Dealing Tags

I am faced with an impossible request I think. 3 years ago I was a strong, confident woman, 13 credit hours away from a BS in Biology with plan of going to graduate school. I was in an extremely abusive relationship with a man that I had to assist authorities in putting in prison. The same man left his daughter in my custody under the pretenses that her mother had abandoned her. I cared for her for two years as the only mother she knew before I found out that he had in fact kept her from her real mother and I had to return her to her biological mother. That same man sent people after me to attack me later and forced me to fear for my life. I still do.

I now understand that I was dealing with a psychopath.

After that man was incarcerated I tried to rebuild and began a relationship with another man who later went to prison for a charge that he accepted for someone else basically. While he was incarcerated my best friend of over 20 year died of unknown and still unexplainable causes. Once the man that I was with came home I then suffered two miscarriages.

I am told by my physicians that the constant state of being in a heightened and frightened state caused post traumatic stress disorder which led to an anxiety disorder coupled with daily panic attacks and agoraphobia.

Due to my condition I lost my job and no longer have health insurance. I am unable to drive or leave my house 90% of the time. I have been hospitalized on several occasions in an attempt to control the anxiety and depression that seem to only be getting worse. I feel over medicated but still as if nothing is working.

My physicians have suggested a residential psychatric program that would last approximately 30-45 days to assist me in in getting a handle on these conditions and assist me in regaining control of my life. However these programs are all self pay even if I did have insurance and range from 40-60,000 for the complete care in a facilty that can handle both the medical and therapeutic side of psychiatric care.

There is simply no way that I can accomplish this, but I feel as if I am slipping away and I am scared that I will never come back.

I just want my life back. To be free from these nightmares, this panic, these fears and to not live my life on medications that due nothing but make me a zombie. I had a life and a plan, I was going somewhere, and now I can't even leave my house for weeks sometimes months at a time.

My parents have basically been placed in financial ruin to assist me during this time, and they can no longer assist me. I am scared beyond words, If I don't find a way to get help, to get better, I fear for what will happen to me, how I will live, pay bills, work, be a functinal member of society.

I feel that committing to a residential program as suggested is my only option left, my only option for survival. I am desperate and scared. But I don't know how to accomplish what seems to be the only hope.

Please Help, someone please throw me a rope, I am desperate, lost in a dark pit somewhere, I can't see out, there seems to be no way out......I need a rope.....Please help.

I don't like the word beg but I guess that is what it is. My pride is high and I hate asking for help but I don't know what else to do. I saw something on TV and decided to try this. Here goes!
I am a 39 year old with 3 children and a disabled husband. I have a lot of issues right now that I am trying to deal with and keep my family off the streets. I don't mind sharing my story if need be because honesty is the best policy. My husbands SSI is very low, as if he has not really worked and he is over 50. I have been trying to keep my head up and keep my bills paid. I work but my job is a PRN position because it was all I could get. I was making a fairly good pay until they decided our department needed cut backs and cut our hourly pay almost three dollars. I am trying so hard to finish school to be a LPN and then a RN. I have been trying to finish school since 1992. I know that if I can get my degree, I can provide for my family. So, I have bills up my butt and school is hard. Now, I am dealing with losing my financial aid because though I have a high enough GPA, my other cumulative average is below standard. I knew nothing about that. I was focusing on making sure my grades were good enough. My 14 year old daughter is pregnant and I can't even afford to begin buying baby things or think of how to save for it. My husband is so content with his little check until nothing else matters. My oldest daughter is in college with me trying to get her LPN but her hearts desire is to be an OB/GYN but they changed the required score level for the SAT and ACT and she registered one quarter to late to get in. Had she registered earlier, she could have gotten in the school she wants to attend but now she has to go to a local college and earn credits and then transfer, IF her grades are good enough. ON top of all that, my husband was just hit in the rear by another driver and our car was totaled and he was hurt. So, my only car, of which I was paying on still, is gone and I owe to much on it for the insurance to pay it off.
I feel overwhelmed, depressed and like I will never make it. I am working, attending school, and trying to write a book and do a gospel CD. Anything to try and bring in money to support my family. I really don't know what else to do.
I don't know if this works or not, but I am willing to try. I have felt so bad until at times I wanted to just end it all but I know that is not the example I want for my children. I want to see my grand daughter born and I want my children to finish school and do better than me, but also see me come out of my struggle. I keep telling them I am going to buy the house we live in, they keep laughing and even with that, the land lord is talking about putting it on the market because I can't come up with what I need to even start buying. I pray that God blesses my household and family. If someone does decide that my issues are worth helping, then I pray God bless you with an overflow for your blessing me. I don't know what else to say but thank you in advance. As embarrassed as I am, I can only pray this is real. If not, at least I got to vent and get it all of my chest. I had no one else to tell anyway.
Thank You!

