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I am faced with an impossible request I think. 3 years ago I was a strong, confident woman, 13 credit hours away from a BS in Biology with plan of going to graduate school. I was in an extremely abusive relationship with a man that I had to assist authorities in putting in prison. The same man left his daughter in my custody under the pretenses that her mother had abandoned her. I cared for her for two years as the only mother she knew before I found out that he had in fact kept her from her real mother and I had to return her to her biological mother. That same man sent people after me to attack me later and forced me to fear for my life. I still do.

I now understand that I was dealing with a psychopath.

After that man was incarcerated I tried to rebuild and began a relationship with another man who later went to prison for a charge that he accepted for someone else basically. While he was incarcerated my best friend of over 20 year died of unknown and still unexplainable causes. Once the man that I was with came home I then suffered two miscarriages.

I am told by my physicians that the constant state of being in a heightened and frightened state caused post traumatic stress disorder which led to an anxiety disorder coupled with daily panic attacks and agoraphobia.

Due to my condition I lost my job and no longer have health insurance. I am unable to drive or leave my house 90% of the time. I have been hospitalized on several occasions in an attempt to control the anxiety and depression that seem to only be getting worse. I feel over medicated but still as if nothing is working.

My physicians have suggested a residential psychatric program that would last approximately 30-45 days to assist me in in getting a handle on these conditions and assist me in regaining control of my life. However these programs are all self pay even if I did have insurance and range from 40-60,000 for the complete care in a facilty that can handle both the medical and therapeutic side of psychiatric care.

There is simply no way that I can accomplish this, but I feel as if I am slipping away and I am scared that I will never come back.

I just want my life back. To be free from these nightmares, this panic, these fears and to not live my life on medications that due nothing but make me a zombie. I had a life and a plan, I was going somewhere, and now I can't even leave my house for weeks sometimes months at a time.

My parents have basically been placed in financial ruin to assist me during this time, and they can no longer assist me. I am scared beyond words, If I don't find a way to get help, to get better, I fear for what will happen to me, how I will live, pay bills, work, be a functinal member of society.

I feel that committing to a residential program as suggested is my only option left, my only option for survival. I am desperate and scared. But I don't know how to accomplish what seems to be the only hope.

Please Help, someone please throw me a rope, I am desperate, lost in a dark pit somewhere, I can't see out, there seems to be no way out......I need a rope.....Please help.

I need prayer and help.
All was well just a year ago. I had a good paying job, a beginning side business, and a blessed life. I left my job to move 2000 miles so my wife and I could care for her mother. I used my savings to rent a home for us and paid months in advance to cover us while I looked for work.
I have been unable to find work, my mother-in-law passed, my wife was diagnosed with cancer and we no longer had good health coverage, and my savings ran out. My small side business can only provide enough to cover the basics and since there is nothing left over, it cannot grow. We are 3-4 months behind our bills and all are getting impatient. The medical care my wife needs is about to end if I can’t make a payment in the next few days.
I am a disabled veteran of Desert Storm and am limited with some of the work I can find. It has been a struggle to try to stay positive and hopeful this past year. The same banks offering loans when times were good are denying any assistance now that times are bad. I pray daily for a change.
As I started in this letter, I need prayer and help.
I know God hears me and has a plan for me and even in our circumstances, I never doubt His love for me. I just need more voices to reach out and let Him know I need Him more than ever at this moment.
Thank you.

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I haven't suffered any type of hardship that would warrant help. This is strictly an experiment in philanthropy to see how generous people are, and how long it will take to reach a set amount. I am asking everyone who reads this to donate. The amount is up to you, but I am asking for a minimum of $1.00. The goal is to see how long it will take to reach one billion. The total will be updated daily. Donations as of 05/16/2012: $0.00

I never really had any monetary problems until now. Over the years I have helped my family & friends until I have gotten myself into a hole that I can't seem to get out of. I used my income to provide help to others and used credit cards to pay for my own daily expenses which was a very foolish thing to do. I am currently taking care of a disabled aunt and am unable to pay bills AND buy food. I owe a total of $16,000 to credit card companies and am working with a a credit counseling agency to consolidate these bills into one monthly payment. Until I can get this situation under control ANY help at all is appreciated. Thank you and God Bless.

Have been a great nurse for 36 years, now unemployed and have not found a job. Certainly did not think the job problem would affect nursing. I know God has a plan for me, and hope for a sign/guidance soon. My savings are almost gone to pay bills/mortgage. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed in many ways. Am trying not to worry, but have no health insurance, all my savings will be gone in a month and I don't know what to do. Am trying to be positive, since being out of work allows me to help my future mother in law (she is 94)My fiance and I are trying to keep feeding a colony of cats, some ferel, but some have become very loving and they all look forward to our daily visits, and the food we bring. Any help would be so appreciated. Hopefully I will be able to get work soon and be able to help others.

Last night, I found out that I may lose a huge chunk of my already very low income. I'm very frightened.

My worst fear on this earth is being homeless. I am already very much physically alone--in the sense of the only daily companionship I have is my three cats.

I am really, really scared. In the last year and a half, I've lost, my educational future, three jobs, my home, my flat...I was just getting back on my feet and now am told I owe a huge sum to the govenment because they made a big foul up on my paperwork.

I so want to be dead, it's not funny. I am NOT committing suicide--but that said, I would give anything to be dead. To me, it would be like winning the lottery. Life is far worse than death, as far as I can see.

I would very literally rather be dead than homeless.

When you're poor, or alone, or mentally ill---people treat you like dirt--like you've no value, whatsoever.

But, when you're homeless--in most American's eyes---you cease to exisit altogether. I would rather be dead. I really would. I'm really, really scared. I could use a hug right now--not a "virtual" hug, but a real one--oh, how I would love to hear the words, "everything will be alright." But it's not, and there's no one there. I'm just so scared and lost and lonely. I wish I were dead.

