Beats Tags

I am a 48yo male. I have about $3000 total in medical bills. I have had a heart condition since i was 21. About 15 years ago I went for heart surgery and got a staph infection in my chest. I was in the hospital for months fighting this and was told I would not live. I am lucky to be alive 15 years later. However the staph damaged my heart. It enlarged it and over time I developed heart failure in 2004. Then I became diabetic in 2005. The staph also destroyed bone in my chest. I had to have my sternum removed. I also developed irregular heart beats leaving me dizzy most of the time. This left me disabled on Social Security and medicare (which I appreciate but dont like being on "the system .. its wrong). Before this I always work 60 to 100 hours a week. Which also contributed my poor health. In 2008 I had my second heart attack (a minor one). It was actually lucky for me. Doctors installed a defibrillator with pacing technology. My dizzy spells were finally under control. Since then I have been working hard to build strength so I can go back to work and have a normal productive life. My car ..is no longer road worthy. Needs about $2300 in repairs. Now I have trouble making appointments to my Cardiologist, primary care Physician and physical therapy. This year i have missed 6 doctors appointments and had to stop all therapy. I also have trouble picking up medication on time so i go with out them sometimes up to a week. I get $1500/mo from Social Security. $96 of that goes toward medicare insurance premium. My rent is $500/mo. My medications are $400/mo and that is with prescription help. With out that help my meds are $1476. My utilities run $400/on average. The rest I spend on food, car insurance and medical bills ($3000 which i pay $25 to $100/mo when i can). I am asking for any help. If I don't get help my health will continue to decline. I will die within a year or two. I just starting gaining muscles back in my legs and arms I still have a long way to go. I need to get cardiac therapy to make my heart stronger. It isn't something I can do at home because I need to be monitored the whole time. Please help. Time is important I have already lost 5 months of therapy and i am getting weaker. I beg you. Please.

I am a 48yo male. I have about $3000 total in medical bills. I have had a heart condition since i was 21. About 15 years ago I went for heart surgery and got a staph infection in my chest. I was in the hospital for months fighting this and was told I would not live. I am lucky to be alive 15 years later. However the staph damaged my heart. It enlarged it and over time I developed heart failure in 2004. Then I became diabetic in 2005. The staph also destroyed bone in my chest. I had to have my sternum removed. I also developed irregular heart beats leaving me dizzy most of the time. This left me disabled on Social Security and medicare (which I appreciate but dont like being on "the system .. its wrong). Before this I always work 60 to 100 hours a week. Which also contributed my poor health. In 2008 I had my second heart attack (a minor one). It was actually lucky for me. Doctors installed a defibrillator with pacing technology. My dizzy spells were finally under control. Since then I have been working hard to build strength so I can go back to work and have a normal productive life. My car ..is no longer road worthy. Needs about $2300 in repairs. Now I have trouble making appointments to my Cardiologist, primary care Physician and physical therapy. This year i have missed 6 doctors appointments and had to stop all therapy. I also have trouble picking up medication on time so i go with out them sometimes up to a week. I get $1500/mo from Social Security. $96 of that goes toward medicare insurance premium. My rent is $500/mo. My medications are $400/mo and that is with prescription help. With out that help my meds are $1476. My utilities run $400/on average. The rest I spend on food, car insurance and medical bills ($3000 which i pay $25 to $100/mo when i can). I am asking for any help. If I don't get help my health will continue to decline. I will die within a year or two. I just starting gaining muscles back in my legs and arms I still have a long way to go. I need to get cardiac therapy to make my heart stronger. It isn't something I can do at home because I need to be monitored the whole time. Please help. Time is important I have already lost 5 months of therapy and i am getting weaker. I beg you. Please.