My kid brother is a 29 year old who is dieing from End Stage Kidney Decease. His Dr said the following:
that he is terminal, he needs help and I need help to provide for him as he has no income and can not work. He has been staying with me since just before Christmas(about three months after he was diagnosed), He spends most of his day dealing with hospitals and the nights going to dialysis treatments then back home. he is applying for SSI and SSD but still no word as of yet. In the mean time I need help to purchase the medical equipment his doctors have required him to have at home, also we need clothing for him as the last 3 clothing banks I have gone to near our home have had nothing his size. His diet is a dialectic renal diet and I can no longer afford to provide foods that meet it's stringent standards with out help. He dose not qualify for pre-SSI as he has no children. We have tried everything and now must resort to begging for help. We need a bed, bedding, a Fridge, clothing, activities(Batman themed), food, a new kidney would be nice. The list goes on, Please help If you can I can provide letters from his DR as proof.
This has put a strain on all of us both physically and emotionally But I love my kid brother our parents are dead so we have no one to turn to.

Email me @ angelswings2@yahoo.com
Please put beg list in subject line

Melissa

My kid brother is a 29 year old who is dieing from End Stage Kidney Decease. His Dr said the following:
that he is terminal, he needs help and I need help to provide for him as he has no income and can not work. He has been staying with me since just before Christmas(about three months after he was diagnosed), He spends most of his day dealing with hospitals and the nights going to dialysis treatments then back home. he is applying for SSI and SSD but still no word as of yet. In the mean time I need help to purchase the medical equipment his doctors have required him to have at home, also we need clothing for him as the last 3 clothing banks I have gone to near our home have had nothing his size. His diet is a dialectic renal diet and I can no longer afford to provide foods that meet it's stringent standards with out help. He dose not qualify for pre-SSI as he has no children. We have tried everything and now must resort to begging for help. We need a bed, bedding, a Fridge, clothing, activities(Batman themed), food, a new kidney would be nice. The list goes on, Please help If you can I can provide letters from his DR as proof.
This has put a strain on all of us both physically and emotionally But I love my kid brother our parents are dead so we have no one to turn to.

Email me @ angelswings2@yahoo.com
Please put beg list in subject line

Melissa

My kid brother is a 29 year old who is dieing from End Stage Kidney Decease. His Dr said the following:
that he is terminal, he needs help and I need help to provide for him as he has no income and can not work. He has been staying with me since just before Christmas(about three months after he was diagnosed), He spends most of his day dealing with hospitals and the nights going to dialysis treatments then back home. he is applying for SSI and SSD but still no word as of yet. In the mean time I need help to purchase the medical equipment his doctors have required him to have at home, also we need clothing for him as the last 3 clothing banks I have gone to near our home have had nothing his size. His diet is a dialectic renal diet and I can no longer afford to provide foods that meet it's stringent standards with out help. He dose not qualify for pre-SSI as he has no children. We have tried everything and now must resort to begging for help. We need a bed, bedding, a Fridge, clothing, activities(Batman themed), food, a new kidney would be nice. The list goes on, Please help If you can I can provide letters from his DR as proof.
This has put a strain on all of us both physically and emotionally But I love my kid brother our parents are dead so we have no one to turn to.

Email me @ angelswings2@yahoo.com
Please put beg list in subject line

Melissa

I don't really know where to start without it sounding somewhat chat show like. I have no family as such none of whom actually talk with me. My grandparents pretty much raised me. My mother and both brothers left at a young age. Dad was an alcoholic due to his own loss and dealing with his own personal issues..a good man betrayed I guess. Either way I ended up living in hostels from the age of 12.. friends floors etc met a guy fell in''love'' or so I thought he was a drinker also I ended up pregnant alone and had a beautiful child who's now 10. I lost my world yet gained my own new world like we all do. Its been tough. Anyway I've had severe eating disorders from being a child which has been undealt with I need help' I'm in severe debts I'm struggling like crazy and my whole world is collapsing. I have noone. We are getting evicted in june we have food parcels kindly offered to us by the salvation army but we can't have anymore they've stopped all of our benefits which is going to an appeal also at the end of june. I can't get any kind of loan. And I cannot work due to mental health and very bad scholiosis. My son has been my rock throughout all of this I'm not a parasite on the community nor do I wish to be one I just need someone to offer me the opportunity to start laying down some kind of solid foundation to help become the person we all deserve to be. Please consider taking my hand for guidence? +e appreciate you taking you time to read this plea and also kindly wish any good karma from this back towards you good people or person three fold xxx

