Bench Tags

My daughter and I are in need of finding a place of our own. These past couple months have been extremely hard because of the death of my mother. We were all living together and my mom was splitting the rent with me and I was working to take care of her. She was sick with Cancer and she had the operation and we all thought she was going to be okay. She did not recover like we expected and she ended up going in a Rehabilitation Center and we visited her often until she came home. I am the youngest of her children. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we are called the Berry 5. We were allways known as the Berry Family from the time we were little. My mom started to do better and we were so happy to have her home. It came time for her to Start Chemotherapy and Radiation. She was scared but I and my sister talked her into it because we knew the doctors had told us that she needed it because the cancer had spread to her lymp nodes and when they did the surgery they were not able to get everything. My mom had done one week of Radiation and she went in for one session of Chemo. The same day she had Chemo she seemed fine and then 2 days later she was having fevers, throwing up and so extremely weak. I thought it was because of the Chemo because that is what was explained to us. My concern was she couldn't keep anything down. I needed to give her medication for her Diabetes and High Blood Pressure but everytime I gave her anything, it all came up and so I was so scared because her blood sugar was high and I didn't want it to get any higher. She began to complain of stomach pain and I thought it was another side effect of the Chemo. For a couple days of her vomiting and having diarrhea, I was able to get some fluids down her and it seemed to stay. Little by little we both thought she was doing better. Her strength was not there though, it was difficult for her to even get up to go to the bathroom. The following day she continued to vomit and I was scared so I told her she needed to go to the hospital, because I felt that they could help her more. They could give her medications through an IV and they could find out why she was so weak and everything. She was scared and did not want to go but I convinced her. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I tried to follow her but I had to pick up my 11 year old daughter from school. I did go and they would not let me go back right away. I told them my mom had been brought in and they told me she wasn't checked in yet. About 20 minutes passed and I went back up to the window and they told me they would see if the doctor would let me back there and they were saying my daughter couldn't come back there because she wasn't 14, I told them she is only 11 years old and I'm not leaving her in the waiting room with strangers and that she was coming back there with me. They finally let us in and we went back to see my mom. I couldn't believe they had her hooked up to so many machines and she was on morphine and so out of it. I walked up to her and I said Ma, I'm here and she turned and looked at me. She was happy to see me, but then she told me that they told her, they found blood in her stools. I told her it was probably just do to her Hemorrhoids. but she said they told her it was positive for something. I asked her for what and she didn't know. I began looking for the doctor so I could ask questions but he wasn't around and everyone I talked to told me the doctor would be in soon to go over my mom's condition. I stayed with my mom, just holding her hand, telling her I loved her and that she was going to be okay. They came in to take her to have an ultrasound and my daughter and I waited. The doctor finally came in and told me that my mom had an abcess in her stomach that had burst. I said what are you talking about? He said that she had a condition called peridonitis and that the abcess burst and was releasing all this poison inside her stomach and her blood pressure was dropping dramatically. He then told me it was too dangerous for them to operate at that time because her INR level to to high. My mom had been taking Cumadin for a blood clot that she previously had and the cumadin made her INR level extremely high and her blood was not clotting so they said if they did surgery, she would bleed out. They said they needed to correct it by giving her lots of blood products and they gave her all kinds of strong antibiotics and blood and plasma. They were pumping so much stuff into her, I didn't know what to do. Her blood pressure was like 85/60 and then like 76/40 and it was getting lower and lower. They had her hooked up to so many IVs and then they told me that she was the sickest person they had in the ER. So many doctors and interns and students and nurses overcrowded my mom's room. I called my sister and told her what was going on and she came down to be with me and my daughter. They told us they would do all they could for my mom but that it didn't look good. I began to pray, my mom had always taught me to pray and give things over to god. As the night went on, they decided to put an IV in my moms neck, they said it was more direct and if and when she went to surgery it would be better to have that in place. They made us leave the room and they had like 10 people in there with there machines and cameras and equipment to help guide them where to put the IV at. I had never gone through this before and I was so scared but I was keeping my faith. One doctor wanted to talk to me and my sister alone and I didn't want to hear him telling me anything negative. He asked us a lot of questions concerning my mom's health and history. He then told us that she was in acute renal failure and that her colon was damaged where the abcess bursts and fecal was being released into her abdomen. This is the last thing I wanted to hear. I asked him if they could fix it, he said they would do all they could but that their main focus was trying to bring her INR levels down because they were dangerously high. She was also anemic and that is why she was so weak, her blood level was extremely low. They were continuously giving her blood products, antibiotics and plasma. My sister decided to take my daughter home with her. I told her I would call her when I knew when they were going to do surgery. The surgeon had spoken to us and said that it was a good chance, and that operating was her only chance and once her blood level was corrected that they would go in and repair the damage. I felt some what relieved but as the night went on she was in a fight for her life. The main doctor working on my mom's case came and told me that her breathing was not getting any better and that he needed to put her to sleep so he could intubate her and put a breathing tube down her throat. He said it would be good to have anyways so that she would be ready when they went to surgery. There was nothing I could do except walk out of the room and wait. I continued to pray and wait and pray and wait. Hours went by and I would walk and peek inside the room and see my mom's blood pressure increasing some, this gave me hope but then the doctor would come and tell me it wasn't looking like she was improving and that we needed to prepare that she might not make it through the night. i couldn't believe what he was telling me. I called my sister and my brother and told them , they were praying as well. I didn't know who to listen to, one doctor is telling me it's hopeless and the surgeon is telling me it's a good chance she would be okay once taken to surgery. I sat in the hall because they wouldn't let me back in and they stayed with her at all times, monitoring her and giving her medicine and all the blood and stuff back to back. Then they came out in the hall and told me they were ready to take her to surgery. They said she might not hear you but you can still talk to her. I walked up to her lying there, so still and I told her how much I loved her and i told her to fight and that we would do it togther and that I would be here when she woke up and that I was not leaving her. The surgeon put me in the OR waiting room. I was all alone in there by myself. I waited and waited and only 20 mins went by and a security guard told me there was a cafe there and if I wanted to go grab a cup of coffee that I could. I went downstairs and got the coffee, as soon as I reached the OR floor I saw the surgeon standing there, he walked over to me and he said, I'm sorry but your mom's heart stopped during surgery and we revived her but then it stopped again and he said I don't we can get it back. My whole world just crumbled, I began screaming and crying and I fell to the floor. I was just askig God why. Why is this happening? This security lady came over to comfort me and began telling me how sorry she was and asked me if I had any family I could call. I called my sister and told her and she said she was on her way down. She lived in another city about 45 mins away. I was still on the ground just broken and this lady began to tell me that God would help me and give me the strength to go on. She asked me if I had any children, I told her I had a daughter, and she told me I needed to be strong for her. I wasn't trying to hear all that. My whole world was ripped right from under me. A couple of doctors and this lady helped me off the floor and the surgeon that came out , came out again and told me they would take me back to see her. They brought out a wheelchair and wheeled me back there and when they opened the door, my god I just saw them on top of her doing chest compressions and I was just screaming and then the surgeon is telling me I need to make a decision because everytime they do that, they are hurting her and he said, you don't want her to suffer anymore. I was just waiting on my sister4. I didn't want to make that call but I didn't want them pounding her chest in so I told them to stop. It killed in me inside. They wheeled me over to her and I just cried. My mom was only 60 years old and she had her whole life ahead of her and I don't understand why any of this happened. She was such a beautiful person and she had been a christian for 33 years. SHe loved the lord and she raised me and my siblings up in the church. I couldn't believe that she was gone because I had prayed and prayed and I just knew that God would spare her life. I lost my real father at the age of 16 and even then I didn't know him. I always had my mom and she remarried when I was 11 years old. She had been married for 19 years and my step father passed away in July of 2008. He was a sickly person and she took care of him and nursed him for all those years. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, he was on dialysis for kidney failure, he had a four by pass surgery and he was in and out of the hospitals for years. She suffered so much seeing him suffer and taking care of him, he took what little strength she had. But because he was her husband she did all she could to help him and she loved him so much. So now all remains is just me and my siblings. It's hard because my mom was my best friend. I can't remember a time when she wasn't around. We did everything together and we lived together for years and I took care of her. I wanted so bad for her to be okay and to make it through surgery, I had been taught for years about the love of Jesus and I couldn't understand what he chose to take her away from her children and grandchildren. We had a two bedroom apartment and she had her room and my daughter and I shared a room. After she died, I went home that morning with my sister and I stayed over there for the remainder of the day. The whole day was just hurting, crying and calling the rest of the family. I felt so bad because my youngest brother, say youngest because he is the youngest of my 3 brothers, even though they are all older than me. He came to the hospital to see my mom but he thought she was still alive and the doctors didn't tell him, they let him in the room and she was already covered up and he walked in and was like, it's over ?? he couldn't believe it , he just broke down. One of the nurses that was in the OR called my sister and he was crying, apologizing to us because he thought my brother already knew. He told us how sorry he was. Now my family is broken, my mom was the rock that held us all together. We didn't have money growing up, we didn't have a lot of the finer things in life but we had love. She loved us like no one could. She did it all for her children and most importantly she taught us about God. She lived her life for Jesus, she would pray on a regular basis, read her bible daily, go to church often as she could and when things looked hopeless she took them to god in prayer. She prayed not only for her children, grandchildren and siblings but for people all over the world, she would pray for all the countries and for the sick and homeless and anyone she could pray for. She gave over the years endlessly to Trinity Broadcasting Network, Feed the children, CBN, David Terrell Ministries, Boys Town, Children International, Food For All and to so many others. Month after month, year after year she was giving. She taught us how to give and there were times when we would just make food and take it to the park to give to the homeless, bottled water, sandwiches, noodles, chicken or whatever we could. She would never turn down a person needing help or asking for spare change, she would give freely. She would tell me all the time, it's better to give than to receive and that god would bless me. So I began giving as well, I would call and donate and try to help whenever I could. My mom was also a big giver to the goodwill. Over the years we gave so much, and everytime they would ask if we wanted a donation paper for a tax write off she would say no. she didn't want that, she was giving freely and she didn't want anything in return. That's who she was, she was the person who would mentor you and talk to you about Jesus and how over the years he brought her and our family through so many trials and tribulations. SHe praised god for everything, for the good times and the bad. She used to always tell me to be thankful and to praise god. Now there were times when i was suffering so much and I didn't want to praise god, I wanted god to help me and at the time it seemed like he wasn't. My mom was always there to tell me baby, hold on.. give your burdens over to the lord and he will help you and supply all your needs. I realized that he did just that. I remember when she had surgery for the cancer and she was wondering why god allowed her to come down with that. It was hard for her because her faith was shaken then. She couldn't believe after she was faithful to him for so many years that he would allow her to suffer so horribly and there my sister and I were telling her that she would be okay, that God loved her still and he had not forsaken her and that he would bring her through this. She was so discouraged at the time but we would not let up. She couldn't believe this was her children mentoring and encouragiing her as she had done for us over the years. She told me, she was happy and she felt relieved that her living and everything she had taught us was not in vain. She was thankful to God that we were listening to her and by example we followed her footsteps. She began to get better and we thought she would be okay. My mom was a pure Christian, she didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. She would make you turn the tv channel if you were watching something that cursed. She loved her cowboys though. Her favorites were Bonanza, The rifle man, High Chapparal, Wagon Train, The Virginian and so many others. She also loved the old shows, the clean shows, the original dennis the menace, columbo, family affair, petticoat junction, I married joan, hawai five o, the streets of san francisco, i spy, murder she wrote, in the heat of the night, matlock, the big vally, dr quinn, little house on the prairie, family ties, good times, 227, what's happening, the jeffersons, the brady bunch and so many others. Her favorite game shows were The price is right, deal or no deal, let's make a deal, the newlywed game, match game and who wants to be a millionaire. I loved spending time with my mom, she was someone I could always talk to and she would never judge me, she would tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. She taught me how to carry myself as a lady and she taught me how to stand up for myself and I owe her so much. I felt like I let her down that night she was in the hospital and I told her she would be okay and that I would be waiting for her when she woke up but she never woke up. I felt that made me a liar. I had been taking care of my mom for months and I was preparing her meals, giving her medications on schedule and was taking her to her appointments and running errands for her. My mom had been weak for so long because before she found out she had cancer she was bleeding perfusely having vaginal bleeding and they made her very anemic. Before surgery she had 4 transfusions and then after surgery she had 2 more. She never got all her strength back and after she had the first surgery, she was too weak that they sent her to Ballard Rehabilitation and they were working on getting her strength back and getting her up and walking. She did so much better when she was in there and when she came home, they sent out a home health nurse, a physcialy therapist and an occupational therapist. They began doing exercises with her and the physical therapist thought it would benefit my mom to have some help with getting around. So she ordered her an walker , the kind that had a seat on it, she ordered her a wheel chair, a raised toilet seat with the rails and a shower chair and shower bench. So when my mom started walking more better she was using her walker all the time, it was helping her because she had the support to keep her from falling and when she got tired , she could just sit down. I did all I could to take care of her, on a daily basis. She was not strong enough to shower herself, so I bought the shower hose and I began to shower her daily, dress her and do everything for her but I loved her so much and I didn't care what I had to do, she was my mom. There were days when she thought she was a burden to me and she would tell me, that I work to hard and that she was sorry she was not able to do things for herself and i would immediately tell her to stop talking like that. I would tell her, she was my mom, I loved her and wanted to look after her and that she wasn't a burden on me. That she took care of me when I was little and over the years and now it was my turn to take care of her. She told me a couple weeks before she passed away , you said, you really stood by your mom, when all the others went on their way. you stood by your mom. She said, I don't know what I would have done with out you. She said I don't know how I would have made it and she said god is really going to bless you and he will remember everything you did for your mother. She told me how special I was and now that she is gone , I remember everything she ever told me. It has been so hard, going through all her things and seeing all the cards and letters she gave me over the years. Everybody keeps telling me it will get better but I don't see that happening. I can't go one day without crying for missing her so much. I am grateful because she is not in any more pain but I am hurting so badly without her. I have a big sister but we have never been that close, she seems to want to spend more time with me now but nobody could ever feel that empty space inside my heart for my mother. I recently moved in with my brother and I want so desperately for me and my daughter to be able to get a place of our own. It costs so much to pay for first and last months rent and I have this old 1994 car that has been giving me so much trouble and I am barely scraping along , just trying to make it. I would appreciate any help I am given. If anyone can find it in their heart to help me and my daughter move out and get our own place or simply help us with the day to day necessities, it would be greatly appreciated.