I am a 48yo male. I have about $3000 total in medical bills. I have had a heart condition since i was 21. About 15 years ago I went for heart surgery and got a staph infection in my chest. I was in the hospital for months fighting this and was told I would not live. I am lucky to be alive 15 years later. However the staph damaged my heart. It enlarged it and over time I developed heart failure in 2004. Then I became diabetic in 2005. The staph also destroyed bone in my chest. I had to have my sternum removed. I also developed irregular heart beats leaving me dizzy most of the time. This left me disabled on Social Security and medicare (which I appreciate but dont like being on "the system .. its wrong). Before this I always work 60 to 100 hours a week. Which also contributed my poor health. In 2008 I had my second heart attack (a minor one). It was actually lucky for me. Doctors installed a defibrillator with pacing technology. My dizzy spells were finally under control. Since then I have been working hard to build strength so I can go back to work and have a normal productive life. My car ..is no longer road worthy. Needs about $2300 in repairs. Now I have trouble making appointments to my Cardiologist, primary care Physician and physical therapy. This year i have missed 6 doctors appointments and had to stop all therapy. I also have trouble picking up medication on time so i go with out them sometimes up to a week. I get $1500/mo from Social Security. $96 of that goes toward medicare insurance premium. My rent is $500/mo. My medications are $400/mo and that is with prescription help. With out that help my meds are $1476. My utilities run $400/on average. The rest I spend on food, car insurance and medical bills ($3000 which i pay $25 to $100/mo when i can). I am asking for any help. If I don't get help my health will continue to decline. I will die within a year or two. I just starting gaining muscles back in my legs and arms I still have a long way to go. I need to get cardiac therapy to make my heart stronger. It isn't something I can do at home because I need to be monitored the whole time. Please help. Time is important I have already lost 5 months of therapy and i am getting weaker. I beg you. Please.

I am a 48yo male. I have had a heart condition since i was 21. About 15 years ago I went for heart surgery and got a staph infection in my chest. I was in the hospital for months fighting this and was told I would not live. I am lucky to be alive 15 years later. However the staph damaged my heart. It enlarged it and over time I developed heart failure in 2004. Then I became diabetic in 2005. The staph also destroyed bone in my chest. I had to have my sternum removed. I also developed irregular heart beats leaving me dizzy most of the time. This left me disabled on Social Security and medicare. Before this I always work 60 to 100 hours a week. Which also contributed my poor health. In 2008 I had my second heart attack (a minor one). It was actually lucky for me. Doctor installed a defibrillator with pacing technology. My dizzy spells were finally under control. Since then I have been working hard to build strength so I can go back to work and have a normal productive life. My car .. 1996 Chevy Corsica is no longer road worthy. Now I have trouble making appointments to my Cardiologist, primary care Physician and physical therapy. This year i have missed 6 doctors appointments and had to stop all therapy. I also have trouble picking up medication on time so i got with out them sometimes up to a week. I didn't realize how important my car was until i couldn't use it. I get $1500/mo from Social Security. $96 of that goes toward medicare insurance premium. My rent is $500/mo. My medications are $400/mo and that is with prescription help. With out that help my meds are $1476. My utilities run $400/on average. The rest I spend on food, car insurance and medical bills. Other than socks and underwear I have not bought any clothes in 15 years ... nothing. I am asking for any help. Most important i need to get a car or fix my car which needs $2300 in repairs. Exhaust, brakes, bodywork and a windshield. If I have wheels I can finish getting back into shape and work to take care of everything else. If I get the help I need from here I PROMISE when I go back to work I will come back here and help people DOUBLE the amount of help I got. Unfortunately if I don't get help my health will go backwards. I will die within a year or two. I just starting gaining muscles back in my legs and arms I still have a long way to go. I need to get cardiac therapy to make my heart stronger. It isn't something I can do at home because I need to be monitored the whole time. Please help. Time is important I have already lost 5 months of therapy and my legs are getting weaker and i am getting weaker. I beg you. Please. But if prayers are all you can give I will appreciate that also. God Bless you all and your families.