hi im not sure how promising this website is but i guess we shall see. first off im not begging for money but i please ask that you add me to your prayer because i could sure use it. here is my story: I am 24 years old i have been working full time since i was 16 and had my own place the day i turned 18 my mom raised 3 kids all alone so she taught me to be independent when i turned 20 i was diagnoosed with Crohns disease i only had few flare ups and for the most part stayed in remission as of april 4 2012 my world has been turned upside down not only am i not in remission anymore but my body is rejecting medication which is resulting in me losing my intestines and having a colostimy bag for the rest of my life but the hospital ran a ct scan on me when i was in the hospital for a 3 1/2 week stay and found one large lump and 4 small lumps in my left breast and a large mass on my left ovary, at this point they arent concerned about the mass on my ovary but the large lump on my breast doesnt look good at all. i am now deeply depressed and just asking for a prayer i am home from the hospital now but i cant pay my bills or afford my medication all my bills are now past due and i havnt had meds in 2 days i dont know what i will do next ive applied for medicaid and awaiting my approval my dr adviced me to apply for disability which i did but it is a 3-6 month process on top of all these health problems i have, now i have all these bills that i look at over and over everyday i have never not been able to pay my bills and not been able to buy food and now i have nothing im negative in my account because my car insurance gets directly taken out... sorry so long guess i just needed to vent even if you cant spare one dollar please all i ask is for a prayer i never thought at age 24 i will be dealing with this but like my mother used to tell me "god will not give you what you cant handle" so please just keep me in mind when saying a prayer

I'm a 27 year old mother of two dealing with bipolar disorder and anxiety has kept me from working for years. My man was recently incarcerated, leaving me alone to raise our daughter with no income. Rent was due four days ago, the light bill soon. My son has been stuck in Australia for the last 3 years due to a passport issue and it's killing me that I can't afford to bring him home. I've been looking for help everywhere only to be turned down for lack of funding in my rural area. I found this site while searching for ways to make money online. If this is legit, please help us.

Vinnie is nearly 5 years old. He has fragile X syndrome a genetic disorder that presents like autism but is far far worse with retardation. He is trapped in his own body unable to communicate with us and gets so frustrated he bites his hands, they are scarred and bleed alot.

My sister and I (who have the fragile x gene and are affected in ways other than mentally) desperately want and need to go to the Fragile X International conference in Miami in July this year. But we live in New Zealand and it is going to cost about 16 grand to get there. They are doing workshops on the latest techniques to get through to kids like Vinnie.

Our mother has dementia and this will be the last time my sister will be able to leave her as she deteriorates, I have custody of my disabled sister and this year have someone who will look after her while I am gone... We so need to understand this horrible disorder that has so changed our lives.

We will be among only a handful of people from our country going and we will be teaching other families who are dealing with Fragile X the methods we learn when we return.

Please help us, we are fundraising as much as we can and selling off everything that we can but it is not enough as all our money goes to helping Vinnie and mum and my sister.

Thanks for reading this

I moved in with my girlfriend 2 months ago. I left Boston to come be with her in NYC. My work had run dry until April. She had just been evicted from her apartment by a slumlord landlord who stole her belongings. We were living from paycheck to paycheck. Supporting each other as best we could. We didn't have enough money to get an apartment of our own, so we got a one month sublet, which ended up being a nightmare-living in a closet with our 2 cats, and dealing with the scum of the earth roommates who made us feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, and awful. During that first Monty, we spent our savings just living. We both work in the creative fields, myself a musician, an she an actress. Work was spotty at best. We borrowed money from friends and family, feeling terrible about ourselves every time. Mid-month, I decided to file for unemployment. (something i had never thought I'd ever do)
The money we were expecting from that would have paid her union dues, giving her a pay bump by about 400%. This would have enabled us to not only survive, but get on our feet and pay back our friends/family. About a week and a half after filing, my boss calls me and tells me I can't file, or he'll go out of business due to the fact he's never paid insurance on his employees. He convinced me he'd cover my unemployment pay (totaling $4,343) if I agreed to recind my claim, thus saving him tens of thousands of dollars in back-taxes. I agreed. As soon as I'd done that- he tells me his lawyer advised him not to do that, and that he never agreed to that in the first place.
I have now been playing phone tag with my unemployment agent for weeks trying to restart the claim, and have the state go after him for the money he owes them.
Meanwhile, at the end of January, we had to move again. We couldn't find a place in time, and ended up staying in a motel in Stamford for a night while we made appointments to see a few places. We awoke to the front desk and housekeeping ladies banging on our door, telling us we have to leave or they'll call the cops. We are still fighting Hotwire.com for charging us for that.
Luckily, we found a place that night. The expenses of having to move though, totaled over $500. (rental car, motel, storage)
The apartment we are in now is shared with 4 other people. It's a two bedroom. There are 3 people sleeping in the living room. There are cockroaches. We once again have to move out, by March 7th. We have applied for foodstamps. (they have yet to be approved)
This time around, we have no money to move with. Our resources have been tapped. We are out of options. Work is still spotty, and we have borrowed from everyone we know.
We have a week to come up with rent, cell phone bills, and moving expenses. Nevermind money for food to ear everyday. (as I type this, we are preparing to go out and sell some things for food money)
I have never been this scared in my life. I doubt that writing this is going to make a difference, but I have to try everything.