If I don`t get some help with some money for food , bills and just daily living to help me get back up on my feet I`m so scared for my family and I & everything I fought for for years will be for nothing . I am down to some days choosing breakfast lunch or dinner or a roll of toilet paper or gas in my car to get my children to school and am I going to have enough to get them back home . Things have got that bad . Look , I have tried my very best all I have ever wanted was a home . I and had my first child at 16 . I am still married to the same man today. We went on to have 4 children . My last two are still at home they both were born with disability`s . We always loved them and taken care of them . My husband always worked was a great worker and provider until 12 years ago when he was in a near fatal wreck and ran off a mountain in Georgia . He tried to go back but , couldn`t After years of many , many hospital stays and therapy 7 years ago he was well enough to stay with the 2 children for me to go to work full time only 3 years ago Surprise . I had to have emergency open heart surgery with another surgery 1 month later then a lung collapse soon after that . I did go back to work but , everything went down hill after that . I kept fighting and struggling until I had to give up in Jan 2012 . I `m waiting to see if I can get approved for my long term disability that I have paid in these 7 years but they say it may be July IF they carry me . So right now I`m in dire straights . I have done all this on my own . I DON`T KNOW THAT THINGS CAN GET WORSE . But , I never know anything from day to day . I never in a million years thought I would have to ask anyone for help much less online . I`m a private person and I feel embarrassed to have to do this but , a lot of times in your life you have to humble yourself . I thought about it and I saw and read about George Zimmerman we all know who that is he gets to kill someone a kid shoot them in the back not get arrested then set up a sight and get over 200,000 and when they do arrest him claim he has zero money . You know something is wrong with this picture . The parents of the child should get that but , that's not my call. because I need to understand just like me people did open their hearts and even thought people like him needed help .I`m not the one to judge . I just need to get out of a hole . I just need some compassion . I need to be able to get ahead and really be able to go and buy shampoo , soap , soap powders , food , gas , and pay some bills and get what is necessary to be able to continue to live a regular just a simple life and my children or husband won`t have to suffer or worry until I can get my long term disability started .
Thank you for reading my story and Thank you for any little gift you may be able to give . If you can`t give I understand to I know times are really , really hard . But , would you maybe say a little prayer for us ?
Thanks & Bless you .

I have several outstanding medical bills which have not only seriously affected my credit but just make me feel badly, nervous & ashamed they aren't paid yet. One of the biggest is for $200 for a replacement motorized scooter I needed in 2009. My Medicare paid all except this amount & I have been unable to pay it at all. Shortly after this replacement scooter was ordered I was in a head-on collision that set me back medically so severely I am still recovering. My medical needs tripled as did my monthly costs. I have been physically disabled since early childhood & I am in my early 50s now. Because I am on disability, thus a limited income, I am always struggling to meet my bills & have exhausted all my former resources. I am trusting God daily for my needs, but I don't know at this point how to pay many unpaid, overdue bills with nothing in the bank.

Thank you for taking time to read my post. I never knew about this site & came across it by chance & I am taking the chance the lucky penny I found today is a sign help is on the way.

I am 57 yrs old and retired on disability. My roommate moved out and now I am stuck with everything. The electric company has informed me that I now need to switch the bill into my name BUT they are requiring a payment of $976.24 to do so; this includes a past due amount and a security deposit. I do not have this kind of cash on hand. My due date is 5/21/12 or the service here will be disconnected.
I am desperate. I have never been in a situation such as this before. I have numerous ailments and require electricity in order to take my daily breathing treatments. I have diabetes, severe asthma, fibromyalgia, arthtitis, and severe high blood pressure. No, I do not smoke, drink or use drugs. I don't even have a cell phone.
Any help you can offer would be very appreciated. Asking for financial help is the most difficult thing I have ever done.

A fire was caused by a kerosene heater, and I lost everything I had. All personal things like clothes, shoes and food are given here at places I can go to. Good thing is with the 15% burn on my arm, I am receiving Section-8 housing. just need a little to help stock up non-food daily items. There is also the medical bills. The VA paid the majority, because the one here could not accomodate for 2nd and 3d degree burns. Anyway...this is a shot in the dark for me. All will be appreciated, ever so much.

I am desperate to work! I will scrub your floors pull your weeds ANYTHING!!!! I can cook too...... I check my email daily at palm bch county library @ 9am I AM AN AMERICAN BORN AND RAISED HERE!!!! WHY R MY KIDS GOING HUNGRY??? U CAN COME HERE FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY GET POLITICAL ASYLUM AND FOOD/SHELTER?? IM LIVING IN A TENT WITH MY KIDS!!!! WOW IM ANGRY AND STARVING!!!!

I have worked steady for the last 15 years of my life. We all know that the ecomomy is still under water as we speak, i don't believe everything we hear about work picking up and the job market is doing better that it was 1 yr ago . Well i have been off work for about little over 2 yrs ....i have been to at least 20 interviews in the last months and no luck .....It seems that everyone is looking for a Diamond ... I have done some research on people going to interviews and results were the same as mine (I guess were just unlucky at this point in time due to the (ECONOMY).....I still go out and look for work daily ....Now i am in a boat that starting to sink .... I might be able to make my house payment this month and pay a bill ....after this who knows ... Lets Pray for the unfortunate one's.

I just got released from the hospital this week after having been there for a week. I also have a condition called pyoderma gangrenasum which causes debilitating ulcers on my legs. I went in to have a doc see my ulcer because it had gotten to the point where it was painful to walk. They took blood tests and found a slew of other things wrong. They found that I was Anemic, low Vitamin D right off the bat. Upon further tests including colonoscopy, CT scan, Enema and more they found a blockage and a small hole in my colon so I was admitting and pumped with medication. I started feeling better and after a week they finally let me go home. I am still on multiple medications and am struggling with getting things back to normal. My Crohn's disease has made my life a living hell at times. Some days I can't eat without pain, I suffer from arthritis like symptoms that make it painful to walk, it wakes me up at night so I have difficulty sleeping and now on top of that I have become moody and depressed. I am unable to work and have no income. I am in the process of retrying to get disability after being denied because I am only in my 30s and they think I can still work. Stress makes my condition worse and I cant help but be stressed every day. I get very little relief. I have a wonderful fiance who has been struggling to pay for all of our living expenses on his own and it is making his life dramatically harder as well. I need help. I am asking for your grace and kindness right now. It is increasingly difficult to be able to afford just daily items such as soap and shampoo, not to mention medications because I am unable to afford insurance. Please if there is any amount you can give, it would be wholeheartedly appreciated. I am in dire straights right now.. Thank you for taking the time out to read this..