I am a 48yo male. I have had a heart condition since i was 21. About 15 years ago I went for heart surgery and got a staph infection in my chest. I was in the hospital for months fighting this and was told I would not live. I am lucky to be alive 15 years later. However the staph damaged my heart. It enlarged it and over time I developed heart failure in 2004. Then I became diabetic in 2005. The staph also destroyed bone in my chest. I had to have my sternum removed. I also developed irregular heart beats leaving me dizzy most of the time. This left me disabled on Social Security and medicare. Before this I always work 60 to 100 hours a week. Which also contributed my poor health. In 2008 I had my second heart attack (a minor one). It was actually lucky for me. Doctor installed a defibrillator with pacing technology. My dizzy spells were finally under control. Since then I have been working hard to build strength so I can go back to work and have a normal productive life. My car .. 1996 Chevy Corsica is no longer road worthy. Now I have trouble making appointments to my Cardiologist, primary care Physician and physical therapy. This year i have missed 6 doctors appointments and had to stop all therapy. I also have trouble picking up medication on time so i got with out them sometimes up to a week. I didn't realize how important my car was until i couldn't use it. I get $1500/mo from Social Security. $96 of that goes toward medicare insurance premium. My rent is $500/mo. My medications are $400/mo and that is with prescription help. With out that help my meds are $1476. My utilities run $400/on average. The rest I spend on food, car insurance and medical bills. Other than socks and underwear I have not bought any clothes in 15 years ... nothing. I am asking for any help. Most important i need to get a car or fix my car which needs $2300 in repairs. Exhaust, brakes, bodywork and a windshield. If I have wheels I can finish getting back into shape and work to take care of everything else. If I get the help I need from here I PROMISE when I go back to work I will come back here and help people DOUBLE the amount of help I got. Unfortunately if I don't get help my health will go backwards. I will die within a year or two. I just starting gaining muscles back in my legs and arms I still have a long way to go. I need to get cardiac therapy to make my heart stronger. It isn't something I can do at home because I need to be monitored the whole time. Please help. Time is important I have already lost 5 months of therapy and my legs are getting weaker and i am getting weaker. I beg you. Please. But if prayers are all you can give I will appreciate that also. God Bless you all and your families.

I'm 27 years old and I've been out of work for 8 months. I'm behind on my $400 and I need the money until I can find work. I'm good with photoshop, writing, powerpoint, microsoft word and I create beats. I'm willing to do something in return for some extra cash. THANKS

I have always been starting from the beginning and optimistic trying to accomplish something in this country (CROATIA), regardless of that this system is pushing me at the bottom literally in all the ways. I have fought bravely and honestly, until I found myself in a situation that I am no longer alone and need to provide life to my daughter. After divorce from a violent husband who left us on the street without a cent I’ve lost everything I had no incentives to pay kindergarten and school, schoolbooks, etc. I came into a situation that I must either pay the bills or school and credit. I enrolled and studied computer science for 4.5 years, but for financial reasons I have never finished it though for the end I have to pass few exams. I was hopeing to get a better job for myself and bigger salary. I have been working 2 jobs for 18 years and but I can’t pay my bills and food . My girl is only 9 years but she’s the one of the best in her class, she’s singing, danceing, acting and have a lot of success in all of that. But she has a problem with her violent father. He took her on 20.08.2011. on a vacation that turned into horror. He drinks, beats her and threatens her not to say that she wants to go home. I don’t have anybody to ask to help me in this. However, we do not have funds nor for lawyers nor for such ventures. I am considering about that the daughter and I move to another city and start life all over again, but unfortunately, for that funds are also needed. Please believe that even the smallest donation would help us begin the fight with a windmill and provided us with a small chance and hope that following years we will be able to live normally. I want to continue working and fighting, and with my own hands keep feeding this little family consisting of my daughter and me. However, I cannot begin without funds and in debts. We in Croatia as single parents, that is legal representatives of a child after divorce, have no financial aids, donations or grants, except the child allowance, which is approximately 26 Euros per month. I do not want to complain or write letters of 10 pages, and believe me I have printed them in hundreds (about that I am writing my first book - "Our million beginnings"). I am writing only out of fear for my child and the fact that I am aware that I must take her away from the father abuser as soon as possible. Honestly, I do not expect anything but I must try on, one way or another, to realize for my child a better life. Thank you in advance.
I’m sending you our documentation like reference for psychiatric care for my child (http://www.poliklinika-djeca.hr/english/) and other doc. If it needed.
Sorry for my bed english. Best regards,