If anyone reading this wants a specific number that would get us out of this- its $5,000. Here's the breakdown:
$1,000 rent. (not counting a deposit)
$1760 my girlfriends union dues (which means she makes enough to get us on our feet)
$175 storage fee
$250 cell phone bills (it's a month late, an we're on the same plan)
$130 car rental to get our stuff out of the apartment
$40 rental car gas (they charge $9 a gallon if you don't fill the tank when you return the vehicle)
$1,000 for food for the two of us and cats' supplies. (food,litter)
And the rest would be to pay back some of the people who've already been there for us helping us along the way.

Please. Please help. We are a young couple in love. Scared. Trapped. Out of options.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you will find it in your heart to consider helping us.

My husband was in a fatal accident on Dec 29th. He himself was not killed. A 41yr old mom and 16 yr old lost control of there car and slammed into the front of our truck which was are only vehical. It was paid off it was an older vehical but at least it was paid off. We are having a hard time dealing with the death of these girls and having a very hard time with catching up on bills. We both work full time Iam a cna and husband works in meat market. As of right now we are two monthes behind on rent and cant afford insurance on a financed car.I have 3 kids..two at home and two grandkids...I have been to the food banks and churches but I still need help with rent before we get evicted, I was tolod about this site and its my last hope please help us.

Hey everyone. I've been dealing with panic disorder and agoraphobia for about 10 years. I'm currently 28 years old and am almost finished with a bachelor's of science degree. It has taken me almost ten years to complete, but I refuse to give up. I live with my parents still and sell things on ebay, try to do daily jobs, and take classes either on campus or online. I do not have medical insurance and I really need to have my eyes checked, a doctor's check-up, a dental cleaning, and money for Sallie Mae bills. Food, gas, and hygiene money aside. I've pretty much run out of things to sell and my parents don't have enough money of their own to support me. I have applied for HIP but am still on the waiting list after two years. I think it's pertinent to mention that I apply for jobs daily online. I do not sit around and wait for hand-outs. A lot of the jobs I have managed to obtain, I lost due to panic attacks. If I need to "step out" for a few minutes to collect myself, the employer doesn't understand. It's very frustrating because I try repeatedly with the same results. I would love to be able to see a psychiatrist, but again, I cannot afford it. I belong to online self-help communities and try to give myself the best therapy I know how. I have potential -- I know I can offer a lot to people if I can just get out there. If anyone could help me out with any amount, I'd be unbelievably grateful. Not really sure where to go from here.

I'm a 31 year old male, oh and my 4 year old kitty. Life has not been easy but I always did my best to keep moving forward. From dealing with childhood abuse to climbing the corporate/social latter and falling.. I've always tried to "handle it" and do everything the right way, all on my own and helping everyone I could in anyway I could along the way.

I've worked very hard and instead of being out there in the world stealing or making babies I can't afford I got a good job, car, and bought my first home at age 20. I'm the kinda friend you know has his own issues and he don't wanna bum you out with them but you can say "Hey James, I can't make my rent, can I borrow this.." or "James my house burned down can I come live wit you?" or "my boyfriend is about to be deported can you buy his old car so we can afford the lawyers?" and my answers are as follows; How much you need?, how long Can you stay + here's $2000 come buy a co-op in my building I'll put in a good word for you, and will it pass inspection?? All this before I was even 25 and these people were older than me! Grown men coming up to my desk at work tell me "I'm hungry" or even just a simple "Feed me" while perched atop my cubicle like a starving pigeon and we'd laugh and joke and sure enough I would buy or bring in something good to eat. I'm the kind of friend that for your birthday from me your most likely to get something we saw in a store window months ago, just to surprise you and make you happy cause it was meaningful to you. Also very kind to those I don't know who seem to be in need, even when we didn't speak the same language, they were drunk and I didn't know if I was walking into trouble.

Somewhere between then and now my life has turned completely upside down. The weight of what I had previously survived (praise God) and what I am now going through don't balance anymore. I lost that home and car and job due to a disability and even though by now you must think me a generally upbeat, diligent, resourceful, praise his name in wrong or right soul I'm lost and I need to rebuild. My entire support system was slowly picked off by my family and close friends life circumstances. I hate telling people how it all happened because to me it sounds like I'm saying I'm cursed and horrible things just keep happening to me. I accept my responsibility for my end and do self checks constantly. Even when thrown into situations far beyond my years, or no one should expect and try to deal with careful thought, civility and grace.