Hi there,

I'm a 26 year old working 33 hours a week at a 12/hr job. I'm desperately trying to find a second job on a daily basis, but so far I haven't been able to land one. I'm struggling so much with overwhelming student loans and credit card debt. Can someone please donate to help me be able to breathe!! Thank you for your time :(

I am looking for donations to help me attend college. I live in Alaska and the only schools around are the Universities, which are kind of expensive even with financial aid. I will be the first in my family to attend college, so I am very excited. My family is very poor, so they can not help me pay for such education. I am going into college for my Registered Nursing degree so that I can help people daily for the rest of my life. Every little bit helps and thank you for reading

Hi, I hope some kind people around the world to donate to me help me pay bills and my daily survival. My mother is sick and my father is dead. I need to survive.

In November of 2011, I had a pulmonary embolism. After getting off Coumadin in March, I was still extremely sick. Doctors cannot seem to find the issue. Lupus, autoimmune and cancer were what they thought it was but blood tests ruled that out. Now it looks like endometriosis. I am on the verge of losing my job, only working a day a week. I cannot take a leave of absence because I need some sort of income for bills and gas to get me to and from college classes. I have a 6 yr old son that I take to school daily as well. I am NOT asking for cash, and I really do hate to do this, but we are in great need of non-food necessities (toilet paper, laundry detergent, dishwasher soap, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, etc.) I am trying to sell my possessions on ebay for extra cash but it isn't going so well. Thank you for your interest.

My Address is:
Nicole Branham
860 Northmeadow Dr.
Gaylord, MI 49735

email: nicolembranham@aol.com

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My family and I recently moved to a new town to help out our friends. Well, our so called friends decided to move away so now we are stuck in a small town where we know well, nobody. We have been struggling financially since we married in 2010. Here's a little back story.
I met my wife 3 years ago and we finally got together January of 2010. My mother was kind enough to let us stay with her. Well, February of 2010 we found out she was pregnant. We got married in July of 2010, had our son in October of 2010 and still resided with my mother. I had a job but lost it and then my wife found a job to help with expenses. Come August of 2011, my wife had lost her job due to medical reasons and we were forced to move out. No one would help us, not family, nor friends, until one day a childhood friend contacted me and was in the same situation so we lived at a campsite for the same amount of time helping each other out. They then got the luck to find an apartment to move into and the landlords luckily let us stay. Come November of 2011 the other apartment became available and we were able to move in with help from our state.
Currently we still live in that place but we are stuggling bad. We found out in December we are exspecting another child in August of 2012. We are doing what we can to find work, I am working on starting my own buisness but it is hard with all our funds going for food and gas in the vehicle. We are behind on bills due to this also and finding work is such a struggle. This is a last resort type thing because quite frankly I am not even sure if its legit. I am just that desperate to find someone to help us. Its hard waking up everyday not knowing if we will have enough food or diapers to get us through the week. My wife prays daily and she is starting to lose faith. I just want the best for my family. If you could help that would be a blessing.
Thank you and God bless.