I have always been starting from the beginning and optimistic trying to accomplish something in this country (CROATIA), regardless of that this system is pushing me at the bottom literally in all the ways. I have fought bravely and honestly, until I found myself in a situation that I am no longer alone and need to provide life to my daughter. After divorce from a violent husband who left us on the street without a cent I’ve lost everything I had no incentives to pay kindergarten and school, schoolbooks, etc. I came into a situation that I must either pay the bills or school and credit. I enrolled and studied computer science for 4.5 years, but for financial reasons I have never finished it though for the end I have to pass few exams. I was hopeing to get a better job for myself and bigger salary. I have been working 2 jobs for 18 years and but I can’t pay my bills and food . My girl is only 9 years but she’s the one of the best in her class, she’s singing, danceing, acting and have a lot of success in all of that. But she has a problem with her violent father. He took her on 20.08.2011. on a vacation that turned into horror. He drinks, beats her and threatens her not to say that she wants to go home. I don’t have anybody to ask to help me in this. However, we do not have funds nor for lawyers nor for such ventures. I am considering about that the daughter and I move to another city and start life all over again, but unfortunately, for that funds are also needed. Please believe that even the smallest donation would help us begin the fight with a windmill and provided us with a small chance and hope that following years we will be able to live normally. I want to continue working and fighting, and with my own hands keep feeding this little family consisting of my daughter and me. However, I cannot begin without funds and in debts. We in Croatia as single parents, that is legal representatives of a child after divorce, have no financial aids, donations or grants, except the child allowance, which is approximately 26 Euros per month. I do not want to complain or write letters of 10 pages, and believe me I have printed them in hundreds (about that I am writing my first book - "Our million beginnings"). I am writing only out of fear for my child and the fact that I am aware that I must take her away from the father abuser as soon as possible. Honestly, I do not expect anything but I must try on, one way or another, to realize for my child a better life. Thank you in advance.
I’m sending you our documentation like reference for psychiatric care for my child (http://www.poliklinika-djeca.hr/english/) and other doc. If it needed.
Sorry for my bed english. THX to all good people!!! Love!

I am a cosmetology student an its really hard at this time because i am unable to buy the product that i need to perform my work. I had help upon till February of this year when father go fired from is job.its very hard know because i have no source of income and i can't depend on my father anymore because any home that he obtain that has to put forward to rent and other stuff. I have been trying to get a part time job but no success, i will not give up i will keep on trying nothing beats a trier but a failure .I have never accomplish anything that i have wanted and i really need to accomplish this so that i can feel proud of myself. my eye are fill with tears writing this.I really need this help. I want 2 become a cosmetology teacher so i need the help 2 finish this course so that i can move forward to better my life. please! please! it just until December 2012. I have ask my family member but they say they don't have it, i really don't want to drop out it doesn't matter how small it is its the thought that counts i will really appreciate it alot. I will continue sending out application letter hoping to obtain a job so that a can push myself a alot more in or to accomplish my goal. you can email me at Schericah@yahoo.com if u need to make a donation.God bless u

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.
From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

I've decided to try and get help through donations http://www.giveforward.com/unbreakmyheart and funding http://unbreakmyheart2011.blogspot.com/from outside sources since every doctor I've seen in 2 years agree that I need the leads to my ICD (defibrillator) replaced; but shuffle me back to the original doctor and wash their hands of me.

I'm raising funds for ICD replacement surgery, to go see a HOCM specialist (Dr. Craig Asher) at Cleveland Clinic in S. Florida and to have advanced testing through Vanderbilt Autonomic Center in Tennessee.

I don't want to admit I need help; I've always been a strong, independent person who took care of everything and everyone. In August 2009, my whole world changed. After my procedure, I applied for disability and was turned down twice and had to hire an attorney. I went from being "super" mom, wife & friend and care taker of an Autistic son to being the one who had to be taken care of.

So how did I get to the point I have to ask others for help? Shortly before Father's Day 2009, I fell and broke my foot. When it didn't heal, I went to my primary with a broken foot and came out with a broken heart. After the shock wore off from the doctor telling me that I was going to die if I didn't have valve surgery; I started asking questions.

I didn't quite believe him and thought he was over reacting when he told me I was going to die because I walked and ran 3-5 times weekly and even did strenuous yard work. I felt fine and have 4 children aged 9-26 and kept up with them and stayed very active in things they did; but I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right time for my heart to stop.

He sent me to several specialists who said I had nothing really wrong, just some mild valve problems associated with aging; which was a huge relief. Everything seemed normal except my EKG's; they showed I had a huge amount of PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) roughly 50,000 “extra” heartbeats daily.

My heart didn't really beat fully; it only quivered like a bowl of jello day in day out. The problem with it beating like this is, the heart becomes very ineffective at pumping and your cardiac output drops and heart muscle damage can occur.

The cardiologist and electrophysiologist I saw did extensive testing and recommended more testing in the hospital. I went in for a sleep study, Tilt table test and EP Study with Ablation. The sleep study revealed I had moderately severe sleep apnea and my oxygen goes from 99% down to 73% at night making it very dangerous for me when I sleep.