The one last thing I had to hold on to, that was keeping me strong and helping me grow as a person was the love I thought I had but apparently I did not. Lying, fear, cheating, HIV, emotional abuse, sneakiness, poverty, hurt, uncertainty, finding out the person who was the love of your life gave him HIV on purpose but still didn't want him!, cancer and treatments, severely persistent and mental illnesses, self-centeredness, the loss of friends and family acting shady and all that was just my relationship with my EX! So of course me being me for the most part stowed my problems.. "as usual" even if it left me in a bad spot financially, emotionally or physically and I was there! Loving and Supportive even after I was almost attacked. It's a fine line between being a damn fool and doing the right thing, I know but now I'm all on my own. I'm on medicare but the co-pays and deductible are killing me, I can't stay where I am, I'm fat, unhappy and depressed but still thanking God for all the blessing, some time's I feel like asking for more would be an exercise in futility But I'm here. I recently learned that it's ok for me to ask for help. What I'm begging for is to please, please, say a prayer for one another and me! be good to one another and if you could please help me reach my $2,000 goal to a new begining of self sufficiency so I can stop being a broken person and go back to helping others, me and kitty would be forever in your debt and pray for you as well. Amen

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.
From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.

From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

I posted this "beg" shortly after New Years, and have posted under rent yesterday as well as I have found out I will lose our home if I don't pay asap. I am new to this and believe me, far from lazy, just very ill. I would happily repay anyone once I get my ssdi awarded or work off anything on my "good days" when I can move around. I was amazed when I got an email that a woman donated to me, and for that, I am forever grateful. I am just praying more people see this and find it in their hearts to help if they are able to. I just copied the original one and its as follows:

Some background:

I am a mother of three wonderful children. I was married to their father for ten years, unfortunately. as with too many these days, it did not work out. I do not regret our marriage, for it gave me three wonderful children who are all almost grown now. 21, 19, 16. When we were married, we both decided it best for me to stay home with the children and raise them within our family, although this is pretty rare these days. Once we divoced though, I could only find manual type (cashier, inventory, stock, etc) work as I was married straight out of high school and did not try to go back to work until they were all in school. I did not mind working sometimes three different jobs in order to have full time hours yet work around the kids school schedule, son's physical therapy and the usual "Mom" stuff. People kept saying go back to school, but I could not figure out how to work three jobs, be the full time mom and dad and add school. Unfortunately five years ago I started feeling ill, like the flu that never went away. I kept working through it, with my kids being older as much as I knew I needed to be there, I knew I needed to pay the rent/bills too, so I started working split shifts at the grocery store. I'd go in at 6 am until 2pm, come home, be here for after school and dinner, then rush back at six and work until 11 pm. All the while I was getting sicker. I was hospitalized three times during this period. Unfortunately no one seems to want to agree with whats wrong with me, I have heard several diagnosis over the years, but RA is the one and only proven ailment, although they feel I have an overlapping autoimmune disease. I have no insurance right now, and hoping to get the state insurance soon, but I have a feeling treatment is a long ways away.

I did not want to go the ssdi route until I had no other choice. Too bad that's not how the system works. I, for the last three years have been dealing with such pain and illness, a "real job" became out of the question, so I'd work here and there, whenever I could get work and be able to do it, as some days are a little better than others. Believe me, nothing is below me, I'm happy to scrub toilets, clean dog poo, I will do anything legal to make it, most days now though I feel so bad I can't do much .Well, I have finally reached that "I can't do stage", just yesterday my daughter had to get me out of bed as I could not move. Problem is, SSDI takes up to two years to get, which I didn't realize, so now due to my inane pride, I am absolutely stuck. I just know if I can get on top of the important bills, I will be able to continue as I have (fingers crossed) until the SSDI is accepted, which I did finally file for.

More important than anything else, I need to get some food in the house for my son. I truly don't care if I eat, as long as its enough to survive, which believe it or not is very little. However, I want my growing son to be able to eat when he's hungry and have good healthy choices along with the occasional treat. My 19 year old is very self sufficient and has moved into her own apartment and after taking college courses all through high school is on the right track. My 21 year old moved out when she graduated high school and she too finished college and is self sufficient. (she has now moved back in with her daughter) That's why I only mentioned my son. I have plenty of clothes I can donate as he grew so fast, many very nice, and also more than willing to repay any amount, just can't promise when.

Please, any help at all, anything, is greatly appreciated. Food is first and there is a very cheap store nearby where I can grocery shop. Bills are secondary right now, so believe me, every bit helps. Thanks for reading my story and giving your time and any help you may be able to handle.

Has your power been shut off? Do you qualify for utility assistance programs and still struggle to pay for your energy bill?

We are making an independent documentary about energy. One of the issues the documentary deals with is the rising cost of energy, and how those rising costs are making it difficult for people to pay their monthly energy bills.

