Broken Tags

My name is Jason. I am a hardworking 28 year old married man with three wonderful children 7, 4, and 1 month old, and the best wife anyone could ever ask for. When I and my wife married we were “given” my parents’ home in NY along with the mortgage as a wedding present. My wife and I have spent the last three years renovating this home, dumping every single cent we had into its improvement. We both come from broken homes and both wanted something more than what we came from, and have managed to build a loving stress free environment for our family, and in a matter of a month my “family” (brother, mother and father) have managed to crush our dream out of selfishness and this, “the world owes me something” mentality they all seem to have.
I work full time and also do side jobs on weekends to make ends meet, my wife has been out of work on disability (she will return full time in the next 3 weeks) due to the birth of our son, which should be the happiest time of our life, and yet I get to go home and see my children upset wondering why there uncle is acting the way he is, I get to see my wife cry over the fact that we have been basically reminded that even though we pay the bill and we fix this home and have made it what it never was for me growing up an actual home, that it is not ours and we should have no say over what happens.
My brother who at one time made hundreds of thousands of dollars a year an selfish heartless drug addict, who even though has never treated me or my family with any respect I have always dropped what I am doing regardless of time or place to go “save him”, and by save usually picking his drug addict ass up and making sure he gets home, or dropping what I’m doing to take him to the hospital cause he is so sick from whatever he has taken this time. Now that brother has decided to move in with us, not ask, not offer to help, but blatantly tell me and my wife, “it’s not your house , I am not asking permission to stay here”, and my parents who told me this home was a “Wedding gift” seem to agree. They feel it’s okay for a drug addict to be living among children, that it’s okay that slowly one by one pieces of my wife’s jewelry are disappearing, or that since he came has literally taken over my infant sons nursery with his disgusting belongings that I found my wife sitting on the floor of the living room trying to feed the baby because he’s asleep on the sofa passed out cold and his belonging are strewn all over the house.
My only options are to buy this home that I and my wife have built a great life in so I can say who stays and goes, or to uproot my children and move as far from these selfish disgusting people as possible.
In order to purchase this home I would need a deposit upwards of 12000 which due to me draining my accounts my sons accounts and my wife’s to “save” my brother from jail, drug dealers, etc., we have nothing left. Which has led me here, led me to the point where I feel more dependent on asking strangers for help than my own family because they can’t even help themselves? I am the little brother (youngest of four) who has always had to be the big brother, I am the one one whose entire family drops there problems in my lap as if to say deal with it. I have been the pillar supporting every single family member I have for the last 28 years, the pillar has finally cracked and can’t hold up the weight of the world anymore. I am begging on my hands and knees for help from completer strangers so I can continue to give my children the life I never had, and offer them some stability instead of having to tear them from the home they have come to love, that my wife has come to love, that I love. I want to give my children the world but my family continues to assure that won’t happen under there watch. Please I beg of you with everything I am I need help. Please don’t make us just another statistic, I found my calling and made a life for my wife and children, I have put aside pride, because they are all that matters to me. Thank You for taking the time to read this and thank you for any support or help you can provide.

My family and I put our trust in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, when
tribulations and trials come I know God uses others to Bless those less
fortunate, but I just feel like..............
I CAN'T go on by myself anymore!!!!!... I feel like there is a lot on
me. My husband wanted to take his life, but I was able to encourage him
not to give up! My husband was let go on a job he loved, right before
his 90 day evaluation on April 3rd. It
took him 3.5 years to get a job, since both of our job losses in 2008.
I was a store manager at Sears and my husband was a warehouse manager
at Sears, we both made good money together, until our store closed. My
husband finally gets a real job, only to be let go from it for no
reason. My husband worked at temp places, but nothing permanent ever
happened. We thought since my husband was Blessed with this job in Jan
2012 that this would be the job, but it did not last(I still say it was
a Blessing whether it lasted or not.'..The Lord giveth and the Lord
taketh away)... we can't pay bills, get toiletries/necessities, things
for our girls, etc...The Lord must have something else in store for my
family:
Have been Blessed to get expedited food stamps, so now we can
eat...Praise God....Have three girls that have been through alot
their house taken in 2010 and had to move to a bad area, but Blessed to
have a home.
My husband said he did everything right...just don't understand? Girls
have no church clothes,
shoes, or enough underclothes, neither do I, but
I don't care about me...we were trying to get stuff for them gradually.
I'm hurt right now been praying and praying and asking for God's high
favor for my family. My husband is trying hard to find a job. God's
high favor will get us a financial Blessing, as well as a spiritual
one, and right now our spirits are broken. I would love to thank you
for all your kindness and giving. My family and I are also cheerful
givers, so I know the high that you feel when you know you have done
something special for someone, it is a great feeling, so I want to
thank you for being in the cheerful givers club....it is an awesome
place to be! If you do not have it in your heart to Bless my family at
all, I still thank you for being a giver, we need more true givers in
this world...Praise God he gave my family and I a giving spirit. If you
would like to be a Blessing to us, I will let the amount be between you
and God...we are GRATEFUL for whatever God Blesses us with:)

My email is mlab022@aol.com

My husband's and I anniversary is May 16th...married 12
yes!!!!!....Praise God!!!!

God Bless,
The Lamb Family

I have tried and tried I no longer know what to do. I received sun burns on both arms and had tried to protect us. I am going through major heat stroke and trying to care for my family. Please help! This is a broken down list of what I need help with.

$140.00 Rent
$ 67.67 Power
$ 61.50 Cell phone
$100.00 for laundry
$400.00 Personal care for 5 people/Can accept things in care package email for a list of things.
$150.00-$200.00 for fans
$200.00 for food would be awesome
$300.00 for my brothers food(renal diet)/ Can be sent in a care package (email for list of foods that are OK)

Even care packages sent by mail would be appreciated. I have a child who is turning 6 in a week and He knows I am trying my best but have nothing for him, I would like to change that with help.

I have 8 children all together and can admit that with pride.
2 from my first marriage, both boys teenagers 15-16.
5 from my late boyfriend, 3 girls 2 boys 12-6. Their dad died on May 23, 2007
1 from a friend, small male child 20 months.

I love all my kids but not all currently live with me due to finances right now. And yes I am going to pay the price for the emotional part that will effect them due to this economy and my having to send them away.
I try my hardest but I can not support them the way I used to and it breaks my heart.
I would have been out pan handling today but with heat stroke they want me to stay home and rest.