The tilt table test was the first inkling that something dangerous was going on inside. I fainted and had no palpable pulse; which is a very rare thing to happen. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia - Neurocardiogenic Syncope and Orthostatic Intolerance.
I then had an ablation to burn the extra pathways in my heart and get rid of the pvc's I was living with daily. I was told this would be a relatively easy process and given a 95% success rate to get rid of the extra beats completely but it never crossed my mind that anything would happen.

What preliminary tests failed to show, is the pattern and origin of my arrhythmias were in a very dangerous spot to ablate - the RV Apex – in the bottom thin underside of the heart.

During the EP Study, I went into cardiac arrest and my heart stopped completely with no rhythm they could shock (Asystole), some how it started again for a few minutes but then stopped again. They were able to shock me back to normal sinus rhythm and luckily, the third time it stopped; it restarted on it's own so I didn't have to be shocked again.

I was diagnosed with Polymorphic Ventricular Tachycardia; a very dangerous, life threatening arrhythmia. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days trying to find a cause and to be prepped for an ICD (implantable cardiac defibrillator).

It took a cardiac catherization to finally find the problem and to show I had HOCM (obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and internal high pressures in my valves.

My regular EP had to go out of town after the first procedure, so his partner had to do the implant; he wasn't as skilled as my regular dr and botched the lead implants.

When they checked the leads the next day before releasing me, they found a problem with the lead placement but the dr said it was "ok" and sent me home. Since then, I've had nothing but problems with the unit and been told by several other EP's I need to have the leads replaced and the ICD could be causing part of my problems.

Doctors think my other problems are related to HOCM (obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and Autonomic nervous system failure and when I faint, my heart stops briefly causing damage each time this happens.

After the procedure, my body started failing from the damage it sustained the 4 times my heart stopped. My original cardiologist told me I would be in a wheel chair and totally dependent on others for everything by the time I'm 50; which is daunting because in March I'll be 45 and I can't deny the facts - my body is failing.

I was put on 10,000g sodium daily, water/fluid loading, Midodrine (insurance won't cover it $312 - 30 day supply), Propanolol, Pantoprazole, pain meds, suppression hose and binders as well as having to stay supine the majority of the day - which caused my heart failure to worsen and my EF (ejection fraction) to go down.

Nothing the doctor's have tried has helped, I still faint and my heart stops on a daily basis and I never know from one day to the next if something is going to trigger fluid build up and I have an acute attack.

In June 2011 I fainted falling into the side of my tiled tub, lacerating the side of my head in the process, severely sprained my neck and suffered a concussion. After that episode, I became a bit more cautious with every move I make because the dr found declining neurological functioning and mild brain damage; he said any more falls could lead to permanent major brain damage.

With so many previous medical bills and co-pays, I can't afford the 20% co-insurance to have my ICD replaced and Mayo Clinic wants a $5,000 deposit up front even with insurance. My ICD alone is $125,000, leads another $30,000 and then there's the doctor and hospital fees; which I won't know the cost until the procedure is done.

Each heart rhythm specialist and cardiologist I see tell me there is nothing more they can do after going over my history and treatments; I have a long hard fight to go and I have to just be thankful each day I'm alive. Some days I'm really glad I made it through, other days when the problems and pain take over; I wish the dr's had let me die.

I developed PTSD after the procedure, panic disorder and extreme agoraphobia. I went into such a deep depression over my health issues, I was afraid I would never see the lighter side of things again. I finally went to see a psychologist who prescribed Lamictal and diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder which has helped greatly but I still struggle on a daily basis.

One day we were just the “normal” every day family and the toughest thing we had to deal with is a child with Autism. Then; our whole lives changed in an instant we were dealing with mounting medical bills, expensive prescriptions, tests, appointments, loss of income and dealing with the possibility of death on a daily basis.

You just never know what the day may bring, so keep those you love close to you and never take one second for granted.

From the bottom of my heart thank you - even if it's support to say hey; I'm here if you need to talk or I know how you're feeling.

I Like to get some magic tricks to perform street magic for the children i also, want to get a mechanical Flea Circus I don't have a car and its cold and I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging

I hav to beg on street corners and in front of stores and get kicked out and I go to get food handouts and i am on my walker because i am handicapped if you know me you ed seen me begging in front of the 99 cent store but theres a drunk there who beats me up and steals my pkace and the cops come and take him to jail but he comes back to the parking lot and intemindates the customers and pounds on me at the front to get out I am sick and tried of being poor and sick of begging