We are looking for someone who has been struggling to pay their utility bills who would be interested in sharing their experience to put a face to this important issue that many Americans are dealing with today. In the wake of the economic downturn, rising energy costs were some of the leading factors that kept families from being able to pay their monthly bills.

My husband and I both have cerebral palsy and are dealing with chronic pain every day. He is working a retail job for little pay and I am unable to work due to my condition and pain. We are behind with bills and really struggling due to me not being able to work and our health expenses. I am hoping we can get back on our feet and I can try to work again once I get my pain back under control. If you are reading this and are able to help I ask you please do. It would bless us very much and I will bless someone else in need when I can. Much love, Angie.

Some background:

I am a mother of three wonderful children. I was married to their father for ten years, unfortunately. as with too many these days, it did not work out. I do not regret our marriage, for it gave me three wonderful children who are all almost grown now. 21, 19, 16. When we were married, we both decided it best for me to stay home with the children and raise them within our family, although this is pretty rare these days. Once we divoced though, I could only find manual type (cashier, inventory, stock, etc) work as I was married straight out of high school and did not try to go back to work until they were all in school. I did not mind working sometimes three different jobs in order to have full time hours yet work around the kids school schedule, son's physical therapy and the usual "Mom" stuff. People kept saying go back to school, but I could not digure out how to work three jobs, be the full time mom and dad and add school. Unfortunately five years ago I started feeling ill, like the flu that never went away. I kept working through it, with my kids being older as much as I knew I needed to be there, I knew I needed to pay the rent/bills too, so I started working split shifts at the grocery store. I'd go in at 6 am until 2pm, come home, be here for after school and dinner, then rush back at six and work until 11 pm. All the while I was getting sicker. I was hospitalized three times during this period. Undortunately no one seems to want to agree with whats wrong with me, I have heard several diagnosis over the years, but RA is the one and only proven ailment, although they feel I have an overlapping autoimmune disease. I have no insurance right now, and hoping to get the state insurance soon, but I have a feeling treatment is a long ways away.

I did not want to go the ssdi route until I had no other choice. Too bad that's not how the system works. I, for the last three years have been dealing with such pain and illness, a "real job" became out of the question, so I'd work here and there, whenever I could get work and be able to do it, as some days are a little better than others. Believe me, nothing is below me, I'm happy to scrub toilets, clean dog poo, I will do anything legal to make it, most days now though I feel so bad I can't do much .Well, I have finally reached that "I can't do stage", just yesterday my daughter had to get me out of bed as I could not move. Problem is, SSDI takes up to two years to get, which I didn't realize, so now due to my inane pride, I am absolutely stuck. I just know if I can get on top of the important bills, I will be able to continue as I have (fingers crossed) until the SSDI is accepted, which I did finally file for.

More important than anything else, I need to get some food in the house for my son. I truly don't care if I eat, as long as its enough to survive, which believe it or not is very little. However, I want my growing son to be able to eat when he's hungry and have good healthy choices along with the occasional treat. My 19 year old is very self sufficient and has moved into her own apartment and after taking college courses all through high school is on the right track. My 21 year old moved out when she graduated high school and she too finished college and is self sufficient. That's why I only mentioned my son. I have plenty of clothes I can donate as he grew so fast, many very nice, and also more than willing to repay any amount, just can't promise when.

Please, any help at all, anything, is greatly appreciated. Food is dirst and there is a very cheap store nearby where I can grocery shop. Bills are secondary right now, so believe me, every bit helps. Thanks for reading my story and giving your time and any help you may be able to handle.

I am a single mom with a 15 year old daughter that just started highschool, I work full-time and have been at my job for over 9 years.I have been financially struggling the past several months, no child support. My daughter is very bright, she's in the band, ROTC, Drama,Debate Team, and taking all honor classes...I am so proud of her and she deserves more and I don't have it to give to her because I am so behind on my bills by pushing things forward because of car problems and making sure that she has what she NEEDS first, most of the time I get food from my brother or go to the grocery store and know I don't have it but we have to eat.I have not finish paying band fees (still owe $285),rent behind, utilities late (paying half each time I get paid, $200), the only way that I can have a few dollars is pushing something forward....well I can't push anymore....just praying that it will get better. I have been in a very, very, depressed mood, living off overdraft and feel like I'm working for nothing. I don't want to go anywhere but to work and run my daughter back and forth to practice. If I could get help paying my rent which is $550 it will help me a whole. I get paid twice a month and sometimes once, If I could get the rent caught up I could get all my other bills back on schedule as my pay periods fall.I also have issues at work which does not make dealing with things any easier. If I could catch my rent up it will clear my mind tremendously and I can focus more on my daughter mentally instead of how am i going to pay this or that.The most important thing is I have noticed how distant I have been with her and she needs me mentally and physically, I want to be able to smile and joke around with here again instead of taking everything so personal...inwhich later i apologize to her and it is okay. I would like to thank you in advance and would appreciate whatever help we can get! Once I get back on my feet I would love to help someone else out....I really feel the pain.