My daughter and I are in need of finding a place of our own. These past couple months have been extremely hard because of the death of my mother. We were all living together and my mom was splitting the rent with me and I was working to take care of her. She was sick with Cancer and she had the operation and we all thought she was going to be okay. She did not recover like we expected and she ended up going in a Rehabilitation Center and we visited her often until she came home. I am the youngest of her children. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we are called the Berry 5. We were allways known as the Berry Family from the time we were little. My mom started to do better and we were so happy to have her home. It came time for her to Start Chemotherapy and Radiation. She was scared but I and my sister talked her into it because we knew the doctors had told us that she needed it because the cancer had spread to her lymp nodes and when they did the surgery they were not able to get everything. My mom had done one week of Radiation and she went in for one session of Chemo. The same day she had Chemo she seemed fine and then 2 days later she was having fevers, throwing up and so extremely weak. I thought it was because of the Chemo because that is what was explained to us. My concern was she couldn't keep anything down. I needed to give her medication for her Diabetes and High Blood Pressure but everytime I gave her anything, it all came up and so I was so scared because her blood sugar was high and I didn't want it to get any higher. She began to complain of stomach pain and I thought it was another side effect of the Chemo. For a couple days of her vomiting and having diarrhea, I was able to get some fluids down her and it seemed to stay. Little by little we both thought she was doing better. Her strength was not there though, it was difficult for her to even get up to go to the bathroom. The following day she continued to vomit and I was scared so I told her she needed to go to the hospital, because I felt that they could help her more. They could give her medications through an IV and they could find out why she was so weak and everything. She was scared and did not want to go but I convinced her. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I tried to follow her but I had to pick up my 11 year old daughter from school. I did go and they would not let me go back right away. I told them my mom had been brought in and they told me she wasn't checked in yet. About 20 minutes passed and I went back up to the window and they told me they would see if the doctor would let me back there and they were saying my daughter couldn't come back there because she wasn't 14, I told them she is only 11 years old and I'm not leaving her in the waiting room with strangers and that she was coming back there with me. They finally let us in and we went back to see my mom. I couldn't believe they had her hooked up to so many machines and she was on morphine and so out of it. I walked up to her and I said Ma, I'm here and she turned and looked at me. She was happy to see me, but then she told me that they told her, they found blood in her stools. I told her it was probably just do to her Hemorrhoids. but she said they told her it was positive for something. I asked her for what and she didn't know. I began looking for the doctor so I could ask questions but he wasn't around and everyone I talked to told me the doctor would be in soon to go over my mom's condition. I stayed with my mom, just holding her hand, telling her I loved her and that she was going to be okay. They came in to take her to have an ultrasound and my daughter and I waited. The doctor finally came in and told me that my mom had an abcess in her stomach that had burst. I said what are you talking about? He said that she had a condition called peridonitis and that the abcess burst and was releasing all this poison inside her stomach and her blood pressure was dropping dramatically. He then told me it was too dangerous for them to operate at that time because her INR level to to high. My mom had been taking Cumadin for a blood clot that she previously had and the cumadin made her INR level extremely high and her blood was not clotting so they said if they did surgery, she would bleed out. They said they needed to correct it by giving her lots of blood products and they gave her all kinds of strong antibiotics and blood and plasma. They were pumping so much stuff into her, I didn't know what to do. Her blood pressure was like 85/60 and then like 76/40 and it was getting lower and lower. They had her hooked up to so many IVs and then they told me that she was the sickest person they had in the ER. So many doctors and interns and students and nurses overcrowded my mom's room. I called my sister and told her what was going on and she came down to be with me and my daughter. They told us they would do all they could for my mom but that it didn't look good. I began to pray, my mom had always taught me to pray and give things over to god. As the night went on, they decided to put an IV in my moms neck, they said it was more direct and if and when she went to surgery it would be better to have that in place. They made us leave the room and they had like 10 people in there with there machines and cameras and equipment to help guide them where to put the IV at. I had never gone through this before and I was so scared but I was keeping my faith. One doctor wanted to talk to me and my sister alone and I didn't want to hear him telling me anything negative. He asked us a lot of questions concerning my mom's health and history. He then told us that she was in acute renal failure and that her colon was damaged where the abcess bursts and fecal was being released into her abdomen. This is the last thing I wanted to hear. I asked him if they could fix it, he said they would do all they could but that their main focus was trying to bring her INR levels down because they were dangerously high. She was also anemic and that is why she was so weak, her blood level was extremely low. They were continuously giving her blood products, antibiotics and plasma. My sister decided to take my daughter home with her. I told her I would call her when I knew when they were going to do surgery. The surgeon had spoken to us and said that it was a good chance, and that operating was her only chance and once her blood level was corrected that they would go in and repair the damage. I felt some what relieved but as the night went on she was in a fight for her life. The main doctor working on my mom's case came and told me that her breathing was not getting any better and that he needed to put her to sleep so he could intubate her and put a breathing tube down her throat. He said it would be good to have anyways so that she would be ready when they went to surgery. There was nothing I could do except walk out of the room and wait. I continued to pray and wait and pray and wait. Hours went by and I would walk and peek inside the room and see my mom's blood pressure increasing some, this gave me hope but then the doctor would come and tell me it wasn't looking like she was improving and that we needed to prepare that she might not make it through the night. i couldn't believe what he was telling me. I called my sister and my brother and told them , they were praying as well. I didn't know who to listen to, one doctor is telling me it's hopeless and the surgeon is telling me it's a good chance she would be okay once taken to surgery. I sat in the hall because they wouldn't let me back in and they stayed with her at all times, monitoring her and giving her medicine and all the blood and stuff back to back. Then they came out in the hall and told me they were ready to take her to surgery. They said she might not hear you but you can still talk to her. I walked up to her lying there, so still and I told her how much I loved her and i told her to fight and that we would do it togther and that I would be here when she woke up and that I was not leaving her. The surgeon put me in the OR waiting room. I was all alone in there by myself. I waited and waited and only 20 mins went by and a security guard told me there was a cafe there and if I wanted to go grab a cup of coffee that I could. I went downstairs and got the coffee, as soon as I reached the OR floor I saw the surgeon standing there, he walked over to me and he said, I'm sorry but your mom's heart stopped during surgery and we revived her but then it stopped again and he said I don't we can get it back. My whole world just crumbled, I began screaming and crying and I fell to the floor. I was just askig God why. Why is this happening? This security lady came over to comfort me and began telling me how sorry she was and asked me if I had any family I could call. I called my sister and told her and she said she was on her way down. She lived in another city about 45 mins away. I was still on the ground just broken and this lady began to tell me that God would help me and give me the strength to go on. She asked me if I had any children, I told her I had a daughter, and she told me I needed to be strong for her. I wasn't trying to hear all that. My whole world was ripped right from under me. A couple of doctors and this lady helped me off the floor and the surgeon that came out , came out again and told me they would take me back to see her. They brought out a wheelchair and wheeled me back there and when they opened the door, my god I just saw them on top of her doing chest compressions and I was just screaming and then the surgeon is telling me I need to make a decision because everytime they do that, they are hurting her and he said, you don't want her to suffer anymore. I was just waiting on my sister4. I didn't want to make that call but I didn't want them pounding her chest in so I told them to stop. It killed in me inside. They wheeled me over to her and I just cried. My mom was only 60 years old and she had her whole life ahead of her and I don't understand why any of this happened. She was such a beautiful person and she had been a christian for 33 years. SHe loved the lord and she raised me and my siblings up in the church. I couldn't believe that she was gone because I had prayed and prayed and I just knew that God would spare her life. I lost my real father at the age of 16 and even then I didn't know him. I always had my mom and she remarried when I was 11 years old. She had been married for 19 years and my step father passed away in July of 2008. He was a sickly person and she took care of him and nursed him for all those years. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, he was on dialysis for kidney failure, he had a four by pass surgery and he was in and out of the hospitals for years. She suffered so much seeing him suffer and taking care of him, he took what little strength she had. But because he was her husband she did all she could to help him and she loved him so much. So now all remains is just me and my siblings. It's hard because my mom was my best friend. I can't remember a time when she wasn't around. We did everything together and we lived together for years and I took care of her. I wanted so bad for her to be okay and to make it through surgery, I had been taught for years about the love of Jesus and I couldn't understand what he chose to take her away from her children and grandchildren. We had a two bedroom apartment and she had her room and my daughter and I shared a room. After she died, I went home that morning with my sister and I stayed over there for the remainder of the day. The whole day was just hurting, crying and calling the rest of the family. I felt so bad because my youngest brother, say youngest because he is the youngest of my 3 brothers, even though they are all older than me. He came to the hospital to see my mom but he thought she was still alive and the doctors didn't tell him, they let him in the room and she was already covered up and he walked in and was like, it's over ?? he couldn't believe it , he just broke down. One of the nurses that was in the OR called my sister and he was crying, apologizing to us because he thought my brother already knew. He told us how sorry he was. Now my family is broken, my mom was the rock that held us all together. We didn't have money growing up, we didn't have a lot of the finer things in life but we had love. She loved us like no one could. She did it all for her children and most importantly she taught us about God. She lived her life for Jesus, she would pray on a regular basis, read her bible daily, go to church often as she could and when things looked hopeless she took them to god in prayer. She prayed not only for her children, grandchildren and siblings but for people all over the world, she would pray for all the countries and for the sick and homeless and anyone she could pray for. She gave over the years endlessly to Trinity Broadcasting Network, Feed the children, CBN, David Terrell Ministries, Boys Town, Children International, Food For All and to so many others. Month after month, year after year she was giving. She taught us how to give and there were times when we would just make food and take it to the park to give to the homeless, bottled water, sandwiches, noodles, chicken or whatever we could. She would never turn down a person needing help or asking for spare change, she would give freely. She would tell me all the time, it's better to give than to receive and that god would bless me. So I began giving as well, I would call and donate and try to help whenever I could. My mom was also a big giver to the goodwill. Over the years we gave so much, and everytime they would ask if we wanted a donation paper for a tax write off she would say no. she didn't want that, she was giving freely and she didn't want anything in return. That's who she was, she was the person who would mentor you and talk to you about Jesus and how over the years he brought her and our family through so many trials and tribulations. SHe praised god for everything, for the good times and the bad. She used to always tell me to be thankful and to praise god. Now there were times when i was suffering so much and I didn't want to praise god, I wanted god to help me and at the time it seemed like he wasn't. My mom was always there to tell me baby, hold on.. give your burdens over to the lord and he will help you and supply all your needs. I realized that he did just that. I remember when she had surgery for the cancer and she was wondering why god allowed her to come down with that. It was hard for her because her faith was shaken then. She couldn't believe after she was faithful to him for so many years that he would allow her to suffer so horribly and there my sister and I were telling her that she would be okay, that God loved her still and he had not forsaken her and that he would bring her through this. She was so discouraged at the time but we would not let up. She couldn't believe this was her children mentoring and encouragiing her as she had done for us over the years. She told me, she was happy and she felt relieved that her living and everything she had taught us was not in vain. She was thankful to God that we were listening to her and by example we followed her footsteps. She began to get better and we thought she would be okay. My mom was a pure Christian, she didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. She would make you turn the tv channel if you were watching something that cursed. She loved her cowboys though. Her favorites were Bonanza, The rifle man, High Chapparal, Wagon Train, The Virginian and so many others. She also loved the old shows, the clean shows, the original dennis the menace, columbo, family affair, petticoat junction, I married joan, hawai five o, the streets of san francisco, i spy, murder she wrote, in the heat of the night, matlock, the big vally, dr quinn, little house on the prairie, family ties, good times, 227, what's happening, the jeffersons, the brady bunch and so many others. Her favorite game shows were The price is right, deal or no deal, let's make a deal, the newlywed game, match game and who wants to be a millionaire. I loved spending time with my mom, she was someone I could always talk to and she would never judge me, she would tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. She taught me how to carry myself as a lady and she taught me how to stand up for myself and I owe her so much. I felt like I let her down that night she was in the hospital and I told her she would be okay and that I would be waiting for her when she woke up but she never woke up. I felt that made me a liar. I had been taking care of my mom for months and I was preparing her meals, giving her medications on schedule and was taking her to her appointments and running errands for her. My mom had been weak for so long because before she found out she had cancer she was bleeding perfusely having vaginal bleeding and they made her very anemic. Before surgery she had 4 transfusions and then after surgery she had 2 more. She never got all her strength back and after she had the first surgery, she was too weak that they sent her to Ballard Rehabilitation and they were working on getting her strength back and getting her up and walking. She did so much better when she was in there and when she came home, they sent out a home health nurse, a physcialy therapist and an occupational therapist. They began doing exercises with her and the physical therapist thought it would benefit my mom to have some help with getting around. So she ordered her an walker , the kind that had a seat on it, she ordered her a wheel chair, a raised toilet seat with the rails and a shower chair and shower bench. So when my mom started walking more better she was using her walker all the time, it was helping her because she had the support to keep her from falling and when she got tired , she could just sit down. I did all I could to take care of her, on a daily basis. She was not strong enough to shower herself, so I bought the shower hose and I began to shower her daily, dress her and do everything for her but I loved her so much and I didn't care what I had to do, she was my mom. There were days when she thought she was a burden to me and she would tell me, that I work to hard and that she was sorry she was not able to do things for herself and i would immediately tell her to stop talking like that. I would tell her, she was my mom, I loved her and wanted to look after her and that she wasn't a burden on me. That she took care of me when I was little and over the years and now it was my turn to take care of her. She told me a couple weeks before she passed away , you said, you really stood by your mom, when all the others went on their way. you stood by your mom. She said, I don't know what I would have done with out you. She said I don't know how I would have made it and she said god is really going to bless you and he will remember everything you did for your mother. She told me how special I was and now that she is gone , I remember everything she ever told me. It has been so hard, going through all her things and seeing all the cards and letters she gave me over the years. Everybody keeps telling me it will get better but I don't see that happening. I can't go one day without crying for missing her so much. I am grateful because she is not in any more pain but I am hurting so badly without her. I have a big sister but we have never been that close, she seems to want to spend more time with me now but nobody could ever feel that empty space inside my heart for my mother. I recently moved in with my brother and I want so desperately for me and my daughter to be able to get a place of our own. It costs so much to pay for first and last months rent and I have this old 1994 car that has been giving me so much trouble and I am barely scraping along , just trying to make it. I would appreciate any help I am given. If anyone can find it in their heart to help me and my daughter move out and get our own place or simply help us with the day to day necessities, it would be greatly appreciated.