Please help as I am now physically exhausted and spiritually drained.

email for any questions you may have. angelswings2@yahoo.com
Melissa

My name is Jason. I am a hardworking 28 year old married man with three wonderful children 7, 4, and 1 month old, and the best wife anyone could ever ask for. When I and my wife married we were “given” my parents’ home in NY along with the mortgage as a wedding present. My wife and I have spent the last three years renovating this home, dumping every single cent we had into its improvement. We both come from broken homes and both wanted something more than what we came from, and have managed to build a loving stress free environment for our family, and in a matter of a month my “family” (brother, mother and father) have managed to crush our dream out of selfishness and this, “the world owes me something” mentality they all seem to have.
I work full time and also do side jobs on weekends to make ends meet, my wife has been out of work on disability (she will return full time in the next 3 weeks) due to the birth of our son, which should be the happiest time of our life, and yet I get to go home and see my children upset wondering why there uncle is acting the way he is, I get to see my wife cry over the fact that we have been basically reminded that even though we pay the bill and we fix this home and have made it what it never was for me growing up an actual home, that it is not ours and we should have no say over what happens.
My brother who at one time made hundreds of thousands of dollars a year an selfish heartless drug addict, who even though has never treated me or my family with any respect I have always dropped what I am doing regardless of time or place to go “save him”, and by save usually picking his drug addict ass up and making sure he gets home, or dropping what I’m doing to take him to the hospital cause he is so sick from whatever he has taken this time. Now that brother has decided to move in with us, not ask, not offer to help, but blatantly tell me and my wife, “it’s not your house , I am not asking permission to stay here”, and my parents who told me this home was a “Wedding gift” seem to agree. They feel it’s okay for a drug addict to be living among children, that it’s okay that slowly one by one pieces of my wife’s jewelry are disappearing, or that since he came has literally taken over my infant sons nursery with his disgusting belongings that I found my wife sitting on the floor of the living room trying to feed the baby because he’s asleep on the sofa passed out cold and his belonging are strewn all over the house.
My only options are to buy this home that I and my wife have built a great life in so I can say who stays and goes, or to uproot my children and move as far from these selfish disgusting people as possible.
In order to purchase this home I would need a deposit upwards of 12000 which due to me draining my accounts my sons accounts and my wife’s to “save” my brother from jail, drug dealers, etc., we have nothing left. Which has led me here, led me to the point where I feel more dependent on asking strangers for help than my own family because they can’t even help themselves? I am the little brother (youngest of four) who has always had to be the big brother, I am the one one whose entire family drops there problems in my lap as if to say deal with it. I have been the pillar supporting every single family member I have for the last 28 years, the pillar has finally cracked and can’t hold up the weight of the world anymore. I am begging on my hands and knees for help from completer strangers so I can continue to give my children the life I never had, and offer them some stability instead of having to tear them from the home they have come to love, that my wife has come to love, that I love. I want to give my children the world but my family continues to assure that won’t happen under there watch. Please I beg of you with everything I am I need help. Please don’t make us just another statistic, I found my calling and made a life for my wife and children, I have put aside pride, because they are all that matters to me. Thank You for taking the time to read this and thank you for any support or help you can provide.

We are raising money to help Veterans and their Families that are in Need! Currently we are focused on a Navy family that is in dire straights! The husband is a Veteran who has just been released early from the Navy due to government budget cuts. The wife has just undergone hip and leg surgery and is currently disabled. They have two small children ages 1 and 3. They are currently in debt and have been living out of a hotel. They lost military housing a few weeks ago. Also their car has broken down. They are currently in Virginia. They were kicked out of the hotel and as of now they are literally on the sidewalk. They have no place to go, and they have no money. They need money so that they can travel back to Illinois where their families are! Please please help! Help a Navy Family get home. All donations will be used to help this family and many others like it!

I have tried and tried I no longer know what to do. I received sun burns on both arms and had tried to protect us. I am going through major heat stroke and trying to care for my family. Please help! This is a broken down list of what I need help with.

$140.00 Rent
$ 67.67 Power
$ 61.50 Cell phone
$100.00 for laundry
$400.00 Personal care for 5 people/Can accept things in care package email for a list of things.
$150.00-$200.00 for fans
$200.00 for food would be awesome
$300.00 for my brothers food(renal diet)/ Can be sent in a care package (email for list of foods that are OK)

Even care packages sent by mail would be appreciated. I have a child who is turning 6 in a week and He knows I am trying my best but have nothing for him, I would like to change that with help.

I have 8 children all together and can admit that with pride.
2 from my first marriage, both boys teenagers 15-16.
5 from my late boyfriend, 3 girls 2 boys 12-6. Their dad died on May 23, 2007
1 from a friend, small male child 20 months.

I love all my kids but not all currently live with me due to finances right now. And yes I am going to pay the price for the emotional part that will effect them due to this economy and my having to send them away.
I try my hardest but I can not support them the way I used to and it breaks my heart.
I would have been out pan handling today but with heat stroke they want me to stay home and rest.

Please help as I am now physically exhausted and spiritually drained.

email for any questions you may have. angelswings2@yahoo.com
Melissa

My husband and I just welcomed our first daughter into the world on April 18'th. I am currently unemployed and he had to take a week off while she was born. His work has also been cutting hours this past month so our pocket was really hurt. We weren't able to pay our rent this month so now the fees are adding up. By the end of the month we will owe 998.00 total with 600.00 added on for next months rent and we don't have it. I am so scared. We have no family to help us and every agency we have turned to either can't help or are out of funds. We already have one broken lease and bad credit so our options on finding a new place to go are slim to none. If anyone could help me keep a roof over my daughter's head I would be forever grateful!!!

My husband and I just welcomed our first daughter into the world on April 18'th. I am currently unemployed and he had to take a week off while she was born. His work has also been cutting hours this past month so our pocket was really hurt. We weren't able to pay our rent this month so now the fees are adding up. By the end of the month we will owe 998.00 total with 600.00 added on for next months rent and we don't have it. I am so scared. We have no family to help us and every agency we have turned to either can't help or are out of funds. We already have one broken lease and bad credit so our options on finding a new place to go are slim to none. If anyone could help me keep a roof over my daughter's head I would be forever grateful!!!

My husband and I just welcomed our first daughter into the world on April 18'th. I am currently unemployed and he had to take a week off while she was born. His work has also been cutting hours this past month so our pocket was really hurt. We weren't able to pay our rent this month so now the fees are adding up. By the end of the month we will owe 998.00 total with 600.00 added on for next months rent and we don't have it. I am so scared. We have no family to help us and every agency we have turned to either can't help or are out of funds. We already have one broken lease and bad credit so our options on finding a new place to go are slim to none. If anyone could help me keep a roof over my daughter's head I would be forever grateful!!!

My husband and I just welcomed our first daughter into the world on April 18'th. I am currently unemployed and he had to take a week off while she was born. His work has also been cutting hours this past month so our pocket was really hurt. We weren't able to pay our rent this month so now the fees are adding up. By the end of the month we will owe 998.00 total with 600.00 added on for next months rent and we don't have it. I am so scared. We have no family to help us and every agency we have turned to either can't help or are out of funds. We already have one broken lease and bad credit so our options on finding a new place to go are slim to none. If anyone could help me keep a roof over my daughter's head I would be forever grateful!!!

I have tried and tried I no longer know what to do. I received sun burns on both arms and had tried to protect us. I am going through major heat stroke and trying to care for my family. Please help! This is a broken down list of what I need help with.