This story is about my 13 year old son, Alejandro Jr. I will not be writing about anything that is sad or depressing, but about something that is wonderful and cause to celebrate. I am writing to share that my son has been accepted into the Fork Union Military Academy, located outside of Richmond, Virginia.

Me and my family are excited about this huge opportunity for my son. The road to get there was not easy however, but God answered our prayers. Alejandro Jr. has always been a very active child with an even more active imagination. As a baby, me and my wife would hear him play all night and could never sit still. During his elementary school days, his teachers would always remark how intelligent he was, but could just never sit still or not be a distraction to his class. What could I say, that is the way he was born.

But he went through elementary school on the honor roll each and every year he was there all the way through 6th grade. He was ready to go into middle school. When he entered into the 7th grade, things changed. There was a lot of bad influence and it started to affect my son because he has always been so innocent. His grades suffered, but he still scored in the top 97% of students in the end of the year state testing.

8th grade fared no better. He wasn’t the same anymore. He didn’t go to a good middle school. Lots of gangs and rumor has it drug dealing was going on there as well. His teachers didn’t care about him because he wasn’t doing the work, but he would still score 100 % on his quizzes and tests. His school wasn’t any help either. My son wasn’t being challenged, he knew the material, but he was not going to thrive in that environment, it seems he was getting harassed by his teachers and staff.

We wanted to remove him from that school as we had been fed up with the school district for a while now. We looked to see if there was an environment where he would thrive. After much research, we heard about the Fork Union Military Academy, which is an all boys military school. We took a look and my son loved it. This fits right in with his goal of joining the United States Marine Corps after high school.

We have been blessed that financial aid has covered roughly half of the tuition, but we are still in need of the other half, which is $10,000, which is due in 5 months. I am asking for any generous donation(s) that one may feel the need to contribute too. If you find it in your heart to do so, me and my family could not thank you enough and if you decide not to do so, thank you for your patience in reading about my son’s story. I wish a Happy Christmas to all.

This story is about my 13 year old son, Alejandro Jr. I will not be writing about anything that is sad or depressing, but about something that is wonderful and cause to celebrate. I am writing to share that my son has been accepted into the Fork Union Military Academy, located outside of Richmond, Virginia.

Me and my family are excited about this huge opportunity for my son. The road to get there was not easy however, but God answered our prayers. Alejandro Jr. has always been a very active child with an even more active imagination. As a baby, me and my wife would hear him play all night and could never sit still. During his elementary school days, his teachers would always remark how intelligent he was, but could just never sit still or not be a distraction to his class. What could I say, that is the way he was born.

But he went through elementary school on the honor roll each and every year he was there all the way through 6th grade. He was ready to go into middle school. When he entered into the 7th grade, things changed. There was a lot of bad influence and it started to affect my son because he has always been so innocent. His grades suffered, but he still scored in the top 97% of students in the end of the year state testing.

8th grade fared no better. He wasn’t the same anymore. He didn’t go to a good middle school. Lots of gangs and rumor has it drug dealing was going on there as well. His teachers didn’t care about him because he wasn’t doing the work, but he would still score 100 % on his quizzes and tests. His school wasn’t any help either. My son wasn’t being challenged, he knew the material, but he was not going to thrive in that environment, it seems he was getting harassed by his teachers and staff.

We wanted to remove him from that school as we had been fed up with the school district for a while now. We looked to see if there was an environment where he would thrive. After much research, we heard about the Fork Union Military Academy, which is an all boys military school. We took a look and my son loved it. This fits right in with his goal of joining the United States Marine Corps after high school.

We have been blessed that financial aid has covered roughly half of the tuition, but we are still in need of the other half, which is $10,000, which is due in 5 months. I am asking for any generous donation(s) that one may feel the need to contribute too. If you find it in your heart to do so, me and my family could not thank you enough and if you decide not to do so, thank you for your patience in reading about my son’s story. I wish a Happy Christmas to all.

I honestly don't know if this will ever find anyone who may help but I'm being optimistic despite the odds. I honestly don't know how to truly explain my situation but to say that I've just been "stuck in a rut" for, let's be honest, over a decade. I don't regret my life, for I know that I've lived it the best way I knew how & with the limited resources that I had available. I also don't regret it because my experiences have made me the person that I am today. I have done everything possible to make sure that my family is safe & healthy. Ultimately, they come first! However all I can say is that I've just been wrapped up in so many unfortunate circumstances that have had many factors that were out of my control, that basically one can conclude that I'm just NOT a lucky person!