So here goes nothing. I'm currently a 22 year old woman who has dug herself a hole. I am a poster child for bad spending habits and self absorbed youth. I currently have racked up 40000$ in debt from student loans credit cards a car loan and one very expensive traffic fine. I used to work in construction and was able to afford all my bills but when I was 20 I decided to go to school so I quit my
Great paying Job and ventured into the academic
World. I did my
First year and HATED it. Afterwards there were no jobs available so I went back to hospitality. I work as a restaurant manager full time but barely make enough to pay my regular bills let alone my debt. I live paycheck to paycheck and constantly worry about money. It depresses me so bad to think at 22 I might have to file for bankruptcy. And on top of all that I got caught driving with no insurance (I lived in a small town and only drove to the store). It was a stupid choice but my insurance was so high that I mostly walked to where I needed to get except when it was too cold or late at night. Either way the judge slapped me with a 5700$ ticket for my
Stupidity. The ticket had a year for repayment. I was given the option to work it off but due to my regular Job I was unable to without losing my income. I scrolled and scraped for the year. Eating basically tuna and pb&j sandwiches and having no social life. I managed to pay only about 1400$. Sad I know but remember I barely make enough to pay my bills. After having the payment date delayed by another 3 months I knew it was hopeless. My
Credit is shot my debt ratio is too high and I have no one
To turn to for a loan. As of November 1st there Is a bench warrant for my arrest. I am quite terrified because this Is a stay or pay warrant so if I'm ever picked up I either need to pay the remaining 4300 or sit in jail for 3 months. I'm a young woman with no criminal record I never even got a suspension in high school. If this were to happen I would also lose my Job and ultimately my home and all my bills would fall 3 months behind. The fear of this keeps me
Awake at night because it's terrifying. This one mistake could cost me so much in the end. I have looked at every option as to getting a loan but to no avail. So now I turn to begging for help. Please help me pay this ticket off so I can try and get on with my life without the fear of going to jail for sometbing so silly. If ever I needed a miracle it is now. If anyone has it in tneir hearts to help me I would appreciate
It so much. I don't want to feel like a criminal any longer