$140.00 Rent
$ 67.67 Power
$ 61.50 Cell phone
$100.00 for laundry
$400.00 Personal care for 5 people/Can accept things in care package email for a list of things.
$150.00-$200.00 for fans
$200.00 for food would be awesome
$300.00 for my brothers food(renal diet)/ Can be sent in a care package (email for list of foods that are OK)

Even care packages sent by mail would be appreciated. I have a child who is turning 6 in a week and He knows I am trying my best but have nothing for him, I would like to change that with help.

I have 8 children all together and can admit that with pride.
2 from my first marriage, both boys teenagers 15-16.
5 from my late boyfriend, 3 girls 2 boys 12-6. Their dad died on May 23, 2007
1 from a friend, small male child 20 months.

I love all my kids but not all currently live with me due to finances right now. And yes I am going to pay the price for the emotional part that will effect them due to this economy and my having to send them away.
I try my hardest but I can not support them the way I used to and it breaks my heart.
I would have been out pan handling today but with heat stroke they want me to stay home and rest.

Please help as I am now physically exhausted and spiritually drained.

email for any questions you may have. angelswings2@yahoo.com
Melissa

I don't know how well this site actually works. I am in need of some serious help. Here's the abbreviated version...I am incredibly sick. My kidneys are on the verge of shutdown. I can not see a doctor or sepcialist due to no medical insurance and I can not afford to get any. I am currently working but I am simply not making enough to pay all my bills. I was out of work due to doctors ordered bed rest. I am behind in my rent and about to be evicted and my car has recently broken down and I have no way of getting to work. I am trying so hard to make all of this work all the while my health is getting worse (the doctor ordered dialysis three years ago which I have yet to begin due to being uninsured) and I am on the verge of losing everything. I have no family or anyone to help so I am completely alone. Any sort of help or a point in the right direction would be appreciated. It seems there are no programs for single women with no kids. I just need some help. I need to pay my rent which is totaling 890.00. Anything at this point would help me from getting evicted. Thanks so much.

Hi everyone,
I am starting school next week to become a Health Care Assistant, and to celebrate my girlfriends took me out for the weekend, when I returned my house was broken Into, The Items they stole were.. bank cards, visas,and some other cards and also they stole my Safe! witch had my schooling money and my rent/bill money Inside =(
I think I have some help with most of It
but I have TWO days to come up with $5000
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!!:'(

To get In contact with me to donate
Please email brandycriss@hotmail.ca
Thank you

What do you say when you are entreating an entire world of strangers to come to your aid? How do you sound deserving of their help? How do you express, without writing a novel, why you are in need, how you came to be there, how you came to choose this way of seeking help, and how very afraid you feel.
First, the reason I chose this method. I was feeling frustrated one night after being asked to work another fund raiser. While there is no doubt that the family is very much in need their financial security was markedly better than my own. I was wondering why it seemed that it was always people who already had some means at their disposal who got that kind of sympathy and help. Obviously I was feeling self centered but still the thought remained, what kind of resources were there out there for people like me, people barely above poverty level and struggling to keep from going under. So...I started searching the internet and came across references to "begging" online. I was shocked, I was appalled...I was hopeful. The anonymity of it was a big plus.
Feeling so hopeless, and out of control is very frightening for me. I work with the public. The street people call me Smiley because I try to always stay upbeat while at work and they know that if I can I will always help them with a dollar or two when they need it. There are many people ( even those who are only a few years younger than my 55) who call me Mom and have come to me for assistance both emotionally and financially. I have two adult children of my own and many more that have come through my household and are a part of my family even though they are not related biologically. I send my own Mother money a couple times a month. She lives on a fixed income that doesn't even cover here cost of living. I can no longer afford these things but I don't know how to cut off the aid to others even though I, myself, am in need of aid.
My husband and I come from poor families and were determined to make a better life for our own children. Since we both only had high school educations neither one of us are in well paying jobs but we have always managed to survive and our children never had to worry about whether Mom and Dad were going to be able to feed and clothe them. But things have gotten progressively worse this year.
I tried to start a small business in order to provide my oldest grandchildren and one of my children with a secure job and something meaningful to do. Trying to keep them out of the "system" and teach them to have self respect, and trying to provide a means for them to have financial security. But the business never picked up and we were funneling money into it...my daughter lost her husband and we were also supporting her household. The financial strain has put us in debt that we cannot pay. Our cars have broken down, there are three running vehicles for six drivers to use getting to work and looking for work but no money to repair or replace them. My daughter and her children are living in my home, having lost theirs, and my husband and I are staying with my youngest and her family. Her husband was recently laid off and she is expecting her second child. My husband had to have surgery and that put him off work for six weeks, and now in order to keep his job we have to somehow pay for hearing aids ($3000 for the least expensive ones). Although it is hard we have stuck together and are helping each other as best we can.
The problem is that I see no end in sight. Just the electric bill is $6oo a month thru the winter months. Fuel is outrageous. Food for this many people (5 adults, 3 late teens, and 3 small children) is very expensive in this state. Mortgage payments, gas for cars, and phones...these are things everyone has to pay. I know there are many who are far worse off than I, at least we still have roofs over our heads. But the output is so much higher than the income and each month, each WEEK, sees me feeling a little more desperate. How will I, will we, end up? Will we all be living on the street next year? The interior of Alaska is no climate for the homeless. I don't know what it will take to make this better, to make my family secure but I hope there is help out there for us.

So far this week my car was broken into, my credit card was stolen and the bill run up. The gym I go to scammed me out money on payments, my job I've been working at for three years promoted someone with no prior experience over me( I work my ass off for little pay) and my dad took a job in Kentucky so I have to have money to move out in 3 months or I will be homeless because he's selling the house. Also my car is ready to break down at any given time and won't be mine anymore when my dad moves. I'm working as best as I can but can't come up with the money in time I need 7,000 dollars so I can move out a buy a reliable car. I'm 18 I can't be homeless :,( I don't wanna live in this town anymore or this state the jobs are disappearing. I need a loan basically because I will pay you back when I'm more financially stable. Please help me. I don't wanna have to become a stripper

Hello, Thank you for reading my post for help. My wife and I and our three small daughters (feline) are going to be evicted from our apartment in 4 days. We got behind in rent due to numerous awful things happening.I lost my job due to "economic reasons" according to the company. They closed the entire office down because what I was told is that they didn't want to renew the lease on the building. After that I had hip surgery ( total hip replacement) and am recovering. You see my wife and I were in a bad car accident 3 months after we got married. My hip was broken in 3 places as well as other injuries, and my wife broke her left ankle and her knee caps were crushed by the steering wheel. She is going to have ankle reconstruction surgery very soon, and I am going back to work. I have resumes and applications out and expect an interview from 2 places next week. We have no place to go and are just trying to get caught up and back on our feet. If anyone can help, God bless you and we will pay it forward, you can be sure of that! We love to help people, just right now we could use a little help. God bless you for raeding this.