My daughter and I are in need of finding a place of our own. These past couple months have been extremely hard because of the death of my mother. We were all living together and my mom was splitting the rent with me and I was working to take care of her. She was sick with Cancer and she had the operation and we all thought she was going to be okay. She did not recover like we expected and she ended up going in a Rehabilitation Center and we visited her often until she came home. I am the youngest of her children. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we are called the Berry 5. We were allways known as the Berry Family from the time we were little. My mom started to do better and we were so happy to have her home. It came time for her to Start Chemotherapy and Radiation. She was scared but I and my sister talked her into it because we knew the doctors had told us that she needed it because the cancer had spread to her lymp nodes and when they did the surgery they were not able to get everything. My mom had done one week of Radiation and she went in for one session of Chemo. The same day she had Chemo she seemed fine and then 2 days later she was having fevers, throwing up and so extremely weak. I thought it was because of the Chemo because that is what was explained to us. My concern was she couldn't keep anything down. I needed to give her medication for her Diabetes and High Blood Pressure but everytime I gave her anything, it all came up and so I was so scared because her blood sugar was high and I didn't want it to get any higher. She began to complain of stomach pain and I thought it was another side effect of the Chemo. For a couple days of her vomiting and having diarrhea, I was able to get some fluids down her and it seemed to stay. Little by little we both thought she was doing better. Her strength was not there though, it was difficult for her to even get up to go to the bathroom. The following day she continued to vomit and I was scared so I told her she needed to go to the hospital, because I felt that they could help her more. They could give her medications through an IV and they could find out why she was so weak and everything. She was scared and did not want to go but I convinced her. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I tried to follow her but I had to pick up my 11 year old daughter from school. I did go and they would not let me go back right away. I told them my mom had been brought in and they told me she wasn't checked in yet. About 20 minutes passed and I went back up to the window and they told me they would see if the doctor would let me back there and they were saying my daughter couldn't come back there because she wasn't 14, I told them she is only 11 years old and I'm not leaving her in the waiting room with strangers and that she was coming back there with me. They finally let us in and we went back to see my mom. I couldn't believe they had her hooked up to so many machines and she was on morphine and so out of it. I walked up to her and I said Ma, I'm here and she turned and looked at me. She was happy to see me, but then she told me that they told her, they found blood in her stools. I told her it was probably just do to her Hemorrhoids. but she said they told her it was positive for something. I asked her for what and she didn't know. I began looking for the doctor so I could ask questions but he wasn't around and everyone I talked to told me the doctor would be in soon to go over my mom's condition. I stayed with my mom, just holding her hand, telling her I loved her and that she was going to be okay. They came in to take her to have an ultrasound and my daughter and I waited. The doctor finally came in and told me that my mom had an abcess in her stomach that had burst. I said what are you talking about? He said that she had a condition called peridonitis and that the abcess burst and was releasing all this poison inside her stomach and her blood pressure was dropping dramatically. He then told me it was too dangerous for them to operate at that time because her INR level to to high. My mom had been taking Cumadin for a blood clot that she previously had and the cumadin made her INR level extremely high and her blood was not clotting so they said if they did surgery, she would bleed out. They said they needed to correct it by giving her lots of blood products and they gave her all kinds of strong antibiotics and blood and plasma. They were pumping so much stuff into her, I didn't know what to do. Her blood pressure was like 85/60 and then like 76/40 and it was getting lower and lower. They had her hooked up to so many IVs and then they told me that she was the sickest person they had in the ER. So many doctors and interns and students and nurses overcrowded my mom's room. I called my sister and told her what was going on and she came down to be with me and my daughter. They told us they would do all they could for my mom but that it didn't look good. I began to pray, my mom had always taught me to pray and give things over to god. As the night went on, they decided to put an IV in my moms neck, they said it was more direct and if and when she went to surgery it would be better to have that in place. They made us leave the room and they had like 10 people in there with there machines and cameras and equipment to help guide them where to put the IV at. I had never gone through this before and I was so scared but I was keeping my faith. One doctor wanted to talk to me and my sister alone and I didn't want to hear him telling me anything negative. He asked us a lot of questions concerning my mom's health and history. He then told us that she was in acute renal failure and that her colon was damaged where the abcess bursts and fecal was being released into her abdomen. This is the last thing I wanted to hear. I asked him if they could fix it, he said they would do all they could but that their main focus was trying to bring her INR levels down because they were dangerously high. She was also anemic and that is why she was so weak, her blood level was extremely low. They were continuously giving her blood products, antibiotics and plasma. My sister decided to take my daughter home with her. I told her I would call her when I knew when they were going to do surgery. The surgeon had spoken to us and said that it was a good chance, and that operating was her only chance and once her blood level was corrected that they would go in and repair the damage. I felt some what relieved but as the night went on she was in a fight for her life. The main doctor working on my mom's case came and told me that her breathing was not getting any better and that he needed to put her to sleep so he could intubate her and put a breathing tube down her throat. He said it would be good to have anyways so that she would be ready when they went to surgery. There was nothing I could do except walk out of the room and wait. I continued to pray and wait and pray and wait. Hours went by and I would walk and peek inside the room and see my mom's blood pressure increasing some, this gave me hope but then the doctor would come and tell me it wasn't looking like she was improving and that we needed to prepare that she might not make it through the night. i couldn't believe what he was telling me. I called my sister and my brother and told them , they were praying as well. I didn't know who to listen to, one doctor is telling me it's hopeless and the surgeon is telling me it's a good chance she would be okay once taken to surgery. I sat in the hall because they wouldn't let me back in and they stayed with her at all times, monitoring her and giving her medicine and all the blood and stuff back to back. Then they came out in the hall and told me they were ready to take her to surgery. They said she might not hear you but you can still talk to her. I walked up to her lying there, so still and I told her how much I loved her and i told her to fight and that we would do it togther and that I would be here when she woke up and that I was not leaving her. The surgeon put me in the OR waiting room. I was all alone in there by myself. I waited and waited and only 20 mins went by and a security guard told me there was a cafe there and if I wanted to go grab a cup of coffee that I could. I went downstairs and got the coffee, as soon as I reached the OR floor I saw the surgeon standing there, he walked over to me and he said, I'm sorry but your mom's heart stopped during surgery and we revived her but then it stopped again and he said I don't we can get it back. My whole world just crumbled, I began screaming and crying and I fell to the floor. I was just askig God why. Why is this happening? This security lady came over to comfort me and began telling me how sorry she was and asked me if I had any family I could call. I called my sister and told her and she said she was on her way down. She lived in another city about 45 mins away. I was still on the ground just broken and this lady began to tell me that God would help me and give me the strength to go on. She asked me if I had any children, I told her I had a daughter, and she told me I needed to be strong for her. I wasn't trying to hear all that. My whole world was ripped right from under me. A couple of doctors and this lady helped me off the floor and the surgeon that came out , came out again and told me they would take me back to see her. They brought out a wheelchair and wheeled me back there and when they opened the door, my god I just saw them on top of her doing chest compressions and I was just screaming and then the surgeon is telling me I need to make a decision because everytime they do that, they are hurting her and he said, you don't want her to suffer anymore. I was just waiting on my sister4. I didn't want to make that call but I didn't want them pounding her chest in so I told them to stop. It killed in me inside. They wheeled me over to her and I just cried. My mom was only 60 years old and she had her whole life ahead of her and I don't understand why any of this happened. She was such a beautiful person and she had been a christian for 33 years. SHe loved the lord and she raised me and my siblings up in the church. I couldn't believe that she was gone because I had prayed and prayed and I just knew that God would spare her life. I lost my real father at the age of 16 and even then I didn't know him. I always had my mom and she remarried when I was 11 years old. She had been married for 19 years and my step father passed away in July of 2008. He was a sickly person and she took care of him and nursed him for all those years. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, he was on dialysis for kidney failure, he had a four by pass surgery and he was in and out of the hospitals for years. She suffered so much seeing him suffer and taking care of him, he took what little strength she had. But because he was her husband she did all she could to help him and she loved him so much. So now all remains is just me and my siblings. It's hard because my mom was my best friend. I can't remember a time when she wasn't around. We did everything together and we lived together for years and I took care of her. I wanted so bad for her to be okay and to make it through surgery, I had been taught for years about the love of Jesus and I couldn't understand what he chose to take her away from her children and grandchildren. We had a two bedroom apartment and she had her room and my daughter and I shared a room. After she died, I went home that morning with my sister and I stayed over there for the remainder of the day. The whole day was just hurting, crying and calling the rest of the family. I felt so bad because my youngest brother, say youngest because he is the youngest of my 3 brothers, even though they are all older than me. He came to the hospital to see my mom but he thought she was still alive and the doctors didn't tell him, they let him in the room and she was already covered up and he walked in and was like, it's over ?? he couldn't believe it , he just broke down. One of the nurses that was in the OR called my sister and he was crying, apologizing to us because he thought my brother already knew. He told us how sorry he was. Now my family is broken, my mom was the rock that held us all together. We didn't have money growing up, we didn't have a lot of the finer things in life but we had love. She loved us like no one could. She did it all for her children and most importantly she taught us about God. She lived her life for Jesus, she would pray on a regular basis, read her bible daily, go to church often as she could and when things looked hopeless she took them to god in prayer. She prayed not only for her children, grandchildren and siblings but for people all over the world, she would pray for all the countries and for the sick and homeless and anyone she could pray for. She gave over the years endlessly to Trinity Broadcasting Network, Feed the children, CBN, David Terrell Ministries, Boys Town, Children International, Food For All and to so many others. Month after month, year after year she was giving. She taught us how to give and there were times when we would just make food and take it to the park to give to the homeless, bottled water, sandwiches, noodles, chicken or whatever we could. She would never turn down a person needing help or asking for spare change, she would give freely. She would tell me all the time, it's better to give than to receive and that god would bless me. So I began giving as well, I would call and donate and try to help whenever I could. My mom was also a big giver to the goodwill. Over the years we gave so much, and everytime they would ask if we wanted a donation paper for a tax write off she would say no. she didn't want that, she was giving freely and she didn't want anything in return. That's who she was, she was the person who would mentor you and talk to you about Jesus and how over the years he brought her and our family through so many trials and tribulations. SHe praised god for everything, for the good times and the bad. She used to always tell me to be thankful and to praise god. Now there were times when i was suffering so much and I didn't want to praise god, I wanted god to help me and at the time it seemed like he wasn't. My mom was always there to tell me baby, hold on.. give your burdens over to the lord and he will help you and supply all your needs. I realized that he did just that. I remember when she had surgery for the cancer and she was wondering why god allowed her to come down with that. It was hard for her because her faith was shaken then. She couldn't believe after she was faithful to him for so many years that he would allow her to suffer so horribly and there my sister and I were telling her that she would be okay, that God loved her still and he had not forsaken her and that he would bring her through this. She was so discouraged at the time but we would not let up. She couldn't believe this was her children mentoring and encouragiing her as she had done for us over the years. She told me, she was happy and she felt relieved that her living and everything she had taught us was not in vain. She was thankful to God that we were listening to her and by example we followed her footsteps. She began to get better and we thought she would be okay. My mom was a pure Christian, she didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. She would make you turn the tv channel if you were watching something that cursed. She loved her cowboys though. Her favorites were Bonanza, The rifle man, High Chapparal, Wagon Train, The Virginian and so many others. She also loved the old shows, the clean shows, the original dennis the menace, columbo, family affair, petticoat junction, I married joan, hawai five o, the streets of san francisco, i spy, murder she wrote, in the heat of the night, matlock, the big vally, dr quinn, little house on the prairie, family ties, good times, 227, what's happening, the jeffersons, the brady bunch and so many others. Her favorite game shows were The price is right, deal or no deal, let's make a deal, the newlywed game, match game and who wants to be a millionaire. I loved spending time with my mom, she was someone I could always talk to and she would never judge me, she would tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. She taught me how to carry myself as a lady and she taught me how to stand up for myself and I owe her so much. I felt like I let her down that night she was in the hospital and I told her she would be okay and that I would be waiting for her when she woke up but she never woke up. I felt that made me a liar. I had been taking care of my mom for months and I was preparing her meals, giving her medications on schedule and was taking her to her appointments and running errands for her. My mom had been weak for so long because before she found out she had cancer she was bleeding perfusely having vaginal bleeding and they made her very anemic. Before surgery she had 4 transfusions and then after surgery she had 2 more. She never got all her strength back and after she had the first surgery, she was too weak that they sent her to Ballard Rehabilitation and they were working on getting her strength back and getting her up and walking. She did so much better when she was in there and when she came home, they sent out a home health nurse, a physcialy therapist and an occupational therapist. They began doing exercises with her and the physical therapist thought it would benefit my mom to have some help with getting around. So she ordered her an walker , the kind that had a seat on it, she ordered her a wheel chair, a raised toilet seat with the rails and a shower chair and shower bench. So when my mom started walking more better she was using her walker all the time, it was helping her because she had the support to keep her from falling and when she got tired , she could just sit down. I did all I could to take care of her, on a daily basis. She was not strong enough to shower herself, so I bought the shower hose and I began to shower her daily, dress her and do everything for her but I loved her so much and I didn't care what I had to do, she was my mom. There were days when she thought she was a burden to me and she would tell me, that I work to hard and that she was sorry she was not able to do things for herself and i would immediately tell her to stop talking like that. I would tell her, she was my mom, I loved her and wanted to look after her and that she wasn't a burden on me. That she took care of me when I was little and over the years and now it was my turn to take care of her. She told me a couple weeks before she passed away , you said, you really stood by your mom, when all the others went on their way. you stood by your mom. She said, I don't know what I would have done with out you. She said I don't know how I would have made it and she said god is really going to bless you and he will remember everything you did for your mother. She told me how special I was and now that she is gone , I remember everything she ever told me. It has been so hard, going through all her things and seeing all the cards and letters she gave me over the years. Everybody keeps telling me it will get better but I don't see that happening. I can't go one day without crying for missing her so much. I am grateful because she is not in any more pain but I am hurting so badly without her. I have a big sister but we have never been that close, she seems to want to spend more time with me now but nobody could ever feel that empty space inside my heart for my mother. I recently moved in with my brother and I want so desperately for me and my daughter to be able to get a place of our own. It costs so much to pay for first and last months rent and I have this old 1994 car that has been giving me so much trouble and I am barely scraping along , just trying to make it. I would appreciate any help I am given. If anyone can find it in their heart to help me and my daughter move out and get our own place or simply help us with the day to day necessities, it would be greatly appreciated.