Hello,
i have a new bench press with leg extensions and preacher curls

and i have a hyper extension home gym
weights go up to 70kg
please email
jessiicc.aa@hotmail.com
Epping, Melbourne VIC , Australia

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Hi my name is Steve,
I live in fresno ca. I recently missed a court date do to working and got a bench warrant for a failure to appear which led to me getting my licence suspended. I am recently self employed in remodeling and can no longer schedule work. please help or give any suggestions thanks and god bless!!!! my phone number is (559) 251-0226

i was the good son, i never smoked or drank or did drugs or ran around with women. when my parents were too ill to care for themselves, i didnt run out on them. for almost 25 years i cared for their every need. dad had diabetes,heart disease,high blood pressure. mom had emphysema,heart disease,edema and was legally blind. my father died in 2003 he just died on the dialysis machine. leaving me and mom to survive on one social security check of $1035. our home was sold to a gangbenger landlord who threatened to throw my mother out if she didn't pay $1400 rent. my mother died on march 8 2009 leaving me here. if your asking why have i not tried to get a job, i have been trying,but there are just no jobs. if no one helps me i will freeze to death on a park bench. no neighbor will take me in,all shelters are filled, no recruiter will take a chance and hire me, and i cant get food stamps or welfare because of the few dollars my mother left behind for me. if no one helps me my life will come to an end. i'm not a lazy person! my parents were a 24/7 job. cooking,cleaning,washing,scrubbing the bathroom with my bare hands until it shined. talking with doctors, and arguing with Medicare over medicine that my mother needed to breath. running errands all over our neighborhood,arguing with the druggist over prices,shopping for groceries. i did it all for my parents. i never asked anything in return. i was happy with just a warm bed to sleep in,clothes on my back,and 3 square meals. now i live in fear of my landlord, what will he do to me when i cant pay the rent? i go to bed hungry because i cant afford to buy food, i starve eating one meal a day,so that i can pay rent. my life has been shattered to pieces,and if no one helps me it will come to an end. Please, if you have any mercy in you,sent me what you can afford to give