I am a single mother who is struggling. My car has broken down on me and I need some cash to help get it running as needed. I desperately need it so I can get my son to the sitters house or anywhere else if he gets hurt or something happens to him. My job is also in jeopardy since this has happened. If it weren't for my son I would just walk to work and wouldn't mind, but I can't because of him. Any amount would help thank you and God bless.

hello i am 24 and i need help fast my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and kicked me out i have no place to go and living in a shelter but i am only allowed to stay till may i am disabled and unable to work i have nothing now i lost everything i do not have a car so i had to leave pretty much everything i owned this is not my home town and do not have anyone to stay with please if you can find it in your hearts to donate just a small amount for food and clothes maybe a enough to help me get a place to rent cause i will be on the streets this is all different to me i never been homeless before and so scared of what is going to happen to me i have psychosis and need help to get my medicine also please help me every dollar will go to good use thank you for taking the time to read this and please help a lost heart broken man get out of the streets and back on his feet thank you

hello i am 24 and i need help fast my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and kicked me out i have no place to go and living in a shelter but i am only allowed to stay till may i am disabled and unable to work i have nothing now i lost everything i do not have a car so i had to leave pretty much everything i owned this is not my home town and do not have anyone to stay with please if you can find it in your hearts to donate just a small amount for food and clothes maybe a enough to help me get a place to rent cause i will be on the streets this is all different to me i never been homeless before and so scared of what is going to happen to me i have psychosis and need help to get my medicine also please help me every dollar will go to good use thank you for taking the time to read this and please help a lost heart broken man get out of the streets and back on his feet thank you

hello i am 24 and i need help fast my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and kicked me out i have no place to go and living in a shelter but i am only allowed to stay till may i am disabled and unable to work i have nothing now i lost everything i do not have a car so i had to leave pretty much everything i owned this is not my home town and do not have anyone to stay with please if you can find it in your hearts to donate just a small amount for food and clothes maybe a enough to help me get a place to rent cause i will be on the streets this is all different to me i never been homeless before and so scared of what is going to happen to me i have psychosis and need help to get my medicine also please help me every dollar will go to good use thank you for taking the time to read this and please help a lost heart broken man get out of the streets and back on his feet thank you

hello i am 24 and i need help fast my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and kicked me out i have no place to go and living in a shelter but i am only allowed to stay till may i am disabled and unable to work i have nothing now i lost everything i do not have a car so i had to leave pretty much everything i owned this is not my home town and do not have anyone to stay with please if you can find it in your hearts to donate just a small amount for food and clothes maybe a enough to help me get a place to rent cause i will be on the streets this is all different to me i never been homeless before and so scared of what is going to happen to me i have psychosis and need help to get my medicine also please help me every dollar will go to good use thank you for taking the time to read this and please help a lost heart broken man get out of the streets and back on his feet thank you

Background:

I was born in Argentina, but have lived in Texas since I was 5. I had no say in it; my parents decided that’s what was best for me since Buenos Aires was so crime-ridden. I graduated high school like normal kids, went to a community college right afterwards, and worked part time to cover its costs. I got an Associate’s in Science (Nursing) and then dropped out since I couldn't afford to attend a university nor decide on a major. My GPA was a 3.4 at the time.

I'm now 25, working full time (Geek Squad, can’t do much with an associate’s), studying electrical engineering, married to my high school sweetheart, and have my goals set! I just have one thing holding me back...MONEY. Since I backtracked when I changed majors, I had a few sophomore classes to take. I'm finishing them at the same community college, and I'm registered for the Fall semester at the University of Texas at Dallas (Junior level courses). I have gotten nothing but As since I've been back!



Why I Need Your Help:

Now, you may be wondering, why can't I use FAFSA? Well, I recently obtained my permanent residence. That was a big roadblock growing up. One of the agreements I had with our nation was that I would not use federal funds (welfare, food stamps, grants, FAFSA, etc) for the next 10 years. I work full time and attend as many classes as I can per semester; I have no time for lollygagging.

Sallie Mae can only loan me so much, and banks nowadays make it very difficult to borrow from for school. All the scholarships I’ve looked for require either citizenship or full time enrollment, neither of which I am. (Can’t enroll full time because I need to work full-time to make ends meet) My father is a construction worker and I don’t know my mom, she left us when I was 7. I just sold my laptop on eBay and made myself a cheap one from recycled parts. I've tried getting internships, but I'm not deep enough into my career to be eligible yet. Nearby family members don’t have any spare cash, and don’t make enough to co-sign a loan for me….So I’m here, hoping some kind strangers can help me out.

I am a hard working student, good Samaritan, bilingual, a jokester, drug-free, do calculus in my head, pay taxes, 740 credit score, and drive a broken down Pontiac. My only goal right now is to finish school with flying colors as soon as possible; just need this financial roadblock to meet a wrecking ball.

Will you help me smash it down?

Just got out of a 3 year codependent relationship where alcohol was chosen over me when it came down to it.

I'm withdrawing from my addictions to alcohol and cigarette (two months and 3 weeks tomorrow!), and I have most of what I need.

My problem is that I came to Portland Oregon with a guitar that within a few days was broken and stolen in an act of betrayal.

It's been my dream to move to a city and make music for a long time, but this has been put on hold, and now it is harder to make money, and I can't work a conventional job right now because of my withdrawals.

Can you help me out? Anything would be good.