My daughter and I are in need of finding a place of our own. These past couple months have been extremely hard because of the death of my mother. We were all living together and my mom was splitting the rent with me and I was working to take care of her. She was sick with Cancer and she had the operation and we all thought she was going to be okay. She did not recover like we expected and she ended up going in a Rehabilitation Center and we visited her often until she came home. I am the youngest of her children. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we are called the Berry 5. We were allways known as the Berry Family from the time we were little. My mom started to do better and we were so happy to have her home. It came time for her to Start Chemotherapy and Radiation. She was scared but I and my sister talked her into it because we knew the doctors had told us that she needed it because the cancer had spread to her lymp nodes and when they did the surgery they were not able to get everything. My mom had done one week of Radiation and she went in for one session of Chemo. The same day she had Chemo she seemed fine and then 2 days later she was having fevers, throwing up and so extremely weak. I thought it was because of the Chemo because that is what was explained to us. My concern was she couldn't keep anything down. I needed to give her medication for her Diabetes and High Blood Pressure but everytime I gave her anything, it all came up and so I was so scared because her blood sugar was high and I didn't want it to get any higher. She began to complain of stomach pain and I thought it was another side effect of the Chemo. For a couple days of her vomiting and having diarrhea, I was able to get some fluids down her and it seemed to stay. Little by little we both thought she was doing better. Her strength was not there though, it was difficult for her to even get up to go to the bathroom. The following day she continued to vomit and I was scared so I told her she needed to go to the hospital, because I felt that they could help her more. They could give her medications through an IV and they could find out why she was so weak and everything. She was scared and did not want to go but I convinced her. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I tried to follow her but I had to pick up my 11 year old daughter from school. I did go and they would not let me go back right away. I told them my mom had been brought in and they told me she wasn't checked in yet. About 20 minutes passed and I went back up to the window and they told me they would see if the doctor would let me back there and they were saying my daughter couldn't come back there because she wasn't 14, I told them she is only 11 years old and I'm not leaving her in the waiting room with strangers and that she was coming back there with me. They finally let us in and we went back to see my mom. I couldn't believe they had her hooked up to so many machines and she was on morphine and so out of it. I walked up to her and I said Ma, I'm here and she turned and looked at me. She was happy to see me, but then she told me that they told her, they found blood in her stools. I told her it was probably just do to her Hemorrhoids. but she said they told her it was positive for something. I asked her for what and she didn't know. I began looking for the doctor so I could ask questions but he wasn't around and everyone I talked to told me the doctor would be in soon to go over my mom's condition. I stayed with my mom, just holding her hand, telling her I loved her and that she was going to be okay. They came in to take her to have an ultrasound and my daughter and I waited. The doctor finally came in and told me that my mom had an abcess in her stomach that had burst. I said what are you talking about? He said that she had a condition called peridonitis and that the abcess burst and was releasing all this poison inside her stomach and her blood pressure was dropping dramatically. He then told me it was too dangerous for them to operate at that time because her INR level to to high. My mom had been taking Cumadin for a blood clot that she previously had and the cumadin made her INR level extremely high and her blood was not clotting so they said if they did surgery, she would bleed out. They said they needed to correct it by giving her lots of blood products and they gave her all kinds of strong antibiotics and blood and plasma. They were pumping so much stuff into her, I didn't know what to do. Her blood pressure was like 85/60 and then like 76/40 and it was getting lower and lower. They had her hooked up to so many IVs and then they told me that she was the sickest person they had in the ER. So many doctors and interns and students and nurses overcrowded my mom's room. I called my sister and told her what was going on and she came down to be with me and my daughter. They told us they would do all they could for my mom but that it didn't look good. I began to pray, my mom had always taught me to pray and give things over to god. As the night went on, they decided to put an IV in my moms neck, they said it was more direct and if and when she went to surgery it would be better to have that in place. They made us leave the room and they had like 10 people in there with there machines and cameras and equipment to help guide them where to put the IV at. I had never gone through this before and I was so scared but I was keeping my faith. One doctor wanted to talk to me and my sister alone and I didn't want to hear him telling me anything negative. He asked us a lot of questions concerning my mom's health and history. He then told us that she was in acute renal failure and that her colon was damaged where the abcess bursts and fecal was being released into her abdomen. This is the last thing I wanted to hear. I asked him if they could fix it, he said they would do all they could but that their main focus was trying to bring her INR levels down because they were dangerously high. She was also anemic and that is why she was so weak, her blood level was extremely low. They were continuously giving her blood products, antibiotics and plasma. My sister decided to take my daughter home with her. I told her I would call her when I knew when they were going to do surgery. The surgeon had spoken to us and said that it was a good chance, and that operating was her only chance and once her blood level was corrected that they would go in and repair the damage. I felt some what relieved but as the night went on she was in a fight for her life. The main doctor working on my mom's case came and told me that her breathing was not getting any better and that he needed to put her to sleep so he could intubate her and put a breathing tube down her throat. He said it would be good to have anyways so that she would be ready when they went to surgery. There was nothing I could do except walk out of the room and wait. I continued to pray and wait and pray and wait. Hours went by and I would walk and peek inside the room and see my mom's blood pressure increasing some, this gave me hope but then the doctor would come and tell me it wasn't looking like she was improving and that we needed to prepare that she might not make it through the night. i couldn't believe what he was telling me. I called my sister and my brother and told them , they were praying as well. I didn't know who to listen to, one doctor is telling me it's hopeless and the surgeon is telling me it's a good chance she would be okay once taken to surgery. I sat in the hall because they wouldn't let me back in and they stayed with her at all times, monitoring her and giving her medicine and all the blood and stuff back to back. Then they came out in the hall and told me they were ready to take her to surgery. They said she might not hear you but you can still talk to her. I walked up to her lying there, so still and I told her how much I loved her and i told her to fight and that we would do it togther and that I would be here when she woke up and that I was not leaving her. The surgeon put me in the OR waiting room. I was all alone in there by myself. I waited and waited and only 20 mins went by and a security guard told me there was a cafe there and if I wanted to go grab a cup of coffee that I could. I went downstairs and got the coffee, as soon as I reached the OR floor I saw the surgeon standing there, he walked over to me and he said, I'm sorry but your mom's heart stopped during surgery and we revived her but then it stopped again and he said I don't we can get it back. My whole world just crumbled, I began screaming and crying and I fell to the floor. I was just askig God why. Why is this happening? This security lady came over to comfort me and began telling me how sorry she was and asked me if I had any family I could call. I called my sister and told her and she said she was on her way down. She lived in another city about 45 mins away. I was still on the ground just broken and this lady began to tell me that God would help me and give me the strength to go on. She asked me if I had any children, I told her I had a daughter, and she told me I needed to be strong for her. I wasn't trying to hear all that. My whole world was ripped right from under me. A couple of doctors and this lady helped me off the floor and the surgeon that came out , came out again and told me they would take me back to see her. They brought out a wheelchair and wheeled me back there and when they opened the door, my god I just saw them on top of her doing chest compressions and I was just screaming and then the surgeon is telling me I need to make a decision because everytime they do that, they are hurting her and he said, you don't want her to suffer anymore. I was just waiting on my sister4. I didn't want to make that call but I didn't want them pounding her chest in so I told them to stop. It killed in me inside. They wheeled me over to her and I just cried. My mom was only 60 years old and she had her whole life ahead of her and I don't understand why any of this happened. She was such a beautiful person and she had been a christian for 33 years. SHe loved the lord and she raised me and my siblings up in the church. I couldn't believe that she was gone because I had prayed and prayed and I just knew that God would spare her life. I lost my real father at the age of 16 and even then I didn't know him. I always had my mom and she remarried when I was 11 years old. She had been married for 19 years and my step father passed away in July of 2008. He was a sickly person and she took care of him and nursed him for all those years. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, he was on dialysis for kidney failure, he had a four by pass surgery and he was in and out of the hospitals for years. She suffered so much seeing him suffer and taking care of him, he took what little strength she had. But because he was her husband she did all she could to help him and she loved him so much. So now all remains is just me and my siblings. It's hard because my mom was my best friend. I can't remember a time when she wasn't around. We did everything together and we lived together for years and I took care of her. I wanted so bad for her to be okay and to make it through surgery, I had been taught for years about the love of Jesus and I couldn't understand what he chose to take her away from her children and grandchildren. We had a two bedroom apartment and she had her room and my daughter and I shared a room. After she died, I went home that morning with my sister and I stayed over there for the remainder of the day. The whole day was just hurting, crying and calling the rest of the family. I felt so bad because my youngest brother, say youngest because he is the youngest of my 3 brothers, even though they are all older than me. He came to the hospital to see my mom but he thought she was still alive and the doctors didn't tell him, they let him in the room and she was already covered up and he walked in and was like, it's over ?? he couldn't believe it , he just broke down. One of the nurses that was in the OR called my sister and he was crying, apologizing to us because he thought my brother already knew. He told us how sorry he was. Now my family is broken, my mom was the rock that held us all together. We didn't have money growing up, we didn't have a lot of the finer things in life but we had love. She loved us like no one could. She did it all for her children and most importantly she taught us about God. She lived her life for Jesus, she would pray on a regular basis, read her bible daily, go to church often as she could and when things looked hopeless she took them to god in prayer. She prayed not only for her children, grandchildren and siblings but for people all over the world, she would pray for all the countries and for the sick and homeless and anyone she could pray for. She gave over the years endlessly to Trinity Broadcasting Network, Feed the children, CBN, David Terrell Ministries, Boys Town, Children International, Food For All and to so many others. Month after month, year after year she was giving. She taught us how to give and there were times when we would just make food and take it to the park to give to the homeless, bottled water, sandwiches, noodles, chicken or whatever we could. She would never turn down a person needing help or asking for spare change, she would give freely. She would tell me all the time, it's better to give than to receive and that god would bless me. So I began giving as well, I would call and donate and try to help whenever I could. My mom was also a big giver to the goodwill. Over the years we gave so much, and everytime they would ask if we wanted a donation paper for a tax write off she would say no. she didn't want that, she was giving freely and she didn't want anything in return. That's who she was, she was the person who would mentor you and talk to you about Jesus and how over the years he brought her and our family through so many trials and tribulations. SHe praised god for everything, for the good times and the bad. She used to always tell me to be thankful and to praise god. Now there were times when i was suffering so much and I didn't want to praise god, I wanted god to help me and at the time it seemed like he wasn't. My mom was always there to tell me baby, hold on.. give your burdens over to the lord and he will help you and supply all your needs. I realized that he did just that. I remember when she had surgery for the cancer and she was wondering why god allowed her to come down with that. It was hard for her because her faith was shaken then. She couldn't believe after she was faithful to him for so many years that he would allow her to suffer so horribly and there my sister and I were telling her that she would be okay, that God loved her still and he had not forsaken her and that he would bring her through this. She was so discouraged at the time but we would not let up. She couldn't believe this was her children mentoring and encouragiing her as she had done for us over the years. She told me, she was happy and she felt relieved that her living and everything she had taught us was not in vain. She was thankful to God that we were listening to her and by example we followed her footsteps. She began to get better and we thought she would be okay. My mom was a pure Christian, she didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. She would make you turn the tv channel if you were watching something that cursed. She loved her cowboys though. Her favorites were Bonanza, The rifle man, High Chapparal, Wagon Train, The Virginian and so many others. She also loved the old shows, the clean shows, the original dennis the menace, columbo, family affair, petticoat junction, I married joan, hawai five o, the streets of san francisco, i spy, murder she wrote, in the heat of the night, matlock, the big vally, dr quinn, little house on the prairie, family ties, good times, 227, what's happening, the jeffersons, the brady bunch and so many others. Her favorite game shows were The price is right, deal or no deal, let's make a deal, the newlywed game, match game and who wants to be a millionaire. I loved spending time with my mom, she was someone I could always talk to and she would never judge me, she would tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. She taught me how to carry myself as a lady and she taught me how to stand up for myself and I owe her so much. I felt like I let her down that night she was in the hospital and I told her she would be okay and that I would be waiting for her when she woke up but she never woke up. I felt that made me a liar. I had been taking care of my mom for months and I was preparing her meals, giving her medications on schedule and was taking her to her appointments and running errands for her. My mom had been weak for so long because before she found out she had cancer she was bleeding perfusely having vaginal bleeding and they made her very anemic. Before surgery she had 4 transfusions and then after surgery she had 2 more. She never got all her strength back and after she had the first surgery, she was too weak that they sent her to Ballard Rehabilitation and they were working on getting her strength back and getting her up and walking. She did so much better when she was in there and when she came home, they sent out a home health nurse, a physcialy therapist and an occupational therapist. They began doing exercises with her and the physical therapist thought it would benefit my mom to have some help with getting around. So she ordered her an walker , the kind that had a seat on it, she ordered her a wheel chair, a raised toilet seat with the rails and a shower chair and shower bench. So when my mom started walking more better she was using her walker all the time, it was helping her because she had the support to keep her from falling and when she got tired , she could just sit down. I did all I could to take care of her, on a daily basis. She was not strong enough to shower herself, so I bought the shower hose and I began to shower her daily, dress her and do everything for her but I loved her so much and I didn't care what I had to do, she was my mom. There were days when she thought she was a burden to me and she would tell me, that I work to hard and that she was sorry she was not able to do things for herself and i would immediately tell her to stop talking like that. I would tell her, she was my mom, I loved her and wanted to look after her and that she wasn't a burden on me. That she took care of me when I was little and over the years and now it was my turn to take care of her. She told me a couple weeks before she passed away , you said, you really stood by your mom, when all the others went on their way. you stood by your mom. She said, I don't know what I would have done with out you. She said I don't know how I would have made it and she said god is really going to bless you and he will remember everything you did for your mother. She told me how special I was and now that she is gone , I remember everything she ever told me. It has been so hard, going through all her things and seeing all the cards and letters she gave me over the years. Everybody keeps telling me it will get better but I don't see that happening. I can't go one day without crying for missing her so much. I am grateful because she is not in any more pain but I am hurting so badly without her. I have a big sister but we have never been that close, she seems to want to spend more time with me now but nobody could ever feel that empty space inside my heart for my mother. I recently moved in with my brother and I want so desperately for me and my daughter to be able to get a place of our own. It costs so much to pay for first and last months rent and I have this old 1994 car that has been giving me so much trouble and I am barely scraping along , just trying to make it. I would appreciate any help I am given. If anyone can find it in their heart to help me and my daughter move out and get our own place or simply help us with the day to day necessities, it would be greatly appreciated.