I am reaching out in sheer desperation as I am a single parent of two boys facing eviction. I have been looking for permanent employment for over a year, but only landing a few temporary opportunities and an odd job or two. My last assignment ended in August and I have been searching for employment with no avail to date. Having gaps in income has sent me spiraling in a severe financial deficit.
Imaging being faced with losing it all and struggling to maintain a positive outlook as the head of household; it's been extremely tough. Within the past two months since my last assignment, my vehicle was taken due to repossession, and I have found myself two months behind in rent.
Last Thursday, I received notice for rent court that is a warrant for repossession of the property.
I am frantic, afraid, and worried, because my children have always known their own home. There has been a barrage of questions entering my mind concerning, where we would sleep, if we were ultimately evicted. Would we sleep in a shelter, park bench, or hostile? Would we be safe? Would we be warm?
My two boys are great children, just how would eviction, affect them?
For these reasons, I am pleading for help to save my family. I have never considered doing anything of this sort, but at present, I will do whatever it takes to save our home.
If there is anyone out there that would find it in their heart to help a struggling family, I would be graciously accept donations of any amount. I currently owe my rental company a total of $2,200.55.
Additionally, I am still in desperate need of permanent income. I have over 10 years of administrative office and executive level assistant experience. If anyone has any information regarding permanent employment ,I can provide my resume that lists my work history and skill set. I am seeking employment in the UK. All comments and opportunities can be forwarded via email at edward.gat65@gmail.com.
Thank you in advance for taking time and consideration!
Sincerely,
Single Parent

I am reaching out in sheer desperation as I am a single parent of two boys facing eviction. I have been looking for permanent employment for over a year, but only landing a few temporary opportunities and an odd job or two. My last assignment ended in August and I have been searching for employment with no avail to date. Having gaps in income has sent me spiraling in a severe financial deficit.

Imaging being faced with losing it all and struggling to maintain a positive outlook as the head of household; it's been extremely tough. Within the past two months since my last assignment, my vehicle was taken due to repossession, and I have found myself two months behind in rent.

Last Thursday, I received notice for rent court that is a warrant for repossession of the property, my court date is in two weeks.

I am frantic, afraid, and worried, because my children have always known their own home. There has been a barrage of questions entering my mind concerning, where we would sleep, if we were ultimately evicted. Would we sleep in a shelter, park bench, or hostile? Would we be safe? Would we be warm?

My two boys are great children, just how would eviction, affect them?

For these reasons, I am pleading for help to save my family. I have never considered doing anything of this sort, but at present, I will do whatever it takes to save our home.

If there is anyone out there that would find it in their heart to help a struggling family, I would be graciously accept donations of any amount. I currently owe my rental company WP & M Real Estate Group a total of $2,200.55.

If you would like to make a donation directly to the management group, I can provide you with the pertinent information via email.

Additionally, I am still in desperate need of permanent income. I have over 10 years of administrative office and executive level assistant experience. If anyone has any information regarding permanent employment ,I can provide my resume that lists my work history and skill set. I am seeking employment in the Baltimore/DC Metro Region. All comments and opportunities can be forwarded via email at singleparentplea@gmail.com.

Thank you in advance for taking time and consideration!

Sincerely,

Single Parent

I have a 6 year old daughter who needs me, but my ex-wife is trying to keep me out of her life. Right now the court order states; that we share parenting. However, I feel that the other things in the order makes it easy for me to fail. I have a child support order and the bulk of the financial responsibility in on me; she makes more money than me also.

You see, I could not afford an Attorney when we went through the divorce and still can't. I felt that as long as I was in my daughters life at least half the time that she would turn out fine...but now the courts and my ex-wife is at it again. I fail behind in the child support order and I have a $1400 bench warrant on me and my parenting time is being threaten.

My daughter; she is a sweet high spirited little girl by nature (like so many other kids), but it is up to the parents if they stay that way. That's where I come in (without getting in any details). My daughter and I have a really tight bond. It will tear her apart if the my ex-wife and the court have their way! Nobody have the best interest of my daughter in hand!

There is so much more to be said, and I have no problem in sharing our story. I need help with retaining an attorney, ASSAP! I just founded out that we have a court date sometime this week; I never received anything, that's I am not sure of the date. When the sheriff contacted me about the warrant, he then told me.

Well, I know that times are hard for everyone. I know that I am especially no exception to that. Everyone needs help, the economy isn't the same. People need work, and people need a helping hand. Well, I have nowhere else to turn. I have no one else to depend on. The world can feel like a pretty scary place; when you look around and realize your all alone. In this moment one of my darkest hours, I am thankful to at least have one friend.

Though they cant help me financially, I now have a roof over my head. For that I am truly thank full. But, it has been a hard and rocky road. It all started over a year ago. I was living in New Jersey I thought I had my life planned out. I thought I would marry, finish school, and have children.

Then one day I came home and found my reality turn upside down. The man I thought I knew so well, wasn't who I thought he was. He stole everything. I had nothing. My family is small and they don't have financial backing to help me. Which is like a lot of American people now. But, my mother did have a place. It needed a lot of work, but it gave me a place to go.

I moved out of state and moved into her vacation home. Which now is on the verge of her losing due to her increasing financial situation. But, I went down to try and fix the place up and get back on my feet. Within a couple months of being there, I thought I meet a very caring person. No they didn't offer me money, but they offered me work.

