dogs that have worked wonders with him too... they keep my sanity.There is much too much to explain of what I have been through in my heart Gods knows. Once when he was doing drugs he said he would give me the money I need for my behind storages fees if I don't tell his parents he is doing drugs. I said no Im not that type of person. The more and more I think about it I should have said yes. He hates that I am so straight. Help help help that's all I do I am in a hole and need HELP MYSELF.
IF anyone could help PLEASE MAIL ME one dollar to MARIA L. PO Box 2011 Newburgh, NY 12550 IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!
IF MANY HELP I can get out and get on my feet.
I THANK YOU ALL there is all TOO MUCH more to say.
I WISH YOU ALL MANY BLESSINGS and MY HEARTFELT THANKS GOES OUT TO ALL WHO HEAR ME.

PLEEEEEEEEEEEZ HELP ME!!

Hey and thank you for reading!
A little about me; My name is Alana, I am 26 years old and am privileged enough to have two beautiful children aged 6 and 3 who make life so much more bearable when life get's me feeling a little blue.

I've always been hard-working and took evening college classes after working during the day and juggling being a mummy, then passed last year with a distinction enabling me to go to university where I am studying English and History with high hopes for a future in teaching at college level.

So far I have achieved 2:1's in all of my assignments and have just got feedback that I have gained my first 1st in an essay, so my commitment and enthusiasm and sky high right now! Not to mention that my son is so proud of my going to 'grown-up school'and I just hope that I can give us a better future and be an inspirational role model to my children as they grow up.

Like most students I stay up till 2am to complete assignments, and during the day I attend classes, lectures and school runs plus the usual mummy stuff, so my hectic schedule means that I am always kept busy!

I am asking for a little help as although I have kept my family in the same home and our living cost's haven't changed, my diesel costs have quadrupled and my income has decreased significantly. I am making ends meet by requesting every bursary, repayable student loan and any other means of repayable help I can find, but I'm about to start my second semester at uni without any of my reading list books; this totals somewhere in the region of £300 for the remaining term.

I want to do everything In can to ensure I make the most of this opportunity to do the best that I can, and whilst I have used the library and bought second-hand books where I can, most aren't readily available.

So if anyone reading this would like to help me out, I would appreciate it more than I could express in this message, and will respond to every single donation! Any little amount would be a blessing, even the pennies count! I can't cut back any more of my outgoings.

Thank you so much for reading this far! Here's to working hard for a better future! Yours gratefully, Alana and her little (monsters) angels

I'm interested in finding out more about my family's genetic history, including our medical history, but tests can be expensive, so I would greatly appreciate it if anyone could donate some money to help me find out more. By funding my genetic research, you'll be helping me know more about my family's risks, as well as helping genetic research in general. Thank you in advance for any donations kindly given.

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.
From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.

From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

Where do I start? I have a history of Bipolar disorder and depression. I'm on a lot of psychiatric medication. In my life I've had several days I've felt hopeless. Life is supposed to be fun. For me, it hasn't been that way. Now I'm married and my wife suffers from depression. She needs gastric bypass surgery due to the weight she's gained. She's been declined from insurance companies because obesity is viewed as a pre-existing condition. I could use money to help her get the surgery she needs. I need money for every day things that we need. If you choose to donate any money, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank You!