I have recently fell very behind on my bills while trying to pay for school. I have creditors calling daily and my bank account is well into the negative. I have no idea how this situation has spun out of control but it did and is a never ending cycle of stomach and heart aches. I have no where else to turn for help and I need the money badly. I need about $700.00 to get out of this deep hole. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

With Love,
Jennifer

Sitting here trying to think of how to start this "beg" my mind does a fast playback of the last 5 years which seems to find me sitting here trying to think of how to start this "beg".

To type it all out would be exhausting, depressing and most importantly, a total disregard of your time. I will try to keep this as short and to the point as possible.

Five years ago my stepfather and mother were forced out of the home they had rented for 15 years after the real estate market came to a halt. My stepfather had always been very successful in commercial real estate but unfortunately did not save or invest for the proverbial "Rainy Day".

Totally in the dark, my mom continued spending money on daily needs and wants unaware that the essentials such as utilities and rent were not being paid. After realizing that my stepfather had no monies coming in and facing eviction she called me asking if I could help out by loaning them enough money to pay back rent and past due utility bills. Yes, I realize what most of you are thinking and I wholeheartedly agree but I was assured that one of John's deals would be closing within the next couple of months at which time the money borrowed would be repaid.

Needless to say the deal fell through and my money has not been repaid and what started out as a $5,000 loan from credit cards has more than doubled when factoring in all of the payments I have made and continue to make plus the mounting interest charges. They are now in their seventies with health issues and living month to month on social security.

The reality is that I will never see my money and will probably be paying for a very long time. Some people I suppose would file a lawsuit which for me is simply out of the question for 2 reasons. (1.) I love my mom dearly and I try to look at it as payment for the years she spent raising, doctoring, feeding, clothing and housing me. The second reason is obvious. Blood cannot be extracted from a turnip.

I know that there are a lot of people in much worse shape than I am in right now and I am employed, however I am now 5 months behind on what is called an upside down mortgage which I am trying to hold onto at least until home values come back. I would be more than happy to sell it for what I owe but there are major repairs (the roof being top priority) which have to be made before I can even hope to sell.
My goal is to pay off the credit card debt and if Bank of America doesn't foreclose on my house I hope to make the need repairs so I can at least sell for what I owe and then rent a small affordable apartment or house. Please... Any help that you can give will be greatly appreciated. Thank You & God Bess!

Sitting here trying to think of how to start this "beg" my mind does a fast playback of the last 5 years which seems to find me sitting here trying to think of how to start this "beg". I will try to keep this as short and to the point as possible.

Five years ago my stepfather and mother were forced out of the home they had rented for 15 years after the real estate market came to a halt. My stepfather had always been very successful in commercial real estate but unfortunately did not save or invest for the proverbial "Rainy Day".

Totally in the dark, my mom continued spending money on daily needs and wants unaware that the essentials such as utilities and rent were not being paid. After realizing that my stepfather had no monies coming in and facing eviction she called me asking if I could help out by loaning them enough money to pay back rent and past due utility bills. Yes, I realize what most of you are thinking and I wholeheartedly agree but I was assured that one of John's deals would be closing within the next couple of months at which time the money borrowed would be repaid.

Needless to say the deal fell through and my money has not been repaid and what started out as a $5,000 loan from credit cards has more than doubled when factoring in all of the payments I have made and continue to make plus the mounting interest charges. They are now in their seventies with health issues and living month to month on social security.

The reality is that I will never see my money and will probably be paying for a very long time. Some people I suppose would file a lawsuit which for me is simply out of the question for 2 reasons. (1.) I love my mom dearly and I try to look at it as payment for the years she spent raising, doctoring, feeding, clothing and housing me. The second reason is obvious. Blood cannot be extracted from a turnip.

I know that there are a lot of people in much worse shape than I am in right now and I am employed, however I am now 5 months behind on what is called an upside down mortgage which I am trying to hold onto at least until home values come back. I would be more than happy to sell it for what I owe but there are major repairs (the roof being top priority) which have to be made before I can even hope to sell.
My goal is to pay off the credit card debt and replace my roof. Any help that you can give will be greatly appreciated. Thank You & God Bess!