I thought this person was truly amazing. He would buy my gifts and make me feel like I had a chance at a new start. We worked together for several months, before I realized there was something wrong with the facade that they had showed me. The problem was though that person's facade was built up also by their family. This made the story of how great they were more believable. I believed I was over reacting that I was being prejudging because of my past situation.

But, I should have trusted my gut instinct. I should have realized that my instinct should always be listened to. By the time I realized there was something wrong and this person was not who I thought they were, it was already to late. I decided one evening in July of last year to end things with this person.

I never thought for one moment, I would have to worry about anything. I was under a false assumption that we would end things and go our separate ways. But, I was truly wrong. Very wrong. That night I tried my hardest to end things. But, things went very wrong. They became angry, threatening, and even violent. They destroyed the property and also shattered my trust.

Two thousand dollars in damage was done to the property, but the personal damage done to me is beyond financial consideration. When the police showed up at my home, I showed them (what that did not see obviously with the outside damage they saw when I showed them the damage inside the property) the damage and explained what happen.

When this person was arrested, and the state was going to prosecute I truly thought I would be safe. I again was truly wrong. For months after he harassed me, calling, showing up all hours of the night, and showing up where ever I was.

Yes I took action. I filed with a domestic violence order of protection. I assumed that within him being served the papers this would all finally be behind me. But it wasn't. I was granted the order of protection and assumed I could be safe. But when he called and then the next day showed back up on my property I realized I needed to call the police.

I felt he truly believed with time, I would look past what he had done to me. That I would forgive him and take him back, but I don't believe anyone especially a women deserves to be brutalized physically. I knew in my own mind, I would never take him back. It wasn't until I called the police on him did he too realize I wouldn't. When they went to arrest him for breaking the order of protection, he become angry.

I assume he wanted revenge. Because within a week of him suppose to be arrested, the police showed up at my home. They had a warrant to check the property for stolen goods. I explained to them that I have never been in trouble with the law nor would I have a problem with them coming into the home.

Little did I realize, the gifts that I found so flattering just 3-6 months before were stolen. He was obviously a much darker person than I had originally realized. I have to assume it was him, because all they took from the home were the gifts he had given me. I was charged with possession of stolen goods. It wasn't until all this had happen, that I decided to research who he was.

I fond out he had a dark past that I was not aware of. He had been in prison for over ten years. He had abused another women, damaged her property, and also had kidnapping charges, and robbery charges. I decided to write an article about my own experience to help prevent others from going through what I did. But for the next month or so I felt isolated and alone.

I knew no one in the state, for I was not from there. I went there looking for a chance to rebuild my life and found it more shattered than it had originally been. When my brother decided he needed a change for his son (he is a single parent) and wanted to move to Connecticut he asked if I wanted to leave the state and go with him to try in Connecticut. I felt I had nothing more to lose at this point and since I had nothing there I decided to go with him.

When I moved to Connecticut, I found a job and started to save money for what I knew there would be many trips down to the state I had left to fight for my innocence. But, unfortunately I lost the job within a month of being here. My brother had by then found work finally. But, when he realized I didn't have work, he decided I had to go. So I was kicked out of my place and left with nothing.

Thankfully for my friend I was fortunate enough to be able to stay there. The problem now lies with my situation I am currently in. I have been given a public defender, who this whole time I have only spoke with maybe three times in the last 8 months. She has done nothing to help me and supposedly is defending me, but the sad part is she doesn't even know my side of the story.

Every time I called she was/ is never available. When I explained to her( or I should say her assistant) I had just been kicked out and had no money or place to go, and that I desperately needed to change the court date she said that wouldn't be a problem and she would take care of it. It wasn't until two days later (now able to stay with a friend), I was able to use a phone and call her.

Come to find out she didn't even try to represent me. I was given a bench warrant untop of my other charge. I feel now I am truly alone, and more so scarred. I don't know what else to do. I don't even know if anyone will even take the time to hear my story. I know that there are so many shady people out there it's hard to know who is being honest and who is just trying to use other people. I can understand.

I feel my trust has been shattered beyond repair. I feel lost and completely alone. The worse part is I have done the research, it will take 8,000 dollars for a lawyer to represent me and remove the bench warrant to give me the opportunity to show that I am innocent. I ask myself how can I possible do that? I have nothing. Now I have no family, no friends, nothing. Well, I can't say no friends, for I do have one who might not have anything to give.. But they did give me a roof over my head.

That is more than anyone has give the past year or so. I just didn't know where else to turn. So, I decided I would share my story. Just maybe some people will read it. If enough people read it and help with just a dollar, ten dollars, 20 dollars, who knows it could add up and help me. I do want to work, but I am scarred. I know if I work they will find me. I will have then no chance to fight for my innocence. They wont even want to hear my side.

I don't think they will believe that I truly just didn't have money to get down and be at my court date. I would have been, but I didn't expect to get kicked out or that everything would end up where it is now. I don't know if anyone will help. Or if they will just say its my own problem and move on. But, if I don't ask.. If I don't say anything.. How would I ever truly know. Yes you have all right say no. That it isn't your problem. Or that I need to grow up and handle my own business.

But, I believe in hope. Who knows maybe some people will say they have a couple dollars to give. Maybe some people will have some advice to share. I believe in hope, I wont allow myself any longer to drown in the sea of nos. Just maybe you will be the one to say yes and help me. I'm just thankful for whoever reads this post, for taking the time to hear my side. I guess that is all I can really ask for. Thank you everyone for your time.



Desperate