Here's some history: Basically when I started college my family lost our home due to my mother's gambling problem. This lead to my father's infidelity which ultimately lead to their divorce (which both my parents made me decide if they were to separate or not). Several months later I found myself pregnant & kicked out of both my parents apartments. During that time I still tried to keep things together by working as many shifts as I could & by going to school during the day. It was hard because I was like a nomad, moving from one friend's house to another. At times I even slept in my car. But then there came a point where my pregnancy became too complicated and I ended up living in the hospital for 2 months before my child was born at 7.5 months. Due to his pre-maturity and the many complications that ensued I decided devoted my life to taking care of him. It worked to some point, where I was able to drop my 3 jobs and obtained a stable one. I was also able to obtain a certificate from university. However, when my father died. I felt the obligation to take on the responsibility of honoring his last wishes. In a sense it aided me to find a type of closure yet in another way it had opened Pandora's box. It was not easy grieving and dealing with my father's side of the family, my mother's side & to add more, my father's girlfriend's side. The funeral, the back taxes owed by my father, my husband loosing his job & my son constantly getting sick... All expenses were on me. To add more "injury" within the span of 9 months I was in a total car wreck, I gave birth to my second child & then I was in a horseback riding accident, that almost paralyzed me. Honestly, what are the chances of going horseback riding for the first time, loosing control & getting thrown off?!

I've really tried my best to deal with things one day at a time & also do it with a smile. But now I find myself dealing with arthritis, kidney problems, crazy medical fees, no job (since the company closed), and bills now reaching almost $60,000. Even as I look at that number now, I honestly feel a sense of nausea...

The only thing I do know is that, I still have a lot in me to give and I've tried, despite it all, to give it back by going back to school to become a licensed nursing practitioner. It may sound crazy & it comes at a very inopportune time (considering that I'm drowning in debt!) but by doing this course, it helps me in so many ways. It calms me... It gives me a sense of purpose, knowing that I may alleviate a person's pain, even in the slightest, which in turn somewhat alleviates mine as well. It also gives me confidence knowing that all the teachers that I have encountered during this course say that they believe in me, in my determination & in my will power to survive & conquer.

So ultimately, I'm asking you this... For your help, to help me help others. Even if you could spare $1.00. One small step, is still a step forward for me. And like I said in the title, despite all the things that I've gone through, I'm still optimistic & I still have a little fight left in me. So please help me fight!

My name is RJ Brown,I have had back surgery at the age of 42yrs old.This has taken a mighty grip on my family. I have always worked and still today I do. I had to settle for less paying job in order to keep some income coming in my apartment. My wife and I have never owned a home we have lived in diferent apts for twenty one years.Nonetheless we have never been evicted before.
My doctor bills from my back surgery has caused great strain on my family to the point of eviction.Could someone please find it in your heart to assist us with this burden. I have worked since the age of twelve yrs old and this would be the first time in years I have fallen short.I cant bare the thought of being behind and having collection agents constantly calling.
I have no answer for this situation.My wife is having an even more difficut time dealing with this and I dont want to loose her after twenty one years of marriage.
My daughter is a freshman who plays basketball for her school and was recently asked to be apart of the varsity team. She is a trooper straight A student.Please help me get rid of these doctor bills so that I can continue to assist her as she grows into a beautiful women.

Sincerly,
ReG bROWN

This is a sincere and genuine offer to struggling single moms. I have decided to help 5 single moms out there to give their kid(s) a Christmas that they wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. I am specifically looking to help single moms of any race or age who are in the most need, desperate, homeless or about to be, immigration issues, etc. I am not offering to solve all your problems but if you can convince me that you are for real and truly need help, then I may offer you some $$ to get what you need.

I hate to start such a positive offer out with a negative comment, but I want to get this out of the way: I will not help fakers and scammers. How will I know? Because you're going to have to do a little work to prove you are for real (not much I promise).

If you are serious about wanting help, email me at EastCoastSanta@gmail.com and include the following:

1. Tell me a little about your family and your situation, why are things so desperate. I'll warn you right now, lazy college kids looking for drinking money will be ignored. This offer is for people who NEED IT.
2. What city are you in?
3. How much money or other help you think you need, please be honest but reasonable.
4. Finally, if you are for real I want a picture of you, with at least one of your kid(s) dressed in Christmas colors (red and green) holding a note saying "Hello Santa!". Yes this is bizarre, but it will give me some little reassurance that I'm dealing with real people and not likely some fraud.

You may ask how safe is it to deal with me?

1. I'm not going to ask you for any money or bank info (friendly advice by the way, don't ever send anyone money or account information, they don't need that to send you money).

2. If you don't like the thought of doing a picture, it's easy, don't reply to this offer. I understand the concern but unfortunately a few rotten apples ruined this offer last year and now I ask for proof before giving.

Please note, I can't help everyone who requests it, much as I wish I could. but I will make a decision based on each situation and help as many as I can.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, and whether I can help or not, I truly hope things improve for you this next year.