My daughter and I are in need of finding a place of our own. These past couple months have been extremely hard because of the death of my mother. We were all living together and my mom was splitting the rent with me and I was working to take care of her. She was sick with Cancer and she had the operation and we all thought she was going to be okay. She did not recover like we expected and she ended up going in a Rehabilitation Center and we visited her often until she came home. I am the youngest of her children. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we are called the Berry 5. We were allways known as the Berry Family from the time we were little. My mom started to do better and we were so happy to have her home. It came time for her to Start Chemotherapy and Radiation. She was scared but I and my sister talked her into it because we knew the doctors had told us that she needed it because the cancer had spread to her lymp nodes and when they did the surgery they were not able to get everything. My mom had done one week of Radiation and she went in for one session of Chemo. The same day she had Chemo she seemed fine and then 2 days later she was having fevers, throwing up and so extremely weak. I thought it was because of the Chemo because that is what was explained to us. My concern was she couldn't keep anything down. I needed to give her medication for her Diabetes and High Blood Pressure but everytime I gave her anything, it all came up and so I was so scared because her blood sugar was high and I didn't want it to get any higher. She began to complain of stomach pain and I thought it was another side effect of the Chemo. For a couple days of her vomiting and having diarrhea, I was able to get some fluids down her and it seemed to stay. Little by little we both thought she was doing better. Her strength was not there though, it was difficult for her to even get up to go to the bathroom. The following day she continued to vomit and I was scared so I told her she needed to go to the hospital, because I felt that they could help her more. They could give her medications through an IV and they could find out why she was so weak and everything. She was scared and did not want to go but I convinced her. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I tried to follow her but I had to pick up my 11 year old daughter from school. I did go and they would not let me go back right away. I told them my mom had been brought in and they told me she wasn't checked in yet. About 20 minutes passed and I went back up to the window and they told me they would see if the doctor would let me back there and they were saying my daughter couldn't come back there because she wasn't 14, I told them she is only 11 years old and I'm not leaving her in the waiting room with strangers and that she was coming back there with me. They finally let us in and we went back to see my mom. I couldn't believe they had her hooked up to so many machines and she was on morphine and so out of it. I walked up to her and I said Ma, I'm here and she turned and looked at me. She was happy to see me, but then she told me that they told her, they found blood in her stools. I told her it was probably just do to her Hemorrhoids. but she said they told her it was positive for something. I asked her for what and she didn't know. I began looking for the doctor so I could ask questions but he wasn't around and everyone I talked to told me the doctor would be in soon to go over my mom's condition. I stayed with my mom, just holding her hand, telling her I loved her and that she was going to be okay. They came in to take her to have an ultrasound and my daughter and I waited. The doctor finally came in and told me that my mom had an abcess in her stomach that had burst. I said what are you talking about? He said that she had a condition called peridonitis and that the abcess burst and was releasing all this poison inside her stomach and her blood pressure was dropping dramatically. He then told me it was too dangerous for them to operate at that time because her INR level to to high. My mom had been taking Cumadin for a blood clot that she previously had and the cumadin made her INR level extremely high and her blood was not clotting so they said if they did surgery, she would bleed out. They said they needed to correct it by giving her lots of blood products and they gave her all kinds of strong antibiotics and blood and plasma. They were pumping so much stuff into her, I didn't know what to do. Her blood pressure was like 85/60 and then like 76/40 and it was getting lower and lower. They had her hooked up to so many IVs and then they told me that she was the sickest person they had in the ER. So many doctors and interns and students and nurses overcrowded my mom's room. I called my sister and told her what was going on and she came down to be with me and my daughter. They told us they would do all they could for my mom but that it didn't look good. I began to pray, my mom had always taught me to pray and give things over to god. As the night went on, they decided to put an IV in my moms neck, they said it was more direct and if and when she went to surgery it would be better to have that in place. They made us leave the room and they had like 10 people in there with there machines and cameras and equipment to help guide them where to put the IV at. I had never gone through this before and I was so scared but I was keeping my faith. One doctor wanted to talk to me and my sister alone and I didn't want to hear him telling me anything negative. He asked us a lot of questions concerning my mom's health and history. He then told us that she was in acute renal failure and that her colon was damaged where the abcess bursts and fecal was being released into her abdomen. This is the last thing I wanted to hear. I asked him if they could fix it, he said they would do all they could but that their main focus was trying to bring her INR levels down because they were dangerously high. She was also anemic and that is why she was so weak, her blood level was extremely low. They were continuously giving her blood products, antibiotics and plasma. My sister decided to take my daughter home with her. I told her I would call her when I knew when they were going to do surgery. The surgeon had spoken to us and said that it was a good chance, and that operating was her only chance and once her blood level was corrected that they would go in and repair the damage. I felt some what relieved but as the night went on she was in a fight for her life. The main doctor working on my mom's case came and told me that her breathing was not getting any better and that he needed to put her to sleep so he could intubate her and put a breathing tube down her throat. He said it would be good to have anyways so that she would be ready when they went to surgery. There was nothing I could do except walk out of the room and wait. I continued to pray and wait and pray and wait. Hours went by and I would walk and peek inside the room and see my mom's blood pressure increasing some, this gave me hope but then the doctor would come and tell me it wasn't looking like she was improving and that we needed to prepare that she might not make it through the night. i couldn't believe what he was telling me. I called my sister and my brother and told them , they were praying as well. I didn't know who to listen to, one doctor is telling me it's hopeless and the surgeon is telling me it's a good chance she would be okay once taken to surgery. I sat in the hall because they wouldn't let me back in and they stayed with her at all times, monitoring her and giving her medicine and all the blood and stuff back to back. Then they came out in the hall and told me they were ready to take her to surgery. They said she might not hear you but you can still talk to her. I walked up to her lying there, so still and I told her how much I loved her and i told her to fight and that we would do it togther and that I would be here when she woke up and that I was not leaving her. The surgeon put me in the OR waiting room. I was all alone in there by myself. I waited and waited and only 20 mins went by and a security guard told me there was a cafe there and if I wanted to go grab a cup of coffee that I could. I went downstairs and got the coffee, as soon as I reached the OR floor I saw the surgeon standing there, he walked over to me and he said, I'm sorry but your mom's heart stopped during surgery and we revived her but then it stopped again and he said I don't we can get it back. My whole world just crumbled, I began screaming and crying and I fell to the floor. I was just askig God why. Why is this happening? This security lady came over to comfort me and began telling me how sorry she was and asked me if I had any family I could call. I called my sister and told her and she said she was on her way down. She lived in another city about 45 mins away. I was still on the ground just broken and this lady began to tell me that God would help me and give me the strength to go on. She asked me if I had any children, I told her I had a daughter, and she told me I needed to be strong for her. I wasn't trying to hear all that. My whole world was ripped right from under me. A couple of doctors and this lady helped me off the floor and the surgeon that came out , came out again and told me they would take me back to see her. They brought out a wheelchair and wheeled me back there and when they opened the door, my god I just saw them on top of her doing chest compressions and I was just screaming and then the surgeon is telling me I need to make a decision because everytime they do that, they are hurting her and he said, you don't want her to suffer anymore. I was just waiting on my sister4. I didn't want to make that call but I didn't want them pounding her chest in so I told them to stop. It killed in me inside. They wheeled me over to her and I just cried. My mom was only 60 years old and she had her whole life ahead of her and I don't understand why any of this happened. She was such a beautiful person and she had been a christian for 33 years. SHe loved the lord and she raised me and my siblings up in the church. I couldn't believe that she was gone because I had prayed and prayed and I just knew that God would spare her life. I lost my real father at the age of 16 and even then I didn't know him. I always had my mom and she remarried when I was 11 years old. She had been married for 19 years and my step father passed away in July of 2008. He was a sickly person and she took care of him and nursed him for all those years. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, he was on dialysis for kidney failure, he had a four by pass surgery and he was in and out of the hospitals for years. She suffered so much seeing him suffer and taking care of him, he took what little strength she had. But because he was her husband she did all she could to help him and she loved him so much. So now all remains is just me and my siblings. It's hard because my mom was my best friend. I can't remember a time when she wasn't around. We did everything together and we lived together for years and I took care of her. I wanted so bad for her to be okay and to make it through surgery, I had been taught for years about the love of Jesus and I couldn't understand what he chose to take her away from her children and grandchildren. We had a two bedroom apartment and she had her room and my daughter and I shared a room. After she died, I went home that morning with my sister and I stayed over there for the remainder of the day. The whole day was just hurting, crying and calling the rest of the family. I felt so bad because my youngest brother, say youngest because he is the youngest of my 3 brothers, even though they are all older than me. He came to the hospital to see my mom but he thought she was still alive and the doctors didn't tell him, they let him in the room and she was already covered up and he walked in and was like, it's over ?? he couldn't believe it , he just broke down. One of the nurses that was in the OR called my sister and he was crying, apologizing to us because he thought my brother already knew. He told us how sorry he was. Now my family is broken, my mom was the rock that held us all together. We didn't have money growing up, we didn't have a lot of the finer things in life but we had love. She loved us like no one could. She did it all for her children and most importantly she taught us about God. She lived her life for Jesus, she would pray on a regular basis, read her bible daily, go to church often as she could and when things looked hopeless she took them to god in prayer. She prayed not only for her children, grandchildren and siblings but for people all over the world, she would pray for all the countries and for the sick and homeless and anyone she could pray for. She gave over the years endlessly to Trinity Broadcasting Network, Feed the children, CBN, David Terrell Ministries, Boys Town, Children International, Food For All and to so many others. Month after month, year after year she was giving. She taught us how to give and there were times when we would just make food and take it to the park to give to the homeless, bottled water, sandwiches, noodles, chicken or whatever we could. She would never turn down a person needing help or asking for spare change, she would give freely. She would tell me all the time, it's better to give than to receive and that god would bless me. So I began giving as well, I would call and donate and try to help whenever I could. My mom was also a big giver to the goodwill. Over the years we gave so much, and everytime they would ask if we wanted a donation paper for a tax write off she would say no. she didn't want that, she was giving freely and she didn't want anything in return. That's who she was, she was the person who would mentor you and talk to you about Jesus and how over the years he brought her and our family through so many trials and tribulations. SHe praised god for everything, for the good times and the bad. She used to always tell me to be thankful and to praise god. Now there were times when i was suffering so much and I didn't want to praise god, I wanted god to help me and at the time it seemed like he wasn't. My mom was always there to tell me baby, hold on.. give your burdens over to the lord and he will help you and supply all your needs. I realized that he did just that. I remember when she had surgery for the cancer and she was wondering why god allowed her to come down with that. It was hard for her because her faith was shaken then. She couldn't believe after she was faithful to him for so many years that he would allow her to suffer so horribly and there my sister and I were telling her that she would be okay, that God loved her still and he had not forsaken her and that he would bring her through this. She was so discouraged at the time but we would not let up. She couldn't believe this was her children mentoring and encouragiing her as she had done for us over the years. She told me, she was happy and she felt relieved that her living and everything she had taught us was not in vain. She was thankful to God that we were listening to her and by example we followed her footsteps. She began to get better and we thought she would be okay. My mom was a pure Christian, she didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. She would make you turn the tv channel if you were watching something that cursed. She loved her cowboys though. Her favorites were Bonanza, The rifle man, High Chapparal, Wagon Train, The Virginian and so many others. She also loved the old shows, the clean shows, the original dennis the menace, columbo, family affair, petticoat junction, I married joan, hawai five o, the streets of san francisco, i spy, murder she wrote, in the heat of the night, matlock, the big vally, dr quinn, little house on the prairie, family ties, good times, 227, what's happening, the jeffersons, the brady bunch and so many others. Her favorite game shows were The price is right, deal or no deal, let's make a deal, the newlywed game, match game and who wants to be a millionaire. I loved spending time with my mom, she was someone I could always talk to and she would never judge me, she would tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. She taught me how to carry myself as a lady and she taught me how to stand up for myself and I owe her so much. I felt like I let her down that night she was in the hospital and I told her she would be okay and that I would be waiting for her when she woke up but she never woke up. I felt that made me a liar. I had been taking care of my mom for months and I was preparing her meals, giving her medications on schedule and was taking her to her appointments and running errands for her. My mom had been weak for so long because before she found out she had cancer she was bleeding perfusely having vaginal bleeding and they made her very anemic. Before surgery she had 4 transfusions and then after surgery she had 2 more. She never got all her strength back and after she had the first surgery, she was too weak that they sent her to Ballard Rehabilitation and they were working on getting her strength back and getting her up and walking. She did so much better when she was in there and when she came home, they sent out a home health nurse, a physcialy therapist and an occupational therapist. They began doing exercises with her and the physical therapist thought it would benefit my mom to have some help with getting around. So she ordered her an walker , the kind that had a seat on it, she ordered her a wheel chair, a raised toilet seat with the rails and a shower chair and shower bench. So when my mom started walking more better she was using her walker all the time, it was helping her because she had the support to keep her from falling and when she got tired , she could just sit down. I did all I could to take care of her, on a daily basis. She was not strong enough to shower herself, so I bought the shower hose and I began to shower her daily, dress her and do everything for her but I loved her so much and I didn't care what I had to do, she was my mom. There were days when she thought she was a burden to me and she would tell me, that I work to hard and that she was sorry she was not able to do things for herself and i would immediately tell her to stop talking like that. I would tell her, she was my mom, I loved her and wanted to look after her and that she wasn't a burden on me. That she took care of me when I was little and over the years and now it was my turn to take care of her. She told me a couple weeks before she passed away , you said, you really stood by your mom, when all the others went on their way. you stood by your mom. She said, I don't know what I would have done with out you. She said I don't know how I would have made it and she said god is really going to bless you and he will remember everything you did for your mother. She told me how special I was and now that she is gone , I remember everything she ever told me. It has been so hard, going through all her things and seeing all the cards and letters she gave me over the years. Everybody keeps telling me it will get better but I don't see that happening. I can't go one day without crying for missing her so much. I am grateful because she is not in any more pain but I am hurting so badly without her. I have a big sister but we have never been that close, she seems to want to spend more time with me now but nobody could ever feel that empty space inside my heart for my mother. I recently moved in with my brother and I want so desperately for me and my daughter to be able to get a place of our own. It costs so much to pay for first and last months rent and I have this old 1994 car that has been giving me so much trouble and I am barely scraping along , just trying to make it. I would appreciate any help I am given. If anyone can find it in their heart to help me and my daughter move out and get our own place or simply help us with the day to day necessities, it would be greatly appreciated.

My daughter and I are in need of finding a place of our own. These past couple months have been extremely hard because of the death of my mother. We were all living together and my mom was splitting the rent with me and I was working to take care of her. She was sick with Cancer and she had the operation and we all thought she was going to be okay. She did not recover like we expected and she ended up going in a Rehabilitation Center and we visited her often until she came home. I am the youngest of her children. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we are called the Berry 5. We were allways known as the Berry Family from the time we were little. My mom started to do better and we were so happy to have her home. It came time for her to Start Chemotherapy and Radiation. She was scared but I and my sister talked her into it because we knew the doctors had told us that she needed it because the cancer had spread to her lymp nodes and when they did the surgery they were not able to get everything. My mom had done one week of Radiation and she went in for one session of Chemo. The same day she had Chemo she seemed fine and then 2 days later she was having fevers, throwing up and so extremely weak. I thought it was because of the Chemo because that is what was explained to us. My concern was she couldn't keep anything down. I needed to give her medication for her Diabetes and High Blood Pressure but everytime I gave her anything, it all came up and so I was so scared because her blood sugar was high and I didn't want it to get any higher. She began to complain of stomach pain and I thought it was another side effect of the Chemo. For a couple days of her vomiting and having diarrhea, I was able to get some fluids down her and it seemed to stay. Little by little we both thought she was doing better. Her strength was not there though, it was difficult for her to even get up to go to the bathroom. The following day she continued to vomit and I was scared so I told her she needed to go to the hospital, because I felt that they could help her more. They could give her medications through an IV and they could find out why she was so weak and everything. She was scared and did not want to go but I convinced her. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I tried to follow her but I had to pick up my 11 year old daughter from school. I did go and they would not let me go back right away. I told them my mom had been brought in and they told me she wasn't checked in yet. About 20 minutes passed and I went back up to the window and they told me they would see if the doctor would let me back there and they were saying my daughter couldn't come back there because she wasn't 14, I told them she is only 11 years old and I'm not leaving her in the waiting room with strangers and that she was coming back there with me. They finally let us in and we went back to see my mom. I couldn't believe they had her hooked up to so many machines and she was on morphine and so out of it. I walked up to her and I said Ma, I'm here and she turned and looked at me. She was happy to see me, but then she told me that they told her, they found blood in her stools. I told her it was probably just do to her Hemorrhoids. but she said they told her it was positive for something. I asked her for what and she didn't know. I began looking for the doctor so I could ask questions but he wasn't around and everyone I talked to told me the doctor would be in soon to go over my mom's condition. I stayed with my mom, just holding her hand, telling her I loved her and that she was going to be okay. They came in to take her to have an ultrasound and my daughter and I waited. The doctor finally came in and told me that my mom had an abcess in her stomach that had burst. I said what are you talking about? He said that she had a condition called peridonitis and that the abcess burst and was releasing all this poison inside her stomach and her blood pressure was dropping dramatically. He then told me it was too dangerous for them to operate at that time because her INR level to to high. My mom had been taking Cumadin for a blood clot that she previously had and the cumadin made her INR level extremely high and her blood was not clotting so they said if they did surgery, she would bleed out. They said they needed to correct it by giving her lots of blood products and they gave her all kinds of strong antibiotics and blood and plasma. They were pumping so much stuff into her, I didn't know what to do. Her blood pressure was like 85/60 and then like 76/40 and it was getting lower and lower. They had her hooked up to so many IVs and then they told me that she was the sickest person they had in the ER. So many doctors and interns and students and nurses overcrowded my mom's room. I called my sister and told her what was going on and she came down to be with me and my daughter. They told us they would do all they could for my mom but that it didn't look good. I began to pray, my mom had always taught me to pray and give things over to god. As the night went on, they decided to put an IV in my moms neck, they said it was more direct and if and when she went to surgery it would be better to have that in place. They made us leave the room and they had like 10 people in there with there machines and cameras and equipment to help guide them where to put the IV at. I had never gone through this before and I was so scared but I was keeping my faith. One doctor wanted to talk to me and my sister alone and I didn't want to hear him telling me anything negative. He asked us a lot of questions concerning my mom's health and history. He then told us that she was in acute renal failure and that her colon was damaged where the abcess bursts and fecal was being released into her abdomen. This is the last thing I wanted to hear. I asked him if they could fix it, he said they would do all they could but that their main focus was trying to bring her INR levels down because they were dangerously high. She was also anemic and that is why she was so weak, her blood level was extremely low. They were continuously giving her blood products, antibiotics and plasma. My sister decided to take my daughter home with her. I told her I would call her when I knew when they were going to do surgery. The surgeon had spoken to us and said that it was a good chance, and that operating was her only chance and once her blood level was corrected that they would go in and repair the damage. I felt some what relieved but as the night went on she was in a fight for her life. The main doctor working on my mom's case came and told me that her breathing was not getting any better and that he needed to put her to sleep so he could intubate her and put a breathing tube down her throat. He said it would be good to have anyways so that she would be ready when they went to surgery. There was nothing I could do except walk out of the room and wait. I continued to pray and wait and pray and wait. Hours went by and I would walk and peek inside the room and see my mom's blood pressure increasing some, this gave me hope but then the doctor would come and tell me it wasn't looking like she was improving and that we needed to prepare that she might not make it through the night. i couldn't believe what he was telling me. I called my sister and my brother and told them , they were praying as well. I didn't know who to listen to, one doctor is telling me it's hopeless and the surgeon is telling me it's a good chance she would be okay once taken to surgery. I sat in the hall because they wouldn't let me back in and they stayed with her at all times, monitoring her and giving her medicine and all the blood and stuff back to back. Then they came out in the hall and told me they were ready to take her to surgery. They said she might not hear you but you can still talk to her. I walked up to her lying there, so still and I told her how much I loved her and i told her to fight and that we would do it togther and that I would be here when she woke up and that I was not leaving her. The surgeon put me in the OR waiting room. I was all alone in there by myself. I waited and waited and only 20 mins went by and a security guard told me there was a cafe there and if I wanted to go grab a cup of coffee that I could. I went downstairs and got the coffee, as soon as I reached the OR floor I saw the surgeon standing there, he walked over to me and he said, I'm sorry but your mom's heart stopped during surgery and we revived her but then it stopped again and he said I don't we can get it back. My whole world just crumbled, I began screaming and crying and I fell to the floor. I was just askig God why. Why is this happening? This security lady came over to comfort me and began telling me how sorry she was and asked me if I had any family I could call. I called my sister and told her and she said she was on her way down. She lived in another city about 45 mins away. I was still on the ground just broken and this lady began to tell me that God would help me and give me the strength to go on. She asked me if I had any children, I told her I had a daughter, and she told me I needed to be strong for her. I wasn't trying to hear all that. My whole world was ripped right from under me. A couple of doctors and this lady helped me off the floor and the surgeon that came out , came out again and told me they would take me back to see her. They brought out a wheelchair and wheeled me back there and when they opened the door, my god I just saw them on top of her doing chest compressions and I was just screaming and then the surgeon is telling me I need to make a decision because everytime they do that, they are hurting her and he said, you don't want her to suffer anymore. I was just waiting on my sister4. I didn't want to make that call but I didn't want them pounding her chest in so I told them to stop. It killed in me inside. They wheeled me over to her and I just cried. My mom was only 60 years old and she had her whole life ahead of her and I don't understand why any of this happened. She was such a beautiful person and she had been a christian for 33 years. SHe loved the lord and she raised me and my siblings up in the church. I couldn't believe that she was gone because I had prayed and prayed and I just knew that God would spare her life. I lost my real father at the age of 16 and even then I didn't know him. I always had my mom and she remarried when I was 11 years old. She had been married for 19 years and my step father passed away in July of 2008. He was a sickly person and she took care of him and nursed him for all those years. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, he was on dialysis for kidney failure, he had a four by pass surgery and he was in and out of the hospitals for years. She suffered so much seeing him suffer and taking care of him, he took what little strength she had. But because he was her husband she did all she could to help him and she loved him so much. So now all remains is just me and my siblings. It's hard because my mom was my best friend. I can't remember a time when she wasn't around. We did everything together and we lived together for years and I took care of her. I wanted so bad for her to be okay and to make it through surgery, I had been taught for years about the love of Jesus and I couldn't understand what he chose to take her away from her children and grandchildren. We had a two bedroom apartment and she had her room and my daughter and I shared a room. After she died, I went home that morning with my sister and I stayed over there for the remainder of the day. The whole day was just hurting, crying and calling the rest of the family. I felt so bad because my youngest brother, say youngest because he is the youngest of my 3 brothers, even though they are all older than me. He came to the hospital to see my mom but he thought she was still alive and the doctors didn't tell him, they let him in the room and she was already covered up and he walked in and was like, it's over ?? he couldn't believe it , he just broke down. One of the nurses that was in the OR called my sister and he was crying, apologizing to us because he thought my brother already knew. He told us how sorry he was. Now my family is broken, my mom was the rock that held us all together. We didn't have money growing up, we didn't have a lot of the finer things in life but we had love. She loved us like no one could. She did it all for her children and most importantly she taught us about God. She lived her life for Jesus, she would pray on a regular basis, read her bible daily, go to church often as she could and when things looked hopeless she took them to god in prayer. She prayed not only for her children, grandchildren and siblings but for people all over the world, she would pray for all the countries and for the sick and homeless and anyone she could pray for. She gave over the years endlessly to Trinity Broadcasting Network, Feed the children, CBN, David Terrell Ministries, Boys Town, Children International, Food For All and to so many others. Month after month, year after year she was giving. She taught us how to give and there were times when we would just make food and take it to the park to give to the homeless, bottled water, sandwiches, noodles, chicken or whatever we could. She would never turn down a person needing help or asking for spare change, she would give freely. She would tell me all the time, it's better to give than to receive and that god would bless me. So I began giving as well, I would call and donate and try to help whenever I could. My mom was also a big giver to the goodwill. Over the years we gave so much, and everytime they would ask if we wanted a donation paper for a tax write off she would say no. she didn't want that, she was giving freely and she didn't want anything in return. That's who she was, she was the person who would mentor you and talk to you about Jesus and how over the years he brought her and our family through so many trials and tribulations. SHe praised god for everything, for the good times and the bad. She used to always tell me to be thankful and to praise god. Now there were times when i was suffering so much and I didn't want to praise god, I wanted god to help me and at the time it seemed like he wasn't. My mom was always there to tell me baby, hold on.. give your burdens over to the lord and he will help you and supply all your needs. I realized that he did just that. I remember when she had surgery for the cancer and she was wondering why god allowed her to come down with that. It was hard for her because her faith was shaken then. She couldn't believe after she was faithful to him for so many years that he would allow her to suffer so horribly and there my sister and I were telling her that she would be okay, that God loved her still and he had not forsaken her and that he would bring her through this. She was so discouraged at the time but we would not let up. She couldn't believe this was her children mentoring and encouragiing her as she had done for us over the years. She told me, she was happy and she felt relieved that her living and everything she had taught us was not in vain. She was thankful to God that we were listening to her and by example we followed her footsteps. She began to get better and we thought she would be okay. My mom was a pure Christian, she didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. She would make you turn the tv channel if you were watching something that cursed. She loved her cowboys though. Her favorites were Bonanza, The rifle man, High Chapparal, Wagon Train, The Virginian and so many others. She also loved the old shows, the clean shows, the original dennis the menace, columbo, family affair, petticoat junction, I married joan, hawai five o, the streets of san francisco, i spy, murder she wrote, in the heat of the night, matlock, the big vally, dr quinn, little house on the prairie, family ties, good times, 227, what's happening, the jeffersons, the brady bunch and so many others. Her favorite game shows were The price is right, deal or no deal, let's make a deal, the newlywed game, match game and who wants to be a millionaire. I loved spending time with my mom, she was someone I could always talk to and she would never judge me, she would tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. She taught me how to carry myself as a lady and she taught me how to stand up for myself and I owe her so much. I felt like I let her down that night she was in the hospital and I told her she would be okay and that I would be waiting for her when she woke up but she never woke up. I felt that made me a liar. I had been taking care of my mom for months and I was preparing her meals, giving her medications on schedule and was taking her to her appointments and running errands for her. My mom had been weak for so long because before she found out she had cancer she was bleeding perfusely having vaginal bleeding and they made her very anemic. Before surgery she had 4 transfusions and then after surgery she had 2 more. She never got all her strength back and after she had the first surgery, she was too weak that they sent her to Ballard Rehabilitation and they were working on getting her strength back and getting her up and walking. She did so much better when she was in there and when she came home, they sent out a home health nurse, a physcialy therapist and an occupational therapist. They began doing exercises with her and the physical therapist thought it would benefit my mom to have some help with getting around. So she ordered her an walker , the kind that had a seat on it, she ordered her a wheel chair, a raised toilet seat with the rails and a shower chair and shower bench. So when my mom started walking more better she was using her walker all the time, it was helping her because she had the support to keep her from falling and when she got tired , she could just sit down. I did all I could to take care of her, on a daily basis. She was not strong enough to shower herself, so I bought the shower hose and I began to shower her daily, dress her and do everything for her but I loved her so much and I didn't care what I had to do, she was my mom. There were days when she thought she was a burden to me and she would tell me, that I work to hard and that she was sorry she was not able to do things for herself and i would immediately tell her to stop talking like that. I would tell her, she was my mom, I loved her and wanted to look after her and that she wasn't a burden on me. That she took care of me when I was little and over the years and now it was my turn to take care of her. She told me a couple weeks before she passed away , you said, you really stood by your mom, when all the others went on their way. you stood by your mom. She said, I don't know what I would have done with out you. She said I don't know how I would have made it and she said god is really going to bless you and he will remember everything you did for your mother. She told me how special I was and now that she is gone , I remember everything she ever told me. It has been so hard, going through all her things and seeing all the cards and letters she gave me over the years. Everybody keeps telling me it will get better but I don't see that happening. I can't go one day without crying for missing her so much. I am grateful because she is not in any more pain but I am hurting so badly without her. I have a big sister but we have never been that close, she seems to want to spend more time with me now but nobody could ever feel that empty space inside my heart for my mother. I recently moved in with my brother and I want so desperately for me and my daughter to be able to get a place of our own. It costs so much to pay for first and last months rent and I have this old 1994 car that has been giving me so much trouble and I am barely scraping along , just trying to make it. I would appreciate any help I am given. If anyone can find it in their heart to help me and my daughter move out and get our own place or simply help us with the day to day necessities, it would be greatly